Stopped from seeing or speaking to my son on his 9th birthday, today.

Vidar

Vidar

Vidar

Soldato
Joined
18 Dec 2008
Posts
6,709
Location
Liverpool
I must apologise in advance if this turns into a sprawling incoherent mess but I need to vent and don't want to put any stress on my fiancee and generally can't be bothered talking to members of my family who don't understand the need for just getting it out there and will offer something rage inducing like "so... what's the next step?" or "Chin up".

While today could easily be a catalyst for me to go tumbling down that rabbit hole of depression, right now I'm just to damn angry, no angry isn't the word, furious, livid, Furor. No words seem to do justice as to how I'm feeling.

Most of my post history from years ago was me seeking and ignoring advice on what to do over the so called "mother" of my two eldest children. To sum it up I was in a deeply abusive and toxic relationship with a woman who's singular purpose it seemed was to utterly destroy my will to live, I endured not just physical abuse like being kicked, slapped, punched, spat at and bitten to name just a few things but emotional abuse that left me in a very bad way actively contemplating suicide at several points.

But I finally had enough and left, in the process making the biggest mistake of my life, leaving my two kids behind. Part of the emotional abuse was convincing me utterly that I had no rights to my own kids despite being on their birth certificates.

Since leaving in early January 2013 I have been stopped from seeing my children for a period of over two years of their lives. 6 months here, 3 months there etc and have been backwards and forwards to family court more times than I can honestly remember fighting to regain time with them each time she has decided to stop me. Put it this way, I am on first name terms with most of the front of house staff at the court and am almost surprised I haven't got any Christmas cards from them.

We have been that many times and the Judge so sick of seeing us has put a condition on us applying back to court where we must seek permission before doing so. Suffice to say in my opinion she has gotten away with murder, failing to turn up on more than one occasion, making new and unfounded accusations in the court room worthy of Jeremy Kyle. My hard fought time with my kids reinstated time and time again with nothing really changing.

With now needing to seek permission to go to court last year she started a new tactic. Enter the Police!

After going to a wedding in Cyprus October 2016 of which she told me I wasn't allowed to go for some reason, I get home only to be contacted by Merseyside Police asking me to come in for a voluntary interview to answer allegations of assault against my son. The accusations being that I'd apparently thrown an Easter Egg at him and kicked him up the backside! None of which happened, but ultimately led to even more time not being allowed to see my children, social services involvement etc and ultimately another ridiculously expensive trip back to court flanked by an albeit very much worth it solicitor. Naturally the result back from the police was "No Further Action" and my contact was reinstated.

Over the past year there have been several minor incidents that have needed handling by my solicitor such as her not turning up for the kids when she was supposed to but ultimately things have been quite smooth until October just gone.

My fiancee and I welcomed our baby girl Annie-Joyce into the world on the 10th of October and despite a few touch and go moments both are doing fine, my two eldest where absolutely over the moon they had a new baby sister. I had the kids for half term, much longer than court ordered due to their "mother" not turning up and insisting half term was much longer than it actually was. Hey I wasn't bother I had all of my kids under one roof. And then it all began again.

A few days after the two eldest had gone back to their "mother" I received a call from an on duty social worker who would later come to be assigned to the case outright. I was informed that my ex had taken our daughter this time, to school and informed them that she had a bruise on her arm and that I had done it in a fit of rage.

The school did a wishes and feelings assessment at which my little girl said she had no idea where she got the bruise, the school informed the ex of this and she demanded that it be done again in her presence to which the story became "Daddy did it".

Without going into to much detail, fortunately the ex has been caught out lying by social services and giving the kids scripted responses and they finally seem to be seeing her for what she really is, however I have once again been stopped from seeing my kids! For gods sake my daughter was subjected to a full body exam by doctors she has just turned age 7. A faded bruise was found that could possibly have been a grab mark but it had been left so long the doctors couldn't say for sure.

Both are now under a child protection plan for physical and emotional abuse as social services have found them to be deeply troubled by whats been going on, with my son in particular having difficulties. It's also had a knock on effect where I am not allowed to be left alone with the baby, just in case.

So Annie's first Christmas was spent without her big brother and sister. I have to play the waiting game yet again waiting for the police to decide if they're going to pursue things or not, I'd be surprised if they did as my Solicitor was so confident he didn't bother filling in the forms.

Once that's done it seeking permission to go to court, engaging that frighteningly expensive but worth it family solicitor, only this time not to seek my access restored. Things have gone too far now, those poor kids of mine been messed around too much, hurt too much. Told things that no kid should have to hear and put through things that will no doubt scar them for the rest of their lives.

No this time I'm fighting for sole residence of my kids and not only that I'm going to seek removing that vile, evil woman's parental responsibility if at all possible. To stop this from ever happening to them, to us again. So I can give them a proper stable and loving home where we can all hopefully thrive together as a family.

Today though has been really tough, the 11/01/18 was my sons 9th birthday and I wasn't so much as allowed to send him a card. The social worker tried to get me time to speak to him on the phone but the ex just wouldn't have it. God only knows what's been going through both of their minds but today particularly my lads. I love being a Dad more than anything in this world and I miss my kids so much it feels like it could rip me apart, I'm scared for them too and I'm desperate to make it better for them.


Sorry Guys.
 
Sounds like you had two kids with a complete psycho and you and your kids are all now paying the price.

I don't know what else to say really. I hope things improve for you and them.
 
Your ex sounds like a deeply, deeply troubled person, to willingly inflict a life of misery on her own children not just you says a lot.
 
Congratulations on the birth of your latest child.

Your ex-sounds like a horrific individual and I can only hope for your sake that the courts see through her vileness and grant you full custody of your children. One can only begin to imagine the rubbish she is probably feeding your kids about you too, "Daddy this...", "Daddy that...", "Daddy didn't want to see you on your birthday because he was too busy with his girlfriend" etc.

I hope this will eventually be solved so it doesn't rub off on them. Try not to let your fiancee and newborn become collateral damage in this either.

All the best.
 
This woman sounds nuts, but you managed to make her the mother of two of your kids so she can't have been like this all along, right?

How did you two break up? Her attitude stinks very much of cut-your-nose-to-spite-your-face, with your kids obviously in the firing line. Sounds like one hell of a nasty split that she hasn't been able to handle and it's eating her. I suspect that once she finds a new life partner that it might stop so it *might* be in your best interests to expedite this process if at all possible. This screams of closure issues and she could well be punishing you for "deserting" her.

Whilst the overwhelming bitterness is completely understandable, have you tried actually talking to her? Get someone to babysit the kids and have a proper sit down and talk. Maybe even take her to dinner for it, and explain how her behaviour is affecting her kids. It might not help but given your court history, you at least owe it to your kids to try.

As much as it sucks and you won't want to hear it: you need to be the bigger person here. You're letting your hatred of her consume you which means she's winning. Don't get sucked in. Take a step back and re-evaluate your situation, and see where you can help her to overcome her issues so you and your kids can get on with life.

She's clearly got issues and until they're addressed, this is going to carry on.

Good luck dude :)
 
I went through a similar situation, but not as extreme as yours. I also had a good, calm solicitor and, eventually, an equally good barrister. The judge looked at everything on balance, and calmly informed my by then ex-wife that if she played any more games and broke any more court orders for access he would deliver a custodial sentence of two weeks which would likely result in her losing custody.

The problems more or less ceased at that point. I hope you manage to get to a similar situation. It will be neither cheap nor easy.
 
I can't give any guidance or advise as what to do right now as I don't have any kids, nor a bat-**** crazy ex. What I can offer though is the potential glimmer of hope in the future. Kids grow up and they will make their own mind up. It isn't about brainwashing and nor is it about the lies being told. Its hurtful now but as I myself found out over the period of growing up, I form my own opinions on things and find out my own information.

I understand its hurtful now, but as a child that had a very one-sided opinion of his dad presented to him for years, what I can say is that eventually your kids will start to ask questions and analyse whats going on. Sure it will be hurtful now but in a few years when they can make their own mind up properly things will start to sort themselves out on their own. In the meantime I hope you get some help from the services that does something towards putting the short term right

- GP
 
@Vidar sorry to hear you are still having issues. I remember all your previous threads on this.

I am afraid to say your only option now is to start engaging with legal representation and take civil action against your ex primarily but also the police and social services, local education authority.

Its absolutely not a discussion to have on here, and it's preferable you speak directly with a legal counsel so I won't offer more specifics.

Unfortunately this will cost you some money but for a number of reasons it is absolutely imperative you progress something at this stage to protect yourself and your family, even if it is only to the point your legal counsel issues initial letters to each. Then follow up on each further incident.

I would anticipate it will cost you £950-£2k to get to a stage where you can actually feel in control.

Ultimately, your relationship with your ex and access to your children will always be turbulent. You cannot expect to improve this until they are adults. However putting a number of steps in place now, as they mature and can chose whom to live with you will be thankful you took a long term view & legal strategy.
 
All she is doing is setting herself up to look like the villain in 6-7 years when the son comes looking for you and finds out the truth. These stories almost always end the same.
 
Some women are simple bonkers, makes my ex look like Mother Teresa and believe me she's had her moments over the years!

@Vidar, keep strong and just be the best parent you can be in difficult circumstances, many people will give you conflicting advice from "punch her in the ovaries" to "oh the poor woman has been traumatized by you leaving" but at the end of the day the decision are yours.

In my opinion you're doing the right thing, get your kids away from that woman.

HEADRAT
 
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Sounds like she is a massive control freak and is now jealous/bitter that you have moved on from her, I take it she is still single herself?

God knows what twisted version of the story she will tell her new partner if she finds one, or the kids for that matter. Sounds like she would do anything to tarnish your image and make things difficult for you. Have your children expressed any feelings/opinion on the situation to yourself? Hopefully they will grow to see through all the BS that she is spouting and make their own decisions.
 
What really annoys me each time is how the courts, social services and people in general tend to side with the mother no matter how much wrong they have done. But the second the father does the smallest thing wrong, everybody turns against them. To me, that stinks.
 
I remember reading some of your previous posts and troubles you were having, really feel for you! Keep on being the good guy and doing the best by your kids and in time things will get better!!
 
This sounds horrendous. I can't imagine not being able to see my daughter, and the frustration of being slandered like that. It looks like you're doing the right things though, so I hope the truth prevails here.
 
Nasher said:
All she is doing is setting herself up to look like the villain in 6-7 years when the son comes looking for you and finds out the truth. These stories almost always end the same.
Click to expand...

That is eventually the long term game, and yes you are right, these stories always come to the surface.

But right now, he wants to see his children, and its pretty disgusting how woman (ex wife's /gfs etc) use these innocent children as weapons to hurt good dads. But sadly its happening all too often and I was nearly a victim of this myself with my own daughter.

Thankfully I was able to advert any costly legal bills (long story which I won't share) however back to the OP I really do feel for him, and I can only hope he can find means an resources to fight for this right to see his own children. And as you say, hopefully in years to come, the truth will slowly come out.
 
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