Life just took a divebomb - 8 Years down the pan.

David_VI

David_VI

David_VI

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Joined
8 Feb 2011
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1,767
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Colchester
Yeah i'm that guy who wrote the essay on how he got his dream job as a train driver.. Life just... all over you right?

I felt I had to get this out somewhere and GD seems a good place.

I've been with my girlfriend 8+ Years. We had our ups and downs, nothing drastic, never argued. Both quite messed up people with depression and such.

Anyhow, after what I thought was an amazing week with her I get home from my shift (1830-2am) to find the house quite empty and a note. The note is two sides of A5 in large 1cm writing, in other words nothing of substance, including the line "I could write for pages but it would be pointless" (so not going to tell me why eh?) and "It's over and i'm not coming back, don't try to contact me".

Rewind to a week and a bit earlier.. I know shes been talking to a guy from work, not really hidden it per se, I was aware they're friends. But at some point while sitting in bed I saw her talking to him on facebook in corner of my eye.. So I ask, "who you talking to?" And she tells me someone else.

So naturally back in the present, this guy is a prime suspect. I used to work where she now works and worked closely with a guy who is good friends with the guy in question. I spoke to him and he said his friend had previously talked about liking someone and its complicated. My friend also phones the guy and asks why he wasn't at work "I'm off sick and driving to the lake district with 'a mate'".. All adds up right?


Anyway you get the drift. I am a wreck. Not sleeping, not eating, feel permenantely sick. Constantly thinking...
The fact she couldn't even tell me the truth, I am still left with unanswered questions. Sure fine for her but what about me here, when someone writes "Don't try to contact me" Do they seriously think after 8 years you'l be like.. oh fair enough, you're gone.. I'll just get on with it. As well as going on as normal together, especially the last week where we spent way more time together, playing games, going out, she recieved a few gifts from me and some of the best sex ever, even upto the last night.. It makes no sense to me :( Seems out of the blue but something like this has to be planned, moving furniture between 1830-2am from a second floor flat!?

I'm quite a loner, I such at maintaining friendships but damn I need them now. Definately feel alone. Just had to get this out because I really don't have many people to talk to at all.

I would post more because i'm really struggling, i'm barely independent and now I have to learn, I can't afford to live here alone among other things but i'll wait for replies..
 
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However bad you feel just don't go begging to her and looking all weak and pathetic, best thing you can do is try to move on and with any luck she'll realise the grass isn't greener and come running back.. although whether you'd want her back after this is another matter.
 
Throw yourself in to your work, don't let that suffer or you'll go even further downhill. If she's the kind of coward that'll pack up and leave while you're not there then she's not worth the misery and even if she did change her mind and come back, what's to stop her putting you through it again?

Chin up, have you any family to lean on?
 
Change your thinking. Consider it a lucky escape, go out, have fun, do all things you always wanted to but she was never interested in. Go paintballing with mates, buy two seater sports car and get away to Wales/Scotland for weekend. Move on mate. You'll get nowhere wallowing in the past. If she's suddenly left then there's a very good chance something has already happened.
 
Mate you have a badass job, it's not all over. Don't let this hurdle cause you to lose everything.
 
Why did she treat you with such discontent? Have you done something to upset her or treated her in such a way? Seems odd for her behavior to be so harsh if thing's were just normal and you never argued.

P.S. As some have said you have an unbelievable job with great money - you can do a lot in life and attract someone much better easily just have to believe in yourself.
 
arknor said:
I'd kick the guys ass
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Do not do this, this is a stupid post. It won't make you feel better, it'll make things a million times worse.
You also need to change your thinking, there is only one suspect, that's her, she's the one in the relationship. Not that there's anything to say she cheated. People do change and move. Yes it sucks, yes it's painful. But it happens.

Chin up, you say your a bit of a loner, but you must have some friends to take you out and enjoy some things.
 
Married: No
Kids: No

Move on. This could be the best thing to happen to you :)
 
Thanks guys.

I did send her a text and offered her dates and times to talk because really I need to know truth or there is no closure and I can't move on even if I wanted to. Her friend messaged me to tell me she can't reply as shes on a mountain :confused: but will be back Monday so will contact about talking..
I suppose thats hope in getting answers at least. But I fear breaking down and begging, trying to fix it.

Really all I want is to go back to how things were.. it's like a bad dream.

Vegeta said:
Why did she treat you with such discontent? Have you done something to upset her or treated her in such a way? Seems odd for her behavior to be so harsh if thing's were just normal and you never argued.

P.S. As some have said you have an unbelievable job with great money - you can do a lot in life and attract someone much better easily just have to believe in yourself.
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I really don't know, that is what is messing me up the most. Why accept gifts, gig tickets, play games and have a great time with me the same week you were planning to run off. My only theory is she knows I wouldn't let her go and would make it harder, but still is that an excuse? If you're with someone for 8 years you'd think you would show some respect and care and not mess with someone in such a horrific way.

Especially when you're the person who motivated that person to get their dream job and you're now causing them to go to that job a wreck with the possibility of losing that job. One **** up due to lack of concentration and i'm screwed.
 
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Glaucus said:
Do not do this, this is a stupid post. It won't make you feel better, it'll make things a million times worse.
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Yeah, it would probably make things a million times worse, but it might be worth it as it might well make him feel better. You cannot possibly judge how an individual might feel after gaining some form of retribution, no matter how superficial it might be or the consequences therein.
 
David_VI said:
Sure fine for her but what about me here, when someone writes "Don't try to contact me" Do they seriously think after 8 years you'l be like.. oh fair enough, you're gone.. I'll just get on with it.
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It sounds (and will be) difficult as hell, but this is honestly the best thing you can do. Exercise, stay productive, get yourself into a new routine. You proved what you're capable of by getting your dream job, continue down that track (pun intended).
 
Castiel said:
Yeah, it would probably make things a million times worse, but it might be worth it as it might well make him feel better. You cannot possibly judge how an individual might feel after gaining some form of retribution, no matter how superficial it might be or the consequences therein.
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For 99% of people it will not make them feel better, maybe for 5seconds. It makes people feel worse in even the medium time.
And it's a really stupid thing to post in this thread. He's emotional. It's upto friends or in this case internet to talk some sense. and not reinforce his negative thoughts, with something that will make his life worse.

Pretty shocked you posted that.
 
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Time will heal and as others have said move on and really do forget her. It won't be easy considering your situation but please try otherwise you will just cause yourself more hurt in the future.

You mention that you can't afford the place you're in on your own. How many bedrooms is it? If you have a spare room rent it out to someone, problem solved :) This would also solve your being alone issue too.
 
I would advise that if the woman cannot even give you an explanation, or tell you things are over to your face (at the very least) then she is not worth having mate.

I know that does nothing to help the way you are feeling right now, but people like that are not good for you. They will drag you down because, in essence, they are selfish and cowardly.

You have your dream job, after all the effort to get it do not put it in jeopardy by going off the rails or doing something silly like attacking her new boyfriend.

Let her go, you are better off without her. I know you feel angry, hurt, maybe even a little afraid - but life will get better and you will most likely find that she did you a favour, particularly when you meet that person that is worth it and you look back on this time in your life and think "damn, I'm so much better off now". :)
 
Castiel said:
Yeah, it would probably make things a million times worse, but it might be worth it as it might well make him feel better. You cannot possibly judge how an individual might feel after gaining some form of retribution, no matter how superficial it might be or the consequences therein.
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I'm surprised at you condoning physical violence!
 
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