ignorant parents and misbehaving children How do you deal with them ?
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Soldato
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If the mother is creating a scene and then wins, the children will learn and copy that.
Keeping 4 boys under control is never going to be easy so her kicking off is more likely a defensive reaction as she knows she can't cope, but won't admit it. You can help by keeping some or all of them busy at something they like doing: kicking a football around in the garden for example. Just get them out of the house to burn energy off whenever weather permits.
Or go with the redbull suggestion, but give them high sugar sweets as well.
Keeping 4 boys under control is never going to be easy so her kicking off is more likely a defensive reaction as she knows she can't cope, but won't admit it. You can help by keeping some or all of them busy at something they like doing: kicking a football around in the garden for example. Just get them out of the house to burn energy off whenever weather permits.
Or go with the redbull suggestion, but give them high sugar sweets as well.
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You say they come around everyday. Is this everyday after school? How long do they stay for, until your brother finishes work and picks them up? Or do they stay for tea and leave late in the evening?
I'd hate to come home form work and have my evening ruined everyday by noisy kids and woman just looking for an excuse for a fight, especially when they aren't even yours. I'm surprised you have let it go on for more than a few days.
Why do they need to visit your place everyday? Surely they don't need to see their grandparents daily. If they miss and love them so much they would show more respect when there, including their mother. Seems like they are just using your home to get the kids fed and relaxed before they go back to their own home.
Kids need a routine and being at your place isn't giving them that. I have 3 boys of a similar age and they never behave like that when home and definitely when at someone else's place or out.
After school they'll want to relax. Do you have a garden they can play football in or a local park nearby? Do they calm down if you put a movie on for them? They need to be kept busy/interested in something.
I'd hate to come home form work and have my evening ruined everyday by noisy kids and woman just looking for an excuse for a fight, especially when they aren't even yours. I'm surprised you have let it go on for more than a few days.
Why do they need to visit your place everyday? Surely they don't need to see their grandparents daily. If they miss and love them so much they would show more respect when there, including their mother. Seems like they are just using your home to get the kids fed and relaxed before they go back to their own home.
Kids need a routine and being at your place isn't giving them that. I have 3 boys of a similar age and they never behave like that when home and definitely when at someone else's place or out.
After school they'll want to relax. Do you have a garden they can play football in or a local park nearby? Do they calm down if you put a movie on for them? They need to be kept busy/interested in something.
Soldato
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The most OcUK reply ever!
In all seriousness, you need to have a word with your brother, ask him to have a word with his missus, tell him if he doesn't then you'll have to say something to her, you can't tolerate the bad behaviour any more so its crunch time.
My sister is raising feral children and I tell them off all the time when they are round my house.
I raise my kids more or less how my Mum an Dad raised me so it baffles me how my sister raises hers, when she was raised the same as me. The things she will allow her kids to get away with really annoys me.
I raise my kids more or less how my Mum an Dad raised me so it baffles me how my sister raises hers, when she was raised the same as me. The things she will allow her kids to get away with really annoys me.
Have a chat to your brother OP.
His Mrs isn't the best one to approach as she's likely to turn it all on you. She's probably had years of practice.
I would say though it's not always back and white dealing the the nuances of family politics.
His Mrs isn't the best one to approach as she's likely to turn it all on you. She's probably had years of practice.
I would say though it's not always back and white dealing the the nuances of family politics.
Man of Honour
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Children need clear boundaries. Their actions otherwise is only the effect of not laying down simple rules and ethics.
Children are also the product of their peers.. They learn behaviour (good or bad ) from others that influence around them.
Children are also the product of their peers.. They learn behaviour (good or bad ) from others that influence around them.
Soldato
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Speak directly to the children when they are misbehaving, clearly and calmly. Tell them that they are not to behave like that while at your house and that they should respect other people's feelings and property. If your SIL makes a scene, gives it the "don't you [blah blah] my kids!" etc, then ask her whether of not she agrees that they should treat other people's property with respect.
Agree with Huddy that kids need clearly defined boundaries and if their parents aren't going to provide them in your house then you certainly can.
Agree with Huddy that kids need clearly defined boundaries and if their parents aren't going to provide them in your house then you certainly can.
The most OcUK reply ever!
In all seriousness, you need to have a word with your brother, ask him to have a word with his missus, tell him if he doesn't then you'll have to say something to her, you can't tolerate the bad behaviour any more so its crunch time.
I love your signature.
Soldato
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I would upset them and discipline the children. End of.
I do it with my niece's. I'll pull them up on anything. Same with my young cousins. I'm not a parent and no relatives of mine will be chavvy, disrespectful animals. Kids are kids to a limit....
"My house, my rules."
I do it with my niece's. I'll pull them up on anything. Same with my young cousins. I'm not a parent and no relatives of mine will be chavvy, disrespectful animals. Kids are kids to a limit....
"My house, my rules."
As somebody else said, speak to your brother.
Trying to tell mothers their children aren't behaving generally ends badly, they get defensive and shift the blame.
Sometimes it's the other way round though, you're best to judge your own brother than I am.
Otherwise not a lot you can do about it, maybe take away any privileges they may have, snacks, money, tv channels or wifi is an easy one you can enforce without doing much, (for the kids, not the parents
).
I wouldn't give any ultimatums to the parents, it won't end well.
That's great if you want to be the grumpy Uncle nobody visits anymore.
Trying to tell mothers their children aren't behaving generally ends badly, they get defensive and shift the blame.
Sometimes it's the other way round though, you're best to judge your own brother than I am.
Otherwise not a lot you can do about it, maybe take away any privileges they may have, snacks, money, tv channels or wifi is an easy one you can enforce without doing much, (for the kids, not the parents
). I wouldn't give any ultimatums to the parents, it won't end well.
I would upset them and discipline the children. End of.
I do it with my niece's. I'll pull them up on anything. Same with my young cousins. I'm not a parent and no relatives of mine will be chavvy, disrespectful animals. Kids are kids to a limit....
"My house, my rules."
That's great if you want to be the grumpy Uncle nobody visits anymore.
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Soldato
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That's great if you want to be the grumpy Uncle nobody visits anymore.
I take them to the cinema and plays etc but they are coming to the age of answering back... Hell no! Lol
They did it to their Grandma once and she didn't hear it but I made them go and apologise for answering back and told them to speak to people properly.
No messing.
I have to babysit on occasion but never get any issues... The main issue I have is with a 9 yr old sitting on a tablet for 8hrs a day.... Shouldn't be allowed.... Get off your backside or you'll get fat....Hello obesity crisis... Lol
Kids in my house follow my rules.
Family and friends, I will discipline their kids if needed and I would expect them to do the same. Children are raised by a family and a community, not just by their parents.
Anyone who doesn't like that can jog on.
I'd invite them all round, have a chat to both of them about it and tell them that under your roof it's your rules (i've used that exact line on my mum in my house), if they don't like it they aren't welcome and your parents can go to them to visit.
Don't be scared of the conflict, if she kicks off and stops coming round problem solved
This