Life just took a divebomb - 8 Years down the pan.
- Thread starter David_VI
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My girlfriend of 7 years left me via text message. Excuse was she wasn't in a good place mentally and needed to be alone, truth was she was a lying bint and a coward that was already nobbling someone else.
Am now married to an amazing woman with two awesome kids and honestly life couldn't be better, I possibly wouldn't be where I am now if the ex didn't get rid so she really did do me a favour.
Every cloud has a silver lining.......
Am now married to an amazing woman with two awesome kids and honestly life couldn't be better, I possibly wouldn't be where I am now if the ex didn't get rid so she really did do me a favour.
Every cloud has a silver lining.......
I wasn't assuming anything, he actually stated it.
Yeah i'm totally blameless 
. Everyone has their problems, noones perfect it's just how you deal with them.
There are two sides to every story and I have been a ****, but never gone out of my way to be a ****. Nothing that would warrant such behaviour out of the blue without no talking.
Of course it's gone through my head that it's my fault and it was a long time coming, all it took was someone who cared to make her realise. We've been in a similiar situation before where she was talking to another guy but it was secretive even though he was my friend.
I find it hard to show care. At least in the way she would want it shown I suppose, I mean even the last week we spent great quality time together, laughed, had sex more than usual :\ and I bought her gifts..
But i've always been honest with her. Tried to get her to be honest with me. The trust for her has definately been on the downhill in the last two years or so, not worrying about her with other guys but just the fact she wouldn't tell me things.
I guess she felt trapped and the opportunity fell into place.
Still nothing warrants the way she did this. If she thought 8 years and apparently loving me, wanting to marry me had any meaning surely she would have talked to me so I knew what was wrong.
This is my fear when she comes to talk to me. That i'll have been running through conversations/arguements in my head, what I want to say whether it being neutral or a proper **** but when it comes to it it'l turn onto me and she'l tell me 'the truth', how it was all my fault.
If any of you guys think this was in anyway my fault, why would I have any reason to lie and make it sound like I was perfect?!. I believe i'm an honest guy and well i've got nothing to lose now.
. Everyone has their problems, noones perfect it's just how you deal with them.There are two sides to every story and I have been a ****, but never gone out of my way to be a ****. Nothing that would warrant such behaviour out of the blue without no talking.
Of course it's gone through my head that it's my fault and it was a long time coming, all it took was someone who cared to make her realise. We've been in a similiar situation before where she was talking to another guy but it was secretive even though he was my friend.
I find it hard to show care. At least in the way she would want it shown I suppose, I mean even the last week we spent great quality time together, laughed, had sex more than usual :\ and I bought her gifts..
But i've always been honest with her. Tried to get her to be honest with me. The trust for her has definately been on the downhill in the last two years or so, not worrying about her with other guys but just the fact she wouldn't tell me things.
I guess she felt trapped and the opportunity fell into place.
Still nothing warrants the way she did this. If she thought 8 years and apparently loving me, wanting to marry me had any meaning surely she would have talked to me so I knew what was wrong.
This is my fear when she comes to talk to me. That i'll have been running through conversations/arguements in my head, what I want to say whether it being neutral or a proper **** but when it comes to it it'l turn onto me and she'l tell me 'the truth', how it was all my fault.
If any of you guys think this was in anyway my fault, why would I have any reason to lie and make it sound like I was perfect?!. I believe i'm an honest guy and well i've got nothing to lose now.
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Two things kept me going when my ex decided I was no longer good enough for him. One was work, just having something that offered routine and normality did me the world of good and provided me with focus, a reason to keep going if you will. The other was my family and friends, I knew that I could phone someone whenever I needed to and they would be there to listen, to meet up or just give you something to smile about.
Things will get better after the initial shock of it, you just need to make that decision of sink or swim. Good luck x
Things will get better after the initial shock of it, you just need to make that decision of sink or swim. Good luck x
Soldato
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^ cant add much to that, its spot on.
It wont be easy (youre only human) but you need to put her out of your mind and life. Dont waste time on this anymore. "Throw away the rearview mirror" as they say and only look forward.
Work, friends & family are v important at this time. Also I know its been said a lot but its true: if youre up for it join a gym or any workout class.
I have been through what youre going through now & working out + making loads of new friends at local sports center pretty much got me out of a hole.
As Minxy said - you got a choice; sink or swim. Dont let her drag you down. Shes gone - and you need to be gone from her picture too.
She might tell you something you don't want to hear, why put yourself through that?
Most of the time there are not any answers, not one you will want to hear anyway. I wouldn't bother as it will not be pleasant and probably won't resolve anything and will possibly just make you feel worse.
Yeah I know, but can it be much worse than thinking these things and not knowing? I don't know.
Either way it's over and I will have to start moving on properly from that day onwards.
Just after 8 years you'd think there would be respect enough to get closure.
You did your best mate as others have said probably best to move on as there's no point in wasting time with someone who just packs and goes with some kid note after 8 years.
Be the grown up and deal with it, you're not the one running off here. You want answers but the way things turned out should be enough of one to know it could just cause more grief.
Anyway you still got your job so don't go losing that as well, let it be a motivation to get back on track.
Be the grown up and deal with it, you're not the one running off here. You want answers but the way things turned out should be enough of one to know it could just cause more grief.
Anyway you still got your job so don't go losing that as well, let it be a motivation to get back on track.
if you want closure then go for it, otherwise it will make things worse as it will be in your head all the time wondering
.if it comes out she considers it all your fault without being specific, theres nothing you can do, if she has specific issues then use that as best you can as you go on/into your next relationship.
yeah it hurts like hell , been there done that, as some have already said you just have to take each day as it comes, grit ya teeth and go forward, eventually the hurt will ease, will still be times when it pops back when memories resurface, but it does get easier.
You keep bringing up the 8 year figure. That figure is meaningless, whether it was 8 years or 8 months, your relationship has ended up in fail. That's harsh but that's the why it is, just take it as a life lesson, learn, adapt, move on. In time you will be grateful to her for you ending up in the inevitable relationship that is true and appreciated with someone you deserve. It could have been so much worse, you could have married and had kids. So consider that you have dodged that bullet and now that the world is yours to discover, go and smash pasty, etc 
Best of luck.
the forums do give me a warm fuzzy feeling sometimes.
Best of luck.
Work early Monday
Where do you normally drink?
the forums do give me a warm fuzzy feeling sometimes.I didn't even insinuate that you're telling him to do anything(that's a remarkable leap by the way), I'm just pointing out how much of a farce it is in general that people will often jump to conclusions and act without thinking, which leads on to the following.
What I said in more simplistic terms is;
You said not to assume, I gave a counter argument to also not assume, if you're going to be throwing around things like..
but it might be worth it as it might well make him feel better
Sometimes it can. Like I said, you shouldn't be assuming how a person feels just because that's how you feel.
Can you not understand how you're not doing yourself any favours when multiple people think you're saying the exact opposite of what you're trying to convey.
Even if you later explain you don't condone it, those words sounds exactly like the sort of thing someone condoning it does. Next time just take the extra 10 seconds to type that.
Lastly as far as two reads of David's posts go, in this universe none of us knew this "chap" knew, not until after I stated it. I'm happy to be proved wrong because I missed that one sentence but I'm very sure he didn't mention it.
I mean go head, show me where he said that without an edited post, show me where I went wrong. Do it. David even said "Well he must have known".: That doesn't sound very affirmative if he isn't sure himself.
Associate
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I don't agree with that logic at all.
If it wasn't that guy it would be someone else she'd have found.
She was probably just not happy. Most people go elsewhere when somethings not right in the relationship for them. It could be that you're endlessy arguing, you're over possessive, the relationship has turned into a routine, or just boredom, whatever the reason is they'll have a reason that fully justifies to themselves what they're doing.
Yes in an ideal world you'd want to sit and talk about it, but that very rarely happens. The easy option is avoid the confrontation and go with the "knight in shining armour". The fact she left the way she did leaving a note shows that she clearly didn't want a confrontation or to have to justify herself or answer questions.
When people do go elsewhere and the novelty wears off, they can then start to realise that the grass may not be greener. It's at that point when they come back with their tail between their legs. I'd personally never take someone back as I'd be too paranoid they'd do it again, as in my mind taking them back gives them almost a green light that they can do it again and you'd take them back.
There isn't much you can do, I wouldn't even try and get "answers", you'll never know the real reason, and regardless of the whats and whys it won't change anything.
The only thing that will make things "better" is time, you'll feel crap for some time, and be asking yourself lots of questions that you won't have the answers to but in time you'll move on.
P.S I haven't read the whole thread so not sure if it's been mentioned, but life is too short, I'd try and look at positives, e.g if there are no children, and you're not married it makes things much easier, no further complications or ties to her. It's always hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel at the time, but I guarantee that you won't feel like this forever.
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