Lunch with the opposite sex

[Freefaller]

don't you think a lot of it(general ignorance and insular behaviour etc) is based on their religion and they don't have the spread of religion and non-religion Europe has so cant really be compared.

Nearly all religions teach we are right you are wrong attitude along with do not mingle

It's an influence no doubt about it. But that's because a lot of it is not progressive or influenced by the rest of the world, but by its own "insularity" - so it becomes an ever self reinforcing behaviour. BUt it is not the only thing - a lot of Europe still has strong connections to faith, and yet does not have this draconian behaviour (well not everywhere anyway!).

 

[PardonTheWait]

I work in the same building as a close friend's wife (who is also a friend) and we have lunch together a couple of times a week most weeks.

What am I supposed to do, pretend she doesn't exist? She's my mate.

However - that's because we work in the same building, I do think it would be a bit unusual to go a long way out of your way to have lunch with a woman who wasn't your other half, or who was someone else's.

But not necessarily wrong.. just possibly inappropriate. Depends on lots of things. Like whether you want to bump uglies with her, and whether it would be appropriate if you did.

 

[Freefaller]

If you want to bump uglies with a woman when you're in a relationship or she is, it says more about you than anything else

I've gone across town to meet a friend for lunch I don't see it as strange. A friend is a friend. No more no less.

 

[phonemonkey]

This.

I'm the only male in an admin department. I have my lunch at my desk, thus eat with them. When there's a birthday, we'll go out for lunch (pub or café) and thus I have lunch with them. Sometimes an after-work drink/meal with them too.

And this is why context is king. Surely it's not universally either acceptable or unacceptable? There's a world of difference between a candlelit meal in an intimate restaurant you've picked because you don't want to be seen and a simple lunch with a colleague after all.

 

[PardonTheWait]

If you want to bump uglies with a woman when you're in a relationship or she is, it says more about you than anything else

I've gone across town to meet a friend for lunch I don't see it as strange. A friend is a friend. No more no less.

That's exactly what I mean - there's situations where maybe it would be mildly (or wholly) inappropriate to have lunch with a particular woman, but that's down to the people and their relationship(s), not the meal.

 

[Ayahuasca]

If you want to bump uglies with a woman when you're in a relationship or she is, it says more about you than anything else

All it really says is he's a pretty normal male, you're obviously not going to be entirely honest about this subject as your wife posts here but nobody of normal function only finds 1 individual sexually appealing regardless of whether you're married or in a relationship, add things like alcohol into the mix and all it takes is 1 glass of wine for some people to lose their inhibitions slightly.

That's why the poll doesn't mean anything as the context in these situations would make all the difference.

 

[h4rm0ny]

All it really says is he's a pretty normal male, you're obviously not going to be entirely honest about this subject as your wife posts here but nobody of normal function only finds 1 individual sexually appealing regardless of whether you're married or in a relationship, add things like alcohol into the mix and all it takes is 1 glass of wine for some people to lose their inhibitions slightly.

That's why the poll doesn't mean anything as the context in these situations would make all the difference.

Being married or in love doesn't stop you wanting other people. It gives you something more important than that.

 

[Ayahuasca]

Being married or in love doesn't stop you wanting other people. It gives you something more important than that.

Of course, I'm not doubting that's the case for FF, but for the millions of others who aren't as disciplined or don't put as much importance on marriage or their partner then it's easy to see why in certain situations some individuals see it as inappropriate.

If you've got enough self worth and the ability to form an understanding on whoever it is you've settled for then you're likely to find any of the behaviours in the OP appropriate, for those who think it's inappropriate then as others have alluded to religion could play a big part or they just don't value themselves or their partner enough to trust nothing else to happen.

The questions are too broad to form a conclusion on what exactly it is people find appropriate/inappropriate.

 

[Freefaller]

All it really says is he's a pretty normal male, you're obviously not going to be entirely honest about this subject as your wife posts here but nobody of normal function only finds 1 individual sexually appealing regardless of whether you're married or in a relationship, add things like alcohol into the mix and all it takes is 1 glass of wine for some people to lose their inhibitions slightly.

That's why the poll doesn't mean anything as the context in these situations would make all the difference.

No of course I find other women pretty - but you know what? I can even comfortably say whether a man is handsome or not. It doesn't make me want to explore my sexuality with him.

I think it is a pretty sad state of affairs (no pun intended!) where you can't even have an alcoholic drink without starting to potentially feel inappropriate towards another person because of "lowered inhibitions".

Sure, human nature is to mate, and so on - some research suggests that monogamous relationships are not normal in the human makeup. I don't know if I agree, but my take was purely subjective of course.

I guess I've just had different experiences growing up - perhaps because I grew up abroad? But whilst sexuality was never scorned and something to be embraced but not flaunted, I've never felt the desire to chase anything that is female that offered me a smile.

I am an outrageous flirt, and as mentioned have many female friends (more so than male friends) - most of whom I do not feel an ounce of sexual flicker towards - even before I was married and had a family. I was never much (ever) a one-night stand sort of chap.

So I'm not suggesting you're wrong at all - in fact I probably am wrong - because I think in this case I am an exception, I find it really hard to comprehend that ceaseless desire to go and jump into bed with any woman that shows you any attention. We've all had dozens of short term flings, girlfriends and some more serious ones in the past, but that doesn't mitigate the fact that during those times you also had female friends too? or does it?

If you were gay, and had a drink with a bloke, does that suddenly make it a frisson of excitement as it could lead to "possibilities?"

 

[Roar87]

No of course I find other women pretty - but you know what? I can even comfortably say whether a man is handsome or not. It doesn't make me want to explore my sexuality with him.

If you were gay, and had a drink with a bloke, does that suddenly make it a frisson of excitement as it could lead to "possibilities?"

These aren't the same things, yes you can objectively say whether a man is good looking or not, but that isn't the same as how you feel when looking at a woman and finding her attractive. There's also a clear distinction between getting drunk with a man and getting drunk with a woman, these examples are silly, you're basically saying that your sexual preferences go out of the window when clearly that isn't the case. The inhibition for some people would be how loyal they were to their partner (or how they just forget about them and go along with how they feel at the time), you don't suddenly find the opposite sex attractive. I mean you must know this just isn't true for anyone.

 

[Freefaller]

No I was just making a comparison as well as asking. Does a gay or lesbian person, behave the same way in terms of potential infidelity, or assuming that because there's someone else talking to them they are suddenly attracted to them.

It's just a bit of an ego thing I think that a lot of people have - understandably, especially with the drinking culture in this country. Suddenly you're the most attractive person in the world, and you must bed the young maiden for Queen and country!!

 

[sports_brah]

I don't understand the promiscuous culture myself, we have been sold a lie. It leads to very little in the end. Then again we must have instant gratification for everything.....

*bing goes my phone with an update*

Ohhhh

 

[Freefaller]

 

[Nitefly]

If you want to bump uglies with a woman when you're in a relationship or she is, it says more about you than anything else

Hmm pretty sure most men want to have sex with various people (to a degree) due to instincts... it's whether or not you pursue promiscuity, when in an agreed monogamous relationship, that says anything about you, rather than merely desiring sex with others.

 

[Freefaller]

Clearly you missed this bit:

Sure, human nature is to mate, and so on - some research suggests that monogamous relationships are not normal in the human makeup. I don't know if I agree, but my take was purely subjective of course.

 

[joey1211]

You're sayin' lunch don't mean nothing, and I'm sayin' it does. I've lunched with a million ladies and they all meant somethin'. We act like they don't, but they do. That's what's so cool about 'em. This sensual thing's goin' on that nobody's talkin about, but you know it and she knows it.

 

[glenimp617]

I don't agree with it, basically if you are having a drink with a female who is not your wife you are cheating. It always ends up with the both of you having sex, unless your ugly. If you are ugly, then you have more important problems to resolve first.

What does the bible say?

How's that GD?

 

[Fireskull]

It doesn't make me want to explore my sexuality with him.

 

[Nitefly]

Clearly you missed this bit:

I didn't miss it, it just doesn't squarely cover the same point

But we are on the same page so hey ho!

 

[Freakbro]

You're sayin' lunch don't mean nothing, and I'm sayin' it does. I've lunched with a million ladies and they all meant somethin'. We act like they don't, but they do. That's what's so cool about 'em. This sensual thing's goin' on that nobody's talkin about, but you know it and she knows it.

I see what you did there