Life just took a divebomb - 8 Years down the pan.

my brother is doing a similar thing in being a complete drip with his ex/gf, whatever the hell she is to him.

you two should hang out and form the beta posse
 
David_VI said:
What is in it for her to lie to me? It's not like she wants me back or I want her back.. I don't understand because I wouldn't feel the need to lie.
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She is not wanting you back now,and if you carry on being gullible and needy,undesirable basically she will never want you.

If you grab your balls now,think to yourself she ain't gonna ruin me I'm stronger type thing and act as if you really just dont care about her anymore,ignoring any future texts off her and paying no interest,she will try and come back to you. This usually always happens,especially when your ex and her new boyfriend fallout,and she thinks about you and what your doing.

They usually always comeback if you man up,stop being a wimp,and just avoid future texts and calls saying your too busy to talk right now etc ie dosent have to be nasty.

When she does come back to you,you can either make her your slave :-) or give her a proper exit lol
 
I suspect she did a lot of touching and will do a lot of touching in the future. She is now in the denial stage and you seem to be happy to indulge her in that. My experience is that when these things happen the lying becomes more refined, but it's still lying.
 
David_VI said:
What is in it for her to lie to me? It's not like she wants me back or I want her back.. I don't understand because I wouldn't feel the need to lie.
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Well you are so naïve if you think this. People wont tell you things because it makes things more complicated or messy for them.

Ive had an ex lie straight to my face even with evidence stacked against her. That's after a long relationship so don't go thinking she is some kind of saint.

Reading your posts you seem to be quite a weak pushover kind of guy. You know that phrase "treat em mean keep em keen".. its not 100% true but there is some truth in it. There is no appeal in a bloke that's a wimp. If some girls can take you for a ride, they will.
 
Get rid mate. I found out my ex of 4.5 yrs had been planning to get together with a guy in the last 3 months of our relationship when I saw a xmas card she had sent him with a picture of them together saying "sorry about the bad timing, looking forward to spending more time together in the new year" or some nonsense. Apparently "they hadn't done anything; they were waiting for the right time for me and her to split before they started anything". Looking back they had spent an odd amount of time together "planning lessons" and one night she didn't come home from his because she was "too drunk to walk". All the signs were there in hindsight but I was too stupid to realise.

Hilariously, 6 months later her new fella turned out to be a scumbag and cast her aside like a used tissue. She came back to me wailing and saying sorry for everything that had happened. She didn't want to get back together, but just wanted to atone for her sluttishness. I listened intently to her story, and told her how awful she'd made me feel and she cried even more. It was incredibly satisfying as I hadn't had the chance before that - I had gone "radio-silence" to make a clean break. I have never looked back, and neither should you. She only crawled back into my life to assuage her guilt over what she'd done. I forgave her in the end, because her situation had become a bit pathetic and quite sad.

6 years later, we still occasionally see each other in group situations. Her new boyfriend is a complete tool, doesn't want to get married and doesn't want kids. She wants both and is 31 going on 32. Gutted.
 
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AndyT your story is pretty much what I went through, its strangely satisfying when you know you have moved on. Like you say, I don't remain bitter or anything, I just find it kinda sad that her life panned out the way it did.

Think about the general Male/Female dynamic. If 2 single people probably go 3 dates or a few weeks of texts before ending up in bed together. Do you honestly think that 2 (1 in a relationship) people would ignore that urge and just plan whats gonna happen when they become carefree and single? NO CHANCE.

People don't just hold back for weeks waiting for a relationship to collapse and the green light.

It doesn't happen.

Shes been getting it elsewhere. Accept that. Man up and move on. Otherwise go through your life with this pathetic wimp attitude.
 
This thread makes me feel all ALPHA !

Op don't fall into the trap of letting your feelings for this women rule your head. Move on get some self esteem and enjoy what comes next, with any luck you all over some fit random birds ****.
 
Genuinely impressed with all the Alpha males' comments. Honestly didn't realise how many heroic, manly paragons posted on computer forums nowadays. Bet if there were any dragons about, these guys would sort them out with their manly, ALPHA FISTS then b down t'pub (making sure missus is literally chained to cooker) talking bravely about all the people (wot don't think or look like them) they'd kill if it was legal of course innit and how they'd sort out the Middle East problems with their FISTS OF STEEL and how they've got the fastest Fiesta on the estate, the most kids from different mothers and more PC games than they've got time to play, you know - what with taking out the local drug dealers (n blokes wot looked at their bird) with their MIGHTY FISTS an' all that... not to mention their footie team which is betterer than anyone else's 'cos their fans have got the biggest FISTS!
 
I'm inclined to think that some people are projecting themselves onto this woman, i.e. that given the chance they'd be screwing someone else as a test run before leaving their partner.

I'm reminded of some of the "men are *******s" threads I've seen, full of assumption of guilt and deceit. Those posters are probably projecting too. Same faeces, different sex.

As for the idea that a quick trip up a mountain in Britain can't be done on the spur of the moment...these are British mountains we're talking about, not the Himalayas. No doubt there are difficult routes up some of them that require preparation, skill and equipment, but many of them are things you can hike up with minimal kit and preperation.
 
Pleiades said:
Genuinely impressed with all the Alpha males' comments. Honestly didn't realise how many heroic, manly paragons posted on computer forums nowadays. Bet if there were any dragons about, these guys would sort them out with their manly, ALPHA FISTS then b down t'pub (making sure missus is literally chained to cooker) talking bravely about all the people (wot don't think or look like them) they'd kill if it was legal of course innit and how they'd sort out the Middle East problems with their FISTS OF STEEL and how they've got the fastest Fiesta on the estate, the most kids from different mothers and more PC games than they've got time to play, you know - what with taking out the local drug dealers (n blokes wot looked at their bird) with their MIGHTY FISTS an' all that... not to mention their footie team which is betterer than anyone else's 'cos their fans have got the biggest FISTS!
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Been to middle east 5 times in support of conflict? Check
Am tall and very heavy with muscle? Check
Am man and eat meat, can hunt, maintain a rifle and do other typically man things? Check
Post on computer forum so therefore obviously just a spotty little nerd? Uwotm8?
 
Pleiades said:
Genuinely impressed with all the Alpha males' comments. Honestly didn't realise how many heroic, manly paragons posted on computer forums nowadays. Bet if there were any dragons about, these guys would sort them out with their manly, ALPHA FISTS then b down t'pub (making sure missus is literally chained to cooker) talking bravely about all the people (wot don't think or look like them) they'd kill if it was legal of course innit and how they'd sort out the Middle East problems with their FISTS OF STEEL and how they've got the fastest Fiesta on the estate, the most kids from different mothers and more PC games than they've got time to play, you know - what with taking out the local drug dealers (n blokes wot looked at their bird) with their MIGHTY FISTS an' all that... not to mention their footie team which is betterer than anyone else's 'cos their fans have got the biggest FISTS!
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How Pleiades, did ye just call my pint a puff?
 
As long as the OP has some closure and feels able to move on with his life, that is a start.

OP - My advice would be to draw a line under it and cut her out of your life completely.

I agree with a lot of what has been said about manipulation, and even though I do not know either of you, it sounds like she is simply trying to soothe her guilt. Perhaps your calm and rational behaviour just put a damper on her plans because she expected (maybe even wanted?) you to be a blubbering wreck that cannot survive without her. IE - a backup guy who she can treat how she likes and go back to and use as and when she feels like it.

She may be telling the truth, but it seems like odd behaviour to go up a mountain with two other men after just walking out of a long term relationship. As for being covered in bruises - that seems odd also. I have been walking and hiking many times and I don't get covered in bruises, other than maybe blisters. Only you can decide on what you wish to believe but considering her past behaviour as you have described it - I personally would be less inclined to believe her story.

But I think the key here is to remain strong. She will most likely attempt to leave you hanging on with "can we still be friends?" and "I will pop over from time to time" etc etc.

I would advise that you just say no thanks, and have a clean break.

That way, you can move on properly.

At the end of the day she has made her choices, now she has to live with them. Remaining strong, and forcing her to live with them will actually help her in the long run.

Finally, a marriage of convenience is usually pretty empty. By that I mean that you both gravitated towards each other because you had a need of each other. It seems now that is not so much the case because you are already moving on. New job, new people etc etc. You don't need her as much and that could be at the root of her behaviour. It could be an attempt to reassert her control over you and you have upset that attempt by not being a blubbering wreck.

@ Captain Planet.......

Because you are not a real man unless you are mean, tall, muscular, can oil a gun and have been to the middle east five times? Uwotm8? :rolleyes:
 
David_VI said:
She knows how i'd have been. Previously when she's not been well and wanted to disapear (once about two years ago) I cried and went crazy on her, clinging on and trying to sort things out. Yet nothing was ever sorted out. I truly believe she'd be the same in any relationship, sure there would be the honeymoon period but she would still be this way. Other guys would have got rid of her years ago but as I have similiar problems we always got on with it and let each other be distant and depressed now and then because we knew it would pass and it wasn't personal. I've come a lot further than she has, with new job and such. But most of that is down to her... When I met her I was at home with parents, unemployed on benefits. She helped me go back to college, where I spent 5 years studying music, we went through major financial issues where I got a job at the secure hospital while pursuing my dream job which she helped me with at every stage, the tests, the interviews etc. I'm almost who I am today because of her.

I think she was shocked but glad I wasn't this way (the begging in tears all over the place) when she came round. I suppose it shows I've accepted (in some way) that it was over and managed to keep going (albeit in an unpredictable way). She asked if i'd been eating, checked the fridge, asked about work (she knows I nearly lost my job). She said she was worried that i'd end up killing myself, (I suppose if she was really worried i'd do tha she'd have not done it and checked on me or something).

We're both messed up people, her more so.. but it's what drew us to each other I suppose. Maybe thats why I seem so understanding because shes not just a malicious typical women, I know she can be irrational.

I was ready to destroy her until I heard she didn't touch the guy.. That really changed everything.
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Denial
Anger
Bargaining
Depression
Acceptance
 
jamesblade said:
This thread makes me feel all ALPHA !

Op don't fall into the trap of letting your feelings for this women rule your head. Move on get some self esteem and enjoy what comes next, with any luck you all over some fit random birds ****.
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Easy to say. Relationships can mess with anyone's head. Even the strongest among us. Age does help. I'm far better equipped to handle these things at 34 than I was at 24. He just needs to realise that nobody died, life goes on and he will be happy again.

And to stop making excuses for the lying cheating whore and cut her loose.
 
I think we can conclude that OP should;

O6BckxO.jpg
 
BuffetSlayer said:
As long as the OP has some closure and feels able to move on with his life, that is a start.

OP - My advice would be to draw a line under it and cut her out of your life completely.

I agree with a lot of what has been said about manipulation, and even though I do not know either of you, it sounds like she is simply trying to soothe her guilt. Perhaps your calm and rational behaviour just put a damper on her plans because she expected (maybe even wanted?) you to be a blubbering wreck that cannot survive without her. IE - a backup guy who she can treat how she likes and go back to and use as and when she feels like it.

She may be telling the truth, but it seems like odd behaviour to go up a mountain with two other men after just walking out of a long term relationship. As for being covered in bruises - that seems odd also. I have been walking and hiking many times and I don't get covered in bruises, other than maybe blisters. Only you can decide on what you wish to believe but considering her past behaviour as you have described it - I personally would be less inclined to believe her story.

But I think the key here is to remain strong. She will most likely attempt to leave you hanging on with "can we still be friends?" and "I will pop over from time to time" etc etc.

I would advise that you just say no thanks, and have a clean break.

That way, you can move on properly.

At the end of the day she has made her choices, now she has to live with them. Remaining strong, and forcing her to live with them will actually help her in the long run.

Finally, a marriage of convenience is usually pretty empty. By that I mean that you both gravitated towards each other because you had a need of each other. It seems now that is not so much the case because you are already moving on. New job, new people etc etc. You don't need her as much and that could be at the root of her behaviour. It could be an attempt to reassert her control over you and you have upset that attempt by not being a blubbering wreck.

@ Captain Planet.......

Because you are not a real man unless you are mean, tall, muscular, can oil a gun and have been to the middle east five times? Uwotm8? :rolleyes:
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Rolleyes, awesome :D

Nothing but bitches round these parts it seems sometimes :)
 
It's OK, it's my manly phone, it's water (and oil) resistant. I'm happy my post riled you enough to get your knickers in a twist though.
 
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