Poll: Terrible joke thread
- Thread starter snips86x
- Start date
Soldato
- Joined
- 13 Jun 2011
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- 6,053
Ban x 100
Soldato
- Joined
- 29 Dec 2009
- Posts
- 7,304
My flatmate left the fridge door open last night and everything melted.
Bit annoying but nevermind eh, it's all water under the fridge now.
Bit annoying but nevermind eh, it's all water under the fridge now.
Permabanned
- Joined
- 6 Sep 2011
- Posts
- 1,726
What does the cheese say when it sees itself in the mirror
Halloumi
Halloumi
I lol'd, not sure why though
Maybe you're oarstruck.
Soldato
- Joined
- 11 Jan 2007
- Posts
- 8,803
- Location
- *̡̡ı ̡̡͡|̲̲̲͡͡͡ ̲▫̲͡ ̲̲̲͡͡π̲̲͡͡ ̲̲͡▫̲̲͡͡ ̲|̡̡
Why did the Medium cross the road?
To get to the other side.
A German, a pole and a Czech left camp for a hike through the woods, later on they were reported missing.
Two days later rangers found two bears, one female,one male, looking decidedly overstuffed.
they shot the female, autopsied her, and sure enough, they found the German and the Pole.
"Where do you think the other one is?" asked the first ranger
"The Czech's in the male" said the second ranger.
What did one cannibal say to the other while they were eating a clown?
Does this taste funny to you?
Did you know that the people of Dubai don't like the Flintstones? But Abu Dhabi do.
What do you call a fat computer?
A Dell.
Where do Martians get Mercury from?
HG Wells.
What's E.T short for?
Because he's got little legs
What sort of house can you carry? A light house
A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there is a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He has been checking her out since he sat down, but lacks the nerve to talk with her.
Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket toward the man. He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air, and hands it back.
'Oh my, I am so sorry,' the woman says as she pops her eye back in place.
'Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you,' she says.
They enjoy a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards they go to the theatre followed by drinks. They talk, they laugh, she shares her deepest dreams and he shares his. She listens.
After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap and stay for breakfast. They had a wonderful, wonderful time.
The next morning, she cooks a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The guy is amazed. Everything had been SO incredible! 'You know,' he said, 'you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?'
'No,' she replies...
'You just caught my eye.'
What do you call it when Batman skips church?
Christian Bale
How many tickles does it take to make a squid laugh?
Ten tickles.
What types of bees give milk?
Boo Bees.
What kind of tea is hard to swallow?
Reality
The midget fortune teller who kills his customers is a small medium at large
Did you hear about the Mexican train killer? He had locomotives.
Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? Because the “P” is silent.
My friend recently got crushed by a pile of books, but he’s only got his shelf to blame.
What do you call a big pile of kittens? A meowntain.
PMS should just be called ovary-acting.
I tried to catch some fog, I mist.
When chemists die, they barium.
Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.
A soldier that survived mustard gas and pepper spray is a seasoned veteran.
I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He say he can stop any time.
I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.
I am reading a book about anti-mavity. I can't put it down.
Duracell bunny arrested. Charged with battery.
How do you make holy water? Burn the hell out of it.
When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.
What does a clock do when it's hungry? It goes back four seconds.
The Korean's have created a new instant snack meal which is totally vegetarian. It's called Not Poodle.
My partner and I watched Breaking Bad, back to back. Luckily I was the one facing the TV.
To get to the other side.
A German, a pole and a Czech left camp for a hike through the woods, later on they were reported missing.
Two days later rangers found two bears, one female,one male, looking decidedly overstuffed.
they shot the female, autopsied her, and sure enough, they found the German and the Pole.
"Where do you think the other one is?" asked the first ranger
"The Czech's in the male" said the second ranger.
What did one cannibal say to the other while they were eating a clown?
Does this taste funny to you?
Did you know that the people of Dubai don't like the Flintstones? But Abu Dhabi do.
What do you call a fat computer?
A Dell.
Where do Martians get Mercury from?
HG Wells.
What's E.T short for?
Because he's got little legs
What sort of house can you carry? A light house
A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there is a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He has been checking her out since he sat down, but lacks the nerve to talk with her.
Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket toward the man. He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air, and hands it back.
'Oh my, I am so sorry,' the woman says as she pops her eye back in place.
'Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you,' she says.
They enjoy a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards they go to the theatre followed by drinks. They talk, they laugh, she shares her deepest dreams and he shares his. She listens.
After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap and stay for breakfast. They had a wonderful, wonderful time.
The next morning, she cooks a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The guy is amazed. Everything had been SO incredible! 'You know,' he said, 'you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?'
'No,' she replies...
'You just caught my eye.'
What do you call it when Batman skips church?
Christian Bale
How many tickles does it take to make a squid laugh?
Ten tickles.
What types of bees give milk?
Boo Bees.
What kind of tea is hard to swallow?
Reality
The midget fortune teller who kills his customers is a small medium at large
Did you hear about the Mexican train killer? He had locomotives.
Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? Because the “P” is silent.
My friend recently got crushed by a pile of books, but he’s only got his shelf to blame.
What do you call a big pile of kittens? A meowntain.
PMS should just be called ovary-acting.
I tried to catch some fog, I mist.
When chemists die, they barium.
Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.
A soldier that survived mustard gas and pepper spray is a seasoned veteran.
I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He say he can stop any time.
I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.
I am reading a book about anti-mavity. I can't put it down.
Duracell bunny arrested. Charged with battery.
How do you make holy water? Burn the hell out of it.
When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.
What does a clock do when it's hungry? It goes back four seconds.
The Korean's have created a new instant snack meal which is totally vegetarian. It's called Not Poodle.
My partner and I watched Breaking Bad, back to back. Luckily I was the one facing the TV.
Soldato
- Joined
- 14 Aug 2008
- Posts
- 4,255
- Location
- North Sea
Got hit over the head with a cordless drill the other day.
I was minding my own business, then suddenly, 'Bosch!'
I was minding my own business, then suddenly, 'Bosch!'
Soldato
- Joined
- 19 Jan 2006
- Posts
- 4,689
I was hoovering in my pants the other day, who knew my balls got so dusty!
Associate
- Joined
- 10 Apr 2015
- Posts
- 1,033
- Location
- airdrie, scotland
what do you call a man buried under a pile of leaves???
russell
russell
Man with a car on his head? Jack