Under what circumstances should your son/daughter start contributing?

I haven't read through the whole thread, so what I'm about to say has probably already been said, but I'd expect the boys to be contributing financially as soon as they got themselves a job, I'm not saying half their wages or anything, but I think something around 200 quid a month is very fair if they are working fulltime as there is still money to save / blow. I'd also expect them to help with things like hoovering, washing up, tidying up etc.
 
Being someone who has to contribute (not because my parents asked for it but because otherwise my dad would likely have been kicked out and lost everything, and with that me who lives there), I'd never ask my kids to contribute when I get them, sorry to say but I think it's bad parenting if your kids have to support you.

Don't get ****ing kids if you can't afford em. Just my opinion.

As to keeping the house/doing household stuff, **** that, everybody cleans up after themselves and sod the rest, can't stand people expecting me to do their crap, only if you pay me. I'm willing to help my parents out of own free will, but would otherwise easily tell them to do it themselves if they started asking for it (or well I do to my dad, as he uses the situation to ask for more and more, despite him not doing things for me the recent years).

When I get kids I want three things, I want them to do well at school, I want them to have some morals (eg. not do to others what they wouldn't like themselves) and finally, work some job from 16-17 y/o. Otherwise I don't care, if they do well at school and keep a stable job for all I care they can come home drunk at 3am with some broad every day and do whatever they want. Otherwise I want them to make their own mistakes and learn from them, and provide a worry free environment (financially) for them so they can do what they want.

Tbh, being someone who does his own washing now, own cooking, and the whole stuff, I don't think it's so important, and get annoyed when people whinge about nonsense like washing up or cooking or whatever, I honestly don't mind putting stuff off for a few weeks and living in conditions what you guys would call squalor. If I'm busy with other stuff there might be weeks or months that I don't clean stuff, and the only problem with that are women (in this case my mum who comes to visit always complains how we can live in such conditions, conditions that don't bother me or my dad in the slightest, I don't invite other people over to my house but I'm at peace with that), both me and my dad can easily ignore mess. People behave like the chores of a home are so important and make huge deals out of them, I personally have other priorities like learning or doing well at work and earning as much as possible on the side. If you're good enough at work you can easily afford someone to do the cleaning for you, and that's what I'd do if our house wasn't filled with thousands worth of fragile pc hardware lying around literally on every corner/spot in the house.

What I'm, trying to say with the above, I won't bother my kids with stuff like that except to clean their own junk, if they want clean plates they will get their own set of plates and only use them, or they can go buy their own, etc... To many people abuse situations where people have to clean crap that isn't theirs. I don't consider many things important, the most important thing is they don't undermine their success and happiness later in life, but I don't consider doing chores or helping out financially contribute to those things. I will teach them DIY when their bike breaks or something else they want changed needs to be done. I will teach them if you want something, to go do it themselves. I won't bother them if their room is a mess, as long as they keep the mess in their room. When they get fed up of the mess they can clean it themselves. I will teach them not to be dependant on others and that everything is in their own hands, and a mindset that they can think for themselves instead of blindly conforming to what everyone else does to.

To many people these days are used to a certain type of order, scheduling, and generally giving away responsibility for various things they should be doing themselves.

Simply said, when my kid gets 18, she/he can live however the hell he wants as long as he doesn't bother me (which is not easily), manages his own stuff (washing, food cleaning, fixing his stuff, DIY in his room or whatever he breaks) himself, while I manage mine. They can live for free as long as he doesn't cost me (mainly) time and extra money (bar the basic utilities).
 
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The only reason to make your kid contribute:

Contribution of a small amount (for them) to teach them the value of money

The bad reasons:

1. To make ends meet. If you need to make your kid pay because you cant, then YOU are living beyond your means and so are they due to your choices.

2. Because you did. Well, why not make him do all the stupid things you did as a kid too? contributing an amount which is significant to them is detrimental to their happiness and future. If they feel that they need to pursue the short road to a quick pay-cheque, rather than invest into their education to further their future earnings, then you are parenting wrong.

Desperation for money makes people do stupid things. Teenagers may not seem like they feel desperate for cash when they are clothed, roofed and fed for free but its funny how the small things like being able to go out with mates or being able to afford buy xxx because everyone has yyy, is enough to turn some youngsters to petty theft. I am not saying making kids pay rent will make them criminals but i remember my mate weighing up whether it was worth buying a bottle of vodka or saving the money for rent, then he just walked out with the bottle and cash after coming to a conclusion.
 
Avenged7Fold said:
The bad reasons:

2. Because you did. Well, why not make him do all the stupid things you did as a kid too? contributing an amount which is significant to them is detrimental to their happiness and future. If they feel that they need to pursue the short road to a quick pay-cheque, rather than invest into their education to further their future earnings, then you are parenting wrong.

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Reminds me of something my dad said once to me that I took issue with at the time.

Had move back in with him and he wanted £30 a week lodgings. He doesn't need the money. I say its an unfair amount really. He pipes up he had to pay £35 a week to my nan and granddad.

The difference being I said was he got all his washing thrown in plus ironing, plus meals and no need for any chores save DIY. Now as someone who eats 5 plus meals a day and wanted healthy foods (not microwave cardboard garbage) he would have all food gone in a matter of days. Eg "where has the pack of eggs gone" in my omelette... "what all six?" Yup "that's ridiculous!" Then other things where has the pack of fish gone? Had it for my tea... "that's for two people" oh *reaches for 9pm food.

The good news is I don't and didn't pay board for long as he saw it as unreasonable considering what I was getting. Other than a couple of quid extra leccy a week that was it.
 
My Mum didn't want anything from me or my brother, her partner was of the stiffer sort(northerner) and thought we should pay something so Mum asked for £10 a week which eventually fizzled out and we were back to paying nothing. For me that was 18 onwards after my college and I was working for £160'ish a week. She did our washing and cooked for us once a week which was the, Sunday roast, other then that we were both independent, I cooked for myself with food I bought for myself and my brother ordered takeout. All my money went into the bank and only came out for food about £20 a week, everyone else my age at work took most of their wages out for the weekend and were skint until the following, Friday when they'd do it again. We didn't have chores because we aren't an American TV family but obviously if asked to help we helped.

When I hear people talking about this subject or read it on a forum I don't see the reasoning in taking a simple figure like 20 or 25%, it seems random and something my Mum didn't do and I'll never do to my kids is profit off of them. But I'm not opposed to them paying their way if it's needed, like when coming of age and they aren't subsidised anymore and if I can't afford to keep them then I'll tell them what is required, could be £7 could be £25 and they keep the rest of their money. Obviously if they are being careless then I'll take appropriate actions.

Taking a percentage it could fall either side, to much or to little, you might even not need any money from them and think I'll just sneaky hehe take it and bank it for them and not tell them! your kid is probably thinking "wtf 25% what does that even do.. man I'm out of here ASAP"
 
snowdog said:
Being someone who has to contribute (not because my parents asked for it but because otherwise my dad would likely have been kicked out and lost everything, and with that me who lives there), I'd never ask my kids to contribute when I get them, sorry to say but I think it's bad parenting if your kids have to support you.

Don't get ****ing kids if you can't afford em. Just my opinion.

As to keeping the house/doing household stuff, **** that, everybody cleans up after themselves and sod the rest, can't stand people expecting me to do their crap, only if you pay me. I'm willing to help my parents out of own free will, but would otherwise easily tell them to do it themselves if they started asking for it (or well I do to my dad, as he uses the situation to ask for more and more, despite him not doing things for me the recent years).

When I get kids I want three things, I want them to do well at school, I want them to have some morals (eg. not do to others what they wouldn't like themselves) and finally, work some job from 16-17 y/o. Otherwise I don't care, if they do well at school and keep a stable job for all I care they can come home drunk at 3am with some broad every day and do whatever they want. Otherwise I want them to make their own mistakes and learn from them, and provide a worry free environment (financially) for them so they can do what they want.

Tbh, being someone who does his own washing now, own cooking, and the whole stuff, I don't think it's so important, and get annoyed when people whinge about nonsense like washing up or cooking or whatever, I honestly don't mind putting stuff off for a few weeks and living in conditions what you guys would call squalor. If I'm busy with other stuff there might be weeks or months that I don't clean stuff, and the only problem with that are women (in this case my mum who comes to visit always complains how we can live in such conditions, conditions that don't bother me or my dad in the slightest, I don't invite other people over to my house but I'm at peace with that), both me and my dad can easily ignore mess. People behave like the chores of a home are so important and make huge deals out of them, I personally have other priorities like learning or doing well at work and earning as much as possible on the side. If you're good enough at work you can easily afford someone to do the cleaning for you, and that's what I'd do if our house wasn't filled with thousands worth of fragile pc hardware lying around literally on every corner/spot in the house.

What I'm, trying to say with the above, I won't bother my kids with stuff like that except to clean their own junk, if they want clean plates they will get their own set of plates and only use them, or they can go buy their own, etc... To many people abuse situations where people have to clean crap that isn't theirs. I don't consider many things important, the most important thing is they don't undermine their success and happiness later in life, but I don't consider doing chores or helping out financially contribute to those things. I will teach them DIY when their bike breaks or something else they want changed needs to be done. I will teach them if you want something, to go do it themselves. I won't bother them if their room is a mess, as long as they keep the mess in their room. When they get fed up of the mess they can clean it themselves. I will teach them not to be dependant on others and that everything is in their own hands, and a mindset that they can think for themselves instead of blindly conforming to what everyone else does to.

To many people these days are used to a certain type of order, scheduling, and generally giving away responsibility for various things they should be doing themselves.

Simply said, when my kid gets 18, she/he can live however the hell he wants as long as he doesn't bother me (which is not easily), manages his own stuff (washing, food cleaning, fixing his stuff, DIY in his room or whatever he breaks) himself, while I manage mine. They can live for free as long as he doesn't cost me (mainly) time and extra money (bar the basic utilities).
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Much of the attitude expressed in that reflects exactly why I insisted my kids contributed, both financially and in doing things round the house.

But let me be clear about one thing. Requiring a contribution is nothing whatever to do with not being able to afford kids. It's about several things, but not that.

The primary purpose is to get them used to the fact that, as adults, living costs money. It is also about ridding them of the notion that they can simply assume the Bank of Mum and Dad is going to underwrite their lifestyle, whatever they choose to fo, and that my HOME is a hotel for them.

So they contributed nothing, financially, until they'd finished full-time education, and were earning. An education which, by the way, we oaid for, was at very considerable cost, through school and both under-grad and post-graduate levels at university. We made sure that money worries were not a distraction, that all living and university costs were met without resorting to loans, and that trying to study while working to afford to study wasn't necessary. So, they studied full-time and didn't need to work to do so.

However, we also made clear that while we'd pay for studies that were leading somewhere, and do so happily, there were two limitations. One was it must be leading somewhere; we weren't interested in funding a permanent student lifestyle as a way of avoiding getting a job. Secondly, results matter. Fail to produce them and the money fliw would dry up. Why? Because my wife and I are both geaduates, remember the temptations of uni life and aren't paying for an education to fund a three, four or five year non-stop party,

Our kids had the best start we could give them, including education, but we're not about to turn them into spoilt brats that thunk the world owes them a luxury lifestyle, and that it'll be presented gift-wrapped.

But the notion of us charging them 'rent' because we couldn't afford kids? That's funny. Truly hilarious, in fact. At one point, we were paying about $150k a year in school fees alone. And glad to do it.

There was also the time my second-eldest buy decided that paying rent at home was somehow unfair, and that he wanted his "independence", by which he meant he didn't want to pull hus weight in the home. So he decided to move out.

To give him credit, or at least as a testament to either his stupifity or stubborness, he lasted almost three months before he moved back in, somewhat humbled, having discovered the hard way just exactly what the "rent" he was paying at home bought him out in the big wide world.

His siblings took careful note too, and never tried that stunt. ;)

Much the same logic applies to doing chores about the house, and most definitely not just cleaning up after themselves. My home is a home for all of us, and while you, or indeed a couple of my kids might be vontent with varying degrees of "squalor", my wife and myself definitely are noy. Our home is not either a doss house or a hotel, and our kids aren't treating it as such. And the kids, once working adults, are family members, not visiting guests. That comes with responsibilities as well as benefits. As young children, obviously, they get a feee pass but as they grew up, they'd get age-appropriate jobs to do. My eldest, as a teenager, objected to washing the car from time to time. Okay, that's fine with me. But I don't put my cars in machine car-washes so if he's not prepared to do as I do and wash it, presumably he's not planning on borrowing it either? Of course, as soon as he buys his own car, he's very welcome to not wash it. Unsurprisingly, his boycott on car washing didn't last long, and when he did buy his own (with financial help from us, I might add) he discovered he had some pride in it and almost washed the damn paint off it for the first few months.

Every penny of "rent" our kids paid was invested for them, ready for when they stepped onto the property ladder. And, every pound they contributed, we matched, so they had a 100% ROI before it even started. Any loans, like for cars, were expected to be repaid, in full, and barring unexpected events, on time. But were interest-free.

And of course, we'd be there as a safety net if anything went wrong. We were also somewhat more relaxed investors whrn a couple of them started their own businesses but it was an investment, on a business basis, and they had to convince us of the business case as they would any other investor.

We're comfortably off, and the point of charging "rent" was to give our kids every advantage in life we could, but without giving them the impression they could just play at life. We would give them every help we could, but they still had to work hard to succeed. Like everybody does. The "rent" was always set at a reasonable but realistic level, and that's realistic in the context of being under what it would cost them on the open market, but not a trivial sum that was unrepresentative of the real world.

The rent was a tool to help educate them. For us. But others may have different circumstances and objectives. For instance, a one-parent home run by someone on minimum wage and benefits is a different proposition, and if a household "child" is an adult, working full-time and earning well, I can't think of any reason they shouldn't pay their way.
 
Uh-Oh! Someone mentioned money.

Here comes posters to explain how much money they have, despite children.
 
There are definitely arguments for both sides. Whilst I don't think it is necessary to make children contribute financially, in some cases if things are tight and the children are working then I see no reason why they shouldn't.

My Mum never asked me to pay anything towards the household, even when I was working, but I still like to think I was raised well. I would appreciate everything she did and would always do cleaning, or washing when I could to save her the time at the weekends, as well as generally helping out with other things.

For some kids it is a good realty check, but there are definitely other ways to teach your kids respect and appreciation for what is provided for them.
 
Tummy said:
Uh-Oh! Someone mentioned money.

Here comes posters to explain how much money they have, despite children.
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Unlike yours it was an interesting, thoughtful and informative post. Are people who can afford children not allowed to post for fear of getting sand in your panties because of that?
 
At 18 they can start paying rent so long as they are earning. All I'd do with it would be to put it into savings for them so they can't fritter it away until they're due to move out. Then they'll have a sizeable deposit to do what they like with.
 
snowdog said:
Don't get ****ing kids if you can't afford em. Just my opinion.

Simply said, when my kid gets 18, she/he can live however the hell he wants as long as he doesn't bother me (which is not easily), manages his own stuff (washing, food cleaning, fixing his stuff, DIY in his room or whatever he breaks) himself, while I manage mine. They can live for free as long as he doesn't cost me (mainly) time and extra money (bar the basic utilities).
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Sorry to focus on this, I cut out most of the drivel as well. But you go from saying if you can't afford kids don't have them to when they turn 18 as long as they are self funding I will be happy? Eh? Ok, 18 the yare technically an adult, but seriously?

Also your attitude towards your future kids is boggling. 'They can live for free as long as he doesn't cost me (mainly) time and extra money'. Even 18+ they will still need time and money I am afraid. Also 'live however the hell he wants as long as he doesn't bother me', WUT?!? Just live in your own bubbles?

Perhaps is just the way you word things.

I paid rent since I started working part time whilst at college. 20% of my take home. Stayed that way till I moved out. Parents didn't need it. Not in the slightest. More out of principle and to ready myself for the big wide world. From starting work to moving out my rent (then plus savings) went from around £200 a month to around £1500. When I was ready to move out I was use to seeing all that money leave my account, so having a mortgage to pay, bills, food, etc .wasn't a culture shock.

I thank them dearly for it.

(some of the keep was saved, and it helped furnish my house :P)
 
Em3bbs said:
Unlike yours it was an interesting, thoughtful and informative post. Are people who can afford children not allowed to post for fear of getting sand in your panties because of that?
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I couldn't get past how much money he'd got over and over again:D

I'm skint, I've never had a well paid job but I didn't expect my kids pay one penny.
 
SexyGreyFox said:
I couldn't get past how much money he'd got over and over again:D

I'm skint, I've never had a well paid job but I didn't expect my kids pay one penny.
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I think you need to look at it from another angle. For those of us who have and are asking them to pay it isn't to assist us to meet the bills it's to teach them a lesson and a process.

It's about preparing them for life - not using them to assist your personal lifestyle.
 
I had to start contributing when my parents stopped being paid child maintenance for me. I feel that this is fair as at this point the government has stopped contributing for a child maintenance therefore they need to start paying their way.
 
Xordium said:
I think you need to look at it from another angle. For those of us who have and are asking them to pay it isn't to assist us to meet the bills it's to teach them a lesson and a process.

It's about preparing them for life - not using them to assist your personal lifestyle.
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I think you've missed the point, my girls 27 & 29 have turned out to be well adjusted kids who haven't been spoilt.
There are other ways to do it without money changing hands.
 
It's one of those typical parenting scenarios, what works for one set of parents/kids might not work for others. People are different, some kids who paid their parents rent will go on to be terrible at managing money when they are adults, some who paid nothing will be fantastic. It's really only when you get to absolutely spoilt kids that you tend to see more problems.

This thread will go round and around with people defending the way they brought up their own kids or the way they were brought up themselves. It's not going to change people's minds either way if they think the opposite.
 
Have 2 kids both way below working age (2 & 0). At this moment I don't feel that I would ask them to contribute in any way with regards to money. Helping out around the house doing 'chores' and keeping their rooms tidy will be more than enough.

They each have a savings account which will be under their control in their early teens which hopefully will teach them to be responsible with their money. Any birthday/christmas money goes in to the account and any spare change lying around the house eventually goes in to the accounts.

They also have an ISA (unknown to them and will remain unknown) which will be under their control when they are 18 and monthly contributions are made to these accounts. Hoping this will have enough to start towards a house deposit or continued savings.


I personally started paying 'rent' at home when I started working. Think I used to give £300 which I felt was fair at the time. Slightly different scenario though since I moved away for a few years for my first job and then moved back home for a year for my 2nd job so was already used to paying rent and managing my money.
 
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