Family wedding dilemma

Haggisman · 2 Jun 2016 at 09:11

garak112 said:
Warning this is a mumsnet style thread.

My cousin is getting married this summer and at their engagement party last year my girlfriend (of 9 years) and I were both invited and given a save the date card.

So... you have both been invited?

garak112 said:
Fast forward to today and I have received an invitation to the wedding that is just for me and makes it clear that I can't bring a guest. I double checked and it was the intention to not invite my girlfriend.

No, no you didn't

So as far as you are aware, the last communication you received on the matter is that you were both invited

Jamesyboyjim · 2 Jun 2016 at 09:15

Your loyalty should be with your long term lady

Don't go basically. I certainly wouldn't.

aardvark · 2 Jun 2016 at 09:19

wouldn't go.
as someone said its only a cousin anyway - i haven't seen mine for 15 years and not bothered.

Schizo · 2 Jun 2016 at 09:22

Cosimo said:
What a lame excuse for not inviting a partner. It my girlfriend (almost) partner of nine years wasn't invited I would decline the invitation.

This.

Danthus · 2 Jun 2016 at 09:23

Go on your own.

Bridesmaids.

Twirlywoos · 2 Jun 2016 at 09:24

ColdAsIce · 2 Jun 2016 at 09:26

I would 100% not be going. 9 Years together is a long time and she should practically be seen as family.

Would be letting my cousin know exactly how I feel about this too.

Glanza · 2 Jun 2016 at 09:28

I wouldn't go unless both invited.

garak112 · 2 Jun 2016 at 09:32

The invitation was sent to my dad and he queried it. The reason given was numbers.

I suspect the issue stems from the fact that we didn't attend a big family holiday earlier this year (sister and husband did). The reason we didn't was my dad got confused and thought we couldn't go so didn't relay the invite until too late.

Steampunk · 2 Jun 2016 at 09:40

Girlfriend of nine years > cousin.

I wouldn't bother making a big issue off it, just decline the invite. Unless they ask for details, just say they've put you in a difficult position by not inviting your girlfriend, so you've decided not to attend because she's upset to be excluded. They might backpeddle at this point.

beachBOYken · 2 Jun 2016 at 09:46

Would not go and would be quite pleased at not going anyway.

pastymuncher · 2 Jun 2016 at 09:52

Long time girlfriend comes before a rarely seen tight fisted cousin.

garak112 · 2 Jun 2016 at 10:01

beachBOYken said:
Would not go and would be quite pleased at not going anyway.

This is my thought too, I have officially declined.

Hiijinx · 2 Jun 2016 at 10:02

Attend the ceremony if you like your cousin and go out to dinner immediately after with the GF while your still dressed up, bypassing the long drawn out after party.

uvarvu · 2 Jun 2016 at 10:10

garak112 said:
This is my thought too, I have officially declined.

Yes I seriously hate weddings. Part of me wants to cancel mine and get married in private.

Semple · 2 Jun 2016 at 10:17

The Mad Rapper said:
Haven't we seen this thread before? Last time it turned out that the best man was the ex of the GF and that's why she wasn't invited.

I seem to remember a thread on this too!

booyaka said:
Tough call - people have to draw the line somewhere from a cost/venue point of view but a girlfriend of 9 years not going as your partner seems a bit off.

I would politely decline (hand written letter or something) - saying that you feel that it's not suitable you attend on your own when your significant other is not invited

As above, i'm betting that won't be the shortest relationship invited to that wedding - including those that are recently married.

xs2man · 2 Jun 2016 at 10:28

Efour said:
Wouldn't go. Dodged a bullet, id be chuffed !

This is how I'd feel too personally.

But if you do like your cousin, I do like the idea of going to the ceremony and ditching the reception / party. You could even wrap that up in a

"I didn't think things were so tight for you, so you don't need to worry about paying for my meal either, that's your wedding present from me"

Then take the Mrs out for a slap up feed and dancing or whatever.

G J · 2 Jun 2016 at 10:32

I don't know why people get so concerned about the expense of a wedding, its the divorce you got to worry about.

Rids · 2 Jun 2016 at 10:36

pastymuncher said:
Long time girlfriend comes before a rarely seen tight fisted cousin.

I don't know why, as its a common expression I've heard multiple times, but my mind decided to jump completely the wrong with "tight fisted cousin"

flowrider99 · 2 Jun 2016 at 10:40

garak112 said:
Warning this is a mumsnet style thread.

My cousin is getting married this summer and at their engagement party last year my girlfriend (of 9 years) and I were both invited and given a save the date card.

Fast forward to today and I have received an invitation to the wedding that is just for me and makes it clear that I can't bring a guest. I double checked and it was the intention to not invite my girlfriend.

The reason is because they need to keep the numbers down which we were both fine with however we then found out that they had invited my sisters partner.

My girlfriend is understandably upset about this because she thinks that they don't like her or that she's done something to upset them (she definitely hasn't).

My mum is livid and has told me that I shouldn't go, my sister has told me not to reply until the last minute because a space may become available (although this doesn't change the issue that she wasn't invited in the first place).

My gut tells me that I shouldn't go but this will just make things complicated with the family, although I do have to live with my girlfriend...

Any advice?

I would explain that on occasions such as this you and your girlfriend are one and the same so if she isn't invited then you will not be attending either. Its not as if you had only been a couple for a few months after all!