How judgemental are you to parents?

[Burnsy2023]

So I see a lot of parents. Some are perfectly good, decent parents usually with good decent children. Some are good parents with children that go a little off the rails, but you can often see this a bit of a phase they'll grow out of because they have support. However, I see a lot of bad parenting from what I can only describe as simply bad parents.

Some may say that since I'm not a parent myself I shouldn't judge, and perhaps they are right, but I do; all the time. I judge when I see mothers screaming at their 3-4 year old to shut up. I judge when I see parent constantly swearing at and around children of any age and I judge when I see parents that don't care or simply give up when their children are single handedly committing crime sprees sometimes as young as 10 or 11. I judge when I see houses that are dirty, untidy and a health hazard. I judge when I see parents spending out on lavish birthday presents for their kids yet they don't feed them anything remotely nutritional or keep their clothes clean.

I don't so much judge the children though. I have been to many families where you can see that there are good children who want to do the right thing and be good people but are in such an inherently toxic environment you know they will grow up to be like daddy and do a long stretch in prison for something or other. It's hard to get out of that sort of environment and creak the cycle when you have no positive role models or anything to aspire to.

The worst thing is that I know that these children will have other children, often when they are too young to care for them and the cycle will repeat.

So, perhaps the state should intervene and break the cycle of poverty and crime and simply say that the children deserve better. Do you think having a care system that actually works is possible? Do you think that taking away these kids from their biological parents might actually save them and have a positive effect on society?

 

[Luke]

Sterilise all kids at puberty and only reverse it when they have proven themselves to be responsible and prepared financially.
Harsh?

 

[KautoStar]

Sounds like someone knows they will never have children.

 

[BDEE]

I do the same and have done for years.

I do it more since having kids....

It makes me rage some of the **** I see. I saw an 18 month ish old with a can of coke a while back, whilst the 6/7 year old shouted "shes drinking it shes drinking it" to the 25 stone mother that was buying them all pizzas. That filled me with rage. It does make you think that some kind of steralisation program for degenerates is needed before we end up in even more of a mess.

 

[cm1179]

I judge when I see parents spending out on lavish birthday presents for their kids yet they don't feed them anything remotely nutritional or keep their clothes clean.

especially if said parents are on benefits.

i have a friend who is a single mother on benefits. 3 kids. everytime there's a birthday, we get treated to a dozen photo's of the present's she bought via fb. usually averaging i'd say £500 (iphone, ipad, etc etc). all paid for by the taxpayer.

i am not saying this makes her a bad person, she's a good person. is she doing the right thing? not really my place to say but i don't have kids and if i did, they certainly wouldn't get that kind of money spent on them for a <10th birthday. i think keeping a roof over their head may be more important.

i was in a shopping centre, this is going back 10 yrs ago. but i'll never forget the lump i saw with her baby in a pushchair, stood outside mcdonalds, sucking the salt of some fries and giving them to her baby.

 

[HangTime]

I judge when I see mothers screaming at their 3-4 year old to shut up

I suspect the majority of mothers to disruptive children at one time or another have done that, and not all of them are what I would deem a bad mother. Stress and pressure can build up to the point at which they feel they have no real alternative - especially if they need a release but don't want to resort to physical violence in front of their child. A key thing you need to remember is that a parent to a toddler cannot simply do what you normally might in that situation i.e. walk away. You cannot take 30 seconds to walk away and calm down because you love your child and will not abandon them. You are stuck in that environment with that child. There is no escape. The pressure is mounting. There is no escape.

 

[rubberduck]

It does seem the case that the worse a parent someone will make, the more keen they are to have kids at a young age, and as many as possible too! I honestly see so many 'parents' with a troupe of kids and they clearly seem to take no pleasure in their roles as a parent, I really wonder why they bother. It's probably just coded in to them to reproduce but they don't have the intelligence or foresight to understand what they are taking on at the time. Unfortunately it always tends to be the couples with the least quality as parents that reproduce like rabbits while the good, financially secure couples have fewer than average children...

 

[AHarvey]

make it so that you need a licence to have children AND get benefits.

You are entitled to have a child without a licence but you can forget government help.

Provide better education on how to raise children, in fact, any eduction on would be beneficial! Most people only go off how they were raised....cycle of bad parenting right there!

 

[elmarko]

make it so that you need a licence to have children AND get benefits.

You are entitled to have a child without a licence but you can forget government help.

Provide better education on how to raise children, in fact, any eduction on would be beneficial! Most people only go off how they were raised....cycle of bad parenting right there!

Terrible idea, forcing poor young families into extreme poverty will not stop them reproducing.

Just look at the poorest parts of the world & consider the population growth statistics.

You are correct on the second part, education is part of the solution.

 

[Manbatius]

I say we take off and nuke the entire site from orbit, it's the only way to be sure.

Sorry wrong thread.

Or is it..........

In seriousness and in answering OP, there is obviously no easy solution.

I agree with some others education is important. I would not be shocked if a lot of the story's in thread were about mothers who just did not know. Mind you of course a fair bit will also be parents who are not interested and hey a Mcdonalds cooks itself.

The problem with education is the people who need educated the most don't want to learn. Perhaps its something that should be done younger in life.

 

[pinkowl]

I dont judge too much. You dont know whats going on in their lives and wont know if it is how they behave everyday. Being a parent is a hard work anyways so most likely you are going to shout at some point even tho you shouldn't.

The parents I do judge are the ones I see shopping and buying nothing but junk... That is the most disgusting thing you can do to your children: causing them health problems when they have no power to choose.

 

[Haggisman]

I do the same and have done for years.

I do it more since having kids....
.

I'm the same. I'm fact just yesterday I was in the doctors picking up my little boy's prescription, and there was a giant whale with 3 kids aged between ~3-8 stuffing their faces with coke and crisps. Couldn't help but think "you're going to turn out just like mum..."

 

[Skidder]

I've had a pretty full life, worked in extremely challenging and pressured environments, hung on by my fingernails building up a business through the downturn, moved 1000s of miles without knowing a single other person etc. etc. (we all have our challenges, I'm not saying there is anything unusual in that) and the single hardest and continuing thing I have ever done is bringing up my two children.

It is extremely rewarding and I love them but they throw curve balls at you that you just can't expect. They go through developmental stages that can make them beyond all reason and no amount of armchair parenting can provide the right solution every time.

I'm a pretty calm person but I have been reduced to shouting at my nippers, I hate having done it but they can occasionally prompt reactions you wouldn't imagine you had in you.

They are all different but I have two of the most headstrong littleuns known to man, which is mostly wonderful but by god can they surprise you.

In terms of your care system thoughts, surely the goal is to keep families together but give them the tools to succeed in all aspects of their life. Yes it may be hard to break a cycle but you've got to try, right? All sounds just a touch authoritarian

 

[RDM]

Being a parent is a hard work anyways so most likely you are going to shout at some point even tho you shouldn't.

I am not really sure that it is hard work, granted it takes a certain amount of effort, but I wouldn't call it hard work.

 

[bartledvd]

Me and my brothers never got into any real trouble as we where all to terrified of our mum finding out she knew everyone in our town worst thing i ever did was spend 18p change from shop on big red chewing gum she got a police officer round to talk to me it was not about value of money just did not want me to think it was OK just to take with out permission 9 yrs old police men sat there i was bricking it turns out the officer was family friend.
Kids just do not fear getting in trouble as they know there is little you can do and bragging rights of being in trouble is all worth it, my brother who is a police officer gets frustrated with this as often the parents he deals with are worse than the kids and just expect him to wave a magic wand make everything better with no effort from them

 

[pinkowl]

I am not really sure that it is hard work, granted it takes a certain amount of effort, but I wouldn't call it hard work.

Try saying that to my friend who has a special need child. For what I see it is pretty hard work for them. As well as for people with no special need children sometimes with different things going on.

 

[RDM]

Try saying that to my friend who has a special need child. For what I see it is pretty hard work for them. As well as for people with no special need children sometimes with different things going on.

Kids with special needs are the exception rather than the rule though.

 

[pinkowl]

Kids with special needs are the exception rather than the rule though.

Yes they might be but like I said, you shouldnt judge if you dont know whats going on in their lives. Or say it isnt hard work as for quite a few people it is.

 

[Skidder]

I am not really sure that it is hard work, granted it takes a certain amount of effort, but I wouldn't call it hard work.

I think it is. Do you have kids?

My wife is by choice a full time mother (also studying for an MBA) and finds it much more challenging than her previous roles at hedge funds/investment banks.

It's not hard work like labouring, it's hard because it is often repetitive, unrelenting, 24 hours a day etc. etc.

 

[RDM]

I think it is. Do you have kids?

Yes and I don't really find it hard work at all, most of it is fun and relaxing.