Abortion/termination - anyone ever had one?
- Thread starter Spuddy
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Associate
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I was in a very similar situation, except my girlfriend got pregnant by Christmas of first year of undergraduate degree after we had only been together six months! And yes condoms do occasionally break! I knew that she was completely against termination so never really had a discussion about that. I think I am too really. I told her I would be there and support her even if we weren't together. Almost 7 years later, we have an amazing boy, soon to be six and a very comfortable and happy life.
We both managed to finish our degrees and I went on to a phd which I am in the final stages of now and my partner has a good career. If the timing of the birth clashes with final exams I'm sure the university can do something to help. I sat exams at different times to fit around my son being born. As far as finances are concerned I don't think it needs to be that expensive. Also consider that if you do a funded phd that is tax free and does not count in a tax credits assessment (this is the case for most stipends).
Ultimately it's going to be your partners decision, but I wouldn't worry about the practicalities. Money, university etc. you will be able to sort all that out.
We both managed to finish our degrees and I went on to a phd which I am in the final stages of now and my partner has a good career. If the timing of the birth clashes with final exams I'm sure the university can do something to help. I sat exams at different times to fit around my son being born. As far as finances are concerned I don't think it needs to be that expensive. Also consider that if you do a funded phd that is tax free and does not count in a tax credits assessment (this is the case for most stipends).
Ultimately it's going to be your partners decision, but I wouldn't worry about the practicalities. Money, university etc. you will be able to sort all that out.
Soldato
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I suspect that if said baby is born, you'll not regret the decision to keep it. If it's aborted, you may regret that decision. So I'd lean towards keeping it on that basis.
However your concerns about the viability of the relationship are entirely valid. You need to make a decision asap on whether you can see yourself with her in twenty years time. If not, tell her now. Every day you leave it, the harder it will be to abort.
However your concerns about the viability of the relationship are entirely valid. You need to make a decision asap on whether you can see yourself with her in twenty years time. If not, tell her now. Every day you leave it, the harder it will be to abort.
Not much point examining how it's happened or whether contraception worked or otherwise. The girl is pregnant and the OP isn't sure he wants this - any of it. Can't blame him to be fair.
If the OP makes a big thing of it and the girl goes ahead then every time they argue over the baby - she'll use it. She'll use it because, by that time, the male lack of emotion will be out the window and unless there's something very wrong with the OP his heart will be tied to the child.
If the GF chooses to abort, then he supports her and never, ever mentions it again unless prompted by her. It leaves an indelible mark on both lives but scars heal in time.
If the GF goes ahead, abortion has been raised and then rejected, well tough poop OP, step up - you might even enjoy it! If the GF is keen to make it work then she's got to allow you to get your Uni completed - get family involved. Get grandparents (hopefully there is some and not useless - I've seen both ends of the spectrum
) She's already got one so she's going to know which end to feed and which end to clean.
OP makes it work. Does his best, and if it all goes pearshaped and the GF buggers off with the kids well at least you tried and you're young enough to start again. If you only get weekends - sound! - spoil them rotten and send them home full of coke and haribo.
If the OP makes a big thing of it and the girl goes ahead then every time they argue over the baby - she'll use it. She'll use it because, by that time, the male lack of emotion will be out the window and unless there's something very wrong with the OP his heart will be tied to the child.
If the GF chooses to abort, then he supports her and never, ever mentions it again unless prompted by her. It leaves an indelible mark on both lives but scars heal in time.
If the GF goes ahead, abortion has been raised and then rejected, well tough poop OP, step up - you might even enjoy it! If the GF is keen to make it work then she's got to allow you to get your Uni completed - get family involved. Get grandparents (hopefully there is some and not useless - I've seen both ends of the spectrum
) She's already got one so she's going to know which end to feed and which end to clean. OP makes it work. Does his best, and if it all goes pearshaped and the GF buggers off with the kids well at least you tried and you're young enough to start again. If you only get weekends - sound! - spoil them rotten and send them home full of coke and haribo.
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You're not wrong no, Im not sure if it will go the distance. Do I love her, yes undoubtedly but Im still not sure we'll be together forever..
I have a support network of friends and family fortunately, yes.
To be honest, its probably the relationship not being fully fledged but the timing around my career goals/opportunities just adds to the problem. Im finding it hard to commit saying "yes I want to live with you forever and have a family starting NOW" which will change my life completely.
if it's any consolation, you will probably have all the above feelings no matter when you have a child and even if it's planned!!
I'm about to turn 40 and we just had our first 12 weeks ago. I have a decent job and wage (for NI) with pretty good job security - but still all those fears and worries coming rushing out of nowhere!
what I will say though is that if the other half goes ahead with the pregnancy you will adapt - I never thought I'd be able to but it's amazing how you just sort of change your routine automatically to accommodate the little one - hell I even get plenty of pc gaming time!!
Are you planning to settle down with this person, and would eventually want kids? If the answer is yes, then I would say you really just need to sit down with her and make sure you'll both be able to manage (her with the kid(s) and you with studying). You both need to be honest, and and make each other aware of what your expectations are.
You can make it work if you want it to, but only if you're both on the same page.
You can make it work if you want it to, but only if you're both on the same page.
Man of Honour
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And that is extra pressure on any relationship. It's a big step.
Both. The baby didn't produce amniotic fluid due to undeveloped kidneys. Genetics couldn't find anything wrong, we had a letter through the door yesterday stating that they're giving up for now while they wait for technological advances in the science.
We saw a specialist at the UCH in Coventry who is leading a team of researchers in the study of NK cells in the womb. Fiancée has an abnormally high count of these so she's on steroids to suppress them for the initial twelve weeks of the pregnancy (12 week scan is on Monday).
Planning to do that yes if it all works out for us, like I say I still feel its early days right now. Id hate to be together for the sake of the kids making our lives miserable as I've seen that happen first hand with my mum and dad and it was awful.
And although my parents were much happier once they split up, its not nice growing up as a kid without a 'proper family'.
Life's too short to worry about ifs, buts and maybes - by the time you think you're 'ready' other things can get in the way. My sister waited and put her career first, unfortunately she had a rather large ovarian cyst a few years ago and is unable to conceive now.
Like I said, sit down with her be as honest as you can. If you want kids and to settle down with her sometime - then sometime might be now. If however you're having second thoughts on the relationship - then don't keep quiet about it.
Similarly, you need her to be honest with you - will she be supporting your choice to carry on post grad or does she expect you to graduate, get a job and bring home the bacon?
Guys I really think this thread should be deleted from here.
There is a guy who has posted saying him and his wife have just lost a full term baby and had to give birth to a stillborn...do you think this is really necessary to discuss about actually getting rid of a life form?
I think in light Mods can you delete?
Appreciate it is a discussion forum, but timing is pretty bad!
There is a guy who has posted saying him and his wife have just lost a full term baby and had to give birth to a stillborn...do you think this is really necessary to discuss about actually getting rid of a life form?
I think in light Mods can you delete?
Appreciate it is a discussion forum, but timing is pretty bad!
Man of Honour
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Both people come here for support. I don't think it's right to deny either party advice and support that they want.
Fair enough, just thought timing was a bit wrong to be talking about a termination in light of the situation.
true but the guy in this thread has choices, the guy in the other has none nature has taken his choices away. given the other chaps situation maybe a little flexation (is this a word?) of the rules and temporarily delete this thread - if that's an option?
likely not I know but just trying to be thoughtful towards the chap with no options
Shoulda stuck to pig's heads, like our dear PM. Much higher success rate in preventing pregnancy than condoms.
Ultimately, if she wants to keep it you can't make her not have it. You need to sit down and have a serious chat about what you want and why. Then you need to man up if you're going to have a child and accept your responsibilities as a father or, if not, you need to throw them condoms away, get some new ones and start using some more reliable contraception!
Ultimately, if she wants to keep it you can't make her not have it. You need to sit down and have a serious chat about what you want and why. Then you need to man up if you're going to have a child and accept your responsibilities as a father or, if not, you need to throw them condoms away, get some new ones and start using some more reliable contraception!
Man of Honour
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Whilst I am aware this is a delicate situation, I don't think it's fair to remove one thread and not the other - and I don't think that helps anyone.
sometimes doing the right thing isn't fair
but I respect where you're coming from mate