Christmas presents for 18 yr old relatives

TallPaul1878

TallPaul1878

TallPaul1878

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I've just had a conversation with my wife who is the youngest of 4 girls. All of her sisters are in their mid 40s and have children who are growing into adults.

2 of her nieces are aged 18 and 19 and my wife has asked what we should do about them. Both of them have their own money and the 19 yr old works and owns a car.

I have told my wife that we should buy them Christmas cards and if she really wants then a small box of chocolates. For the last few years we don't even receive a Christmas card from these 2 and the older one has a terrible attitude and doesn't even speak to us.

They are both adults now so why should we be expected, and I know their parents will complain, to give them money or presents anymore when they barely acknowledge our existence.

Have any of you had a situation like this? What would you say is common practice for dealing with nieces and nephews who have grown to adulthood?
 
TallPaul1878 said:
I've just had a conversation with my wife who is the youngest of 4 girls. All of her sisters are in their mid 40s and have children who are growing into adults.

2 of her nieces are aged 18 and 19 and my wife has asked what we should do about them. Both of them have their own money and the 19 yr old works and owns a car.

I have told my wife that we should buy them Christmas cards and if she really wants then a small box of chocolates. For the last few years we don't even receive a Christmas card from these 2 and the older one has a terrible attitude and doesn't even speak to us.

They are both adults now so why should we be expected, and I know their parents will complain, to give them money or presents anymore when they barely acknowledge our existence.

Have any of you had a situation like this? What would you say is common practice for dealing with nieces and nephews who have grown to adulthood?
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Card and a box of chocolates and be done with, at the end of the day they are your wives Nieces/Nephews
 
Xire said:
Card and a box of chocolates and be done with, at the end of the day they are your wives nieces.
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That's what I was leaning to. Personally I don't have a good relationship with any of them. I think they are selfish.

My wife has had a number of operations and only one of her sisters visits her in hospital, coincidentally the one who lives furthest away too. She's not in a good way to be honest.
 
So tl:dr is your wife wants to give prezzies to her relatives, you think it's a waste of money and they don't deserve it.

TBH a card and chocs or prosecco is good enough. I will also add that you should either give them all a card and prezzie or none of them. Christmas isn't really the occasion to announce which relatives you do and don't like... Well, it is but usually it is on the day and while drunk.

I personally think you keep giving into adulthood and sooner or later they give back but my parents and relatives are each from quite pro-christian countries that are big on Christmas, while the GFs older family is traditional Christian.

To be honest, you don't really give for the receiver but you give for yourself. If it makes your wife feel better to give nicer prezzies within reason, then i guess it will be money well spent regardless of if they deserve it.
 
Avenged7Fold said:
So tl:dr is your wife wants to give prezzies to her relatives, you think it's a waste of money and they don't deserve it.

TBH a card and chocs or prosecco is good enough. I will also add that you should either give them all a card and prezzie or none of them. Christmas isn't really the occasion to announce which relatives you do and don't like... Well, it is but usually it is on the day and while drunk.

I personally think you keep giving into adulthood and sooner or later they give back but my parents and relatives are each from quite pro-christian countries that are big on Christmas, while the GFs older family is traditional Christian.

To be honest, you don't really give for the receiver but you give for yourself. If it makes your wife feel better to give nicer prezzies within reason, then i guess it will be money well spent regardless of if they deserve it.
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Actually she is the one who was considering giving nothing but a card, it is me who suggested chocolate for them.

Like I said in a previous post, my wife is unwell and has basically been abandoned by her family. It is myself and my family who have done all the heavy lifting for her. She's kind of upset and let down by them.
 
Rossi~ said:
Gift card: http://www.annsummers.com/gifts/shop-by-category/gift-cards/
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To be honest, not even inappropriate. This is the sort of thing my family give to new GFs of relatives for a bit of a laugh and is often greatly welcomed, have you seen the price of bras?! Did not know a bit of wire and cloth can go for so much!

TallPaul1878 said:
Actually she is the one who was considering giving nothing but a card, it is me who suggested chocolate for them.

Like I said in a previous post, my wife is unwell and has basically been abandoned by her family. It is myself and my family who have done all the heavy lifting for her. She's kind of upset and let down by them.
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Then i guess let her do what she wants but probably persuade her otherwise if you think it will lead to some annoying, passive aggressive confrontation on boxing day.
 
Avenged7Fold said:
To be honest, not even inappropriate. This is the sort of thing my family give to new GFs of relatives for a bit of a laugh and is often greatly welcomed, have you seen the price of bras?! Did not know a bit of wire and cloth can go for so much!



Then i guess let her do what she wants but probably persuade her otherwise if you think it will lead to some annoying, passive aggressive confrontation on boxing day.
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Oh I'd love to give some of them a piece of my mind but I always bite my tongue as you say, they are her relatives.

I think she's a tipping point with them now though. So that's why this has come up.

Pretty sure we're just going to be buying a few 3 for 2 deals from Boots or a couple of boxes of Celebrations and not much else this year.
 
We barely give presents to anyone outside immediate family. We don't want to give gifts just for the sake of giving gifts. I hate receiving stuff I don't want, it's such a waste of money and resources, so I'm not into giving gifts just for the hell of it.
 
TallPaul1878 said:
I have told my wife that we should buy them Christmas cards and if she really wants then a small box of chocolates. For the last few years we don't even receive a Christmas card from these 2 and the older one has a terrible attitude and doesn't even speak to us.

They are both adults now so why should we be expected, and I know their parents will complain, to give them money or presents anymore when they barely acknowledge our existence.
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Going off this bit alone, you should know the answer. Spend what you would waste on them on yourself/wife/those who actually matter.
 
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