14 year old daughter and 16 year old boyfriend.

[Roar87]

Nothing you can do will stop them doing what they want to do so you may as well just be cool and reasonable about it and maintain a good relationship with your daughter.

 

[Columbo]

Set a good example via punctuation.

Ah a man that punctuates correctly.
Just what all the girls are looking for........

 

[bobthejoiner]

had a talk with her then with them both together seems ok no sex.if he has sex with her he is breaking the law.all seems ok a bit of respect both ways?

 

[peige]

Thats the only way you can play this, the more you fight them being together the more it will happen.

If you've brought her up well she'll be fine.

 

[Orionaut]

I was seeing a 14 year old at 17, in my defence I did meet her in a local rock pub where she was happily knocking back purple nastys and she didn't look anywhere near 14.

Where did you discover the purple nasty?

 

[=XDC=FluphyBunny]

Depends on your point of view. Both are still kids.

When I was that age it was pretty normal.

Interesting as anyone at school at 16 dating a 14 year would have the **** taken out of them non-stop!

 

[Freddie1980]

im her father is this right or wrong in this day and age.he came round last night i met him.he is here tonight also.what do you do?

I would suggest watching the 'Alf Stewart' videos on Youtube for advice on how to deal with this situation.

 

[Randomface74]

I had a 14 year old gf at 16, wasn't anything odd about it. She wanted me to smash it but I didn't, so she found someone else who would lol. They call it romeo and juliet law in the US, as long as the ages are similar it's not a big deal.

 

[Raymond Lin]

There’s a movie out right now call Blockers, about dads stopping their daughters losing their virginity.

OP should go watch it together as a family day out.

 

[dowie]

it is a problem that has bothered dads for centuries tbh...

 

[Orionaut]

Hmmn

Over the last 250,000 years/several million, that humans have been human nobody would have batted an eye over this.

This sort of concern is really a very recent thing,

Really very recent, only a couple of generations (If that).

So, (Controversial question) What is the problem?

 

[Angilion]

If it isn't already too late, maybe speak with your daughter and explain to her why it is so much better to wait for these things for later.......

And by later, I mean soemthing like at least 5 years later, would be marvelous if 10 years later

And after she's got a place of her own

The amount of advice I took when I was 14 was so small that you wouldn't be able to find it with the LHC. It's not a good age for taking advice.

Whether it's right or wrong is impossible to tell from the available information, so that's no help to the OP. I've no idea what I'd do, so I've no answer to the OP's second question either. It strikes me that one of the hardest things about being a parent is judging how, when and to what extent to protect your children less. You have to protect them less as they get older or they won't grow up well, but the devil is in the details. I'm glad it's not a problem I have.

Her best protection now is her own knowledge and wisdom. But she's hardly likely to have much wisdom at her age. Who does at that age? Knowledge is where the OP can protect her by making sure she has relevant knowledge. Another problem I'm glad I don't have. I wouldn't be comfortable teaching my daughter (if I had one) about sex, relationships, contraception and STDs. Which would be a problem in itself, since I would also be teaching her that those are things to be uncomfortable about and that's a wrong lesson.

Maybe some discussion is the way to go, bearing in mind that she's not a child. She's an adolescent who probably thinks she's an adult. Different kettle of fish entirely from a child, so the approach has to be different or there's even less chance of her paying any heed to anything the OP says.



I wouldn't care much about the small difference in age. People mature at different rates anyway, so they may be on an equal footing in that respect. The law is relevant, though. Although the OP's daughter isn't the one at direct risk from the law unless she takes photos (it's possible for a minor to be charged with child porn offences for taking a picture of themself - it makes no sense, but it is possible), she might be at indirect risk if she cares about this lad. Although of course they may just be talking and playing video games or something.

 

[Regy53]

I have 3 daughters and this scares me to death

I would say a child in school should not really date somebody who does not need to go to school. Until the child is 16. Then it gets a bit hard

I wouldn’t be happy myself 1, because you think the worst of said male and 2, if somthing did happen you would be the one picking up the pieces. They are so young at this age with no real life experience and so much to learn.

 

[Angilion]

it is a problem that has bothered dads for centuries tbh...
[picture of chastity belt]

I see the joke, but for the sake of accuracy: Chastity belts seem to have been first made in the 19th century and falsely claimed to be older as "proof" of how uncivilised the past was. There are no known older examples and the only indirect reference is to some form of groin armour that it was rumoured that some women wore while travelling between towns in more dangerous areas to protect themselves from the possibility of being raped by bandits. That might have happened, maybe, as travelling between towns could be dangerous in some places at some times.

 

[dowie]

Are you sure about that, I assumed they were older than the 19th century as I remember seeing some during a tour of Hohensalzburg Castle/Fortress in Salzburg?

 

[AHarvey]

Be a grown up, treat them like grown ups and sit down and have a conversation about what is ok and what isn't.

Tell them what you expect from them, the consequences, either make it clear or not bother.

If you're a **** about it, they'll rebel. You want them under your house, open door policy though, so you can know what's going on.

Or, create a fake facebook account in his name, join tinder, swipe right, word will get back and she'll break up with him lol

My daughter is 6, I'm dreading it, but she has 5 uncles. I'm the eldest of the 5 brothers, stocky and mates call me Bear because I look like one. Next brother down is a bouncer skinhead looking type with 2 massive fugly dogs, middle brother looks like a crack head reject from Trainspotting, below him is a 6ft 24-year-old military policeman and my youngest brother in my brother in law are complete wet farts.

That scene from Bad Boys won't have anything on the **** a poor lad will deal with

 

[Caracus2k]

Hmmn

Over the last 250,000 years/several million, that humans have been human nobody would have batted an eye over this.

This sort of concern is really a very recent thing,

Really very recent, only a couple of generations (If that).

So, (Controversial question) What is the problem?

Not sure that's a great argument...... At various places and points in time adults having sex with either relatives or with children (by the modern legal definition) wasn't seen as a big thing or was actively endorsed.....

Even in the UK in 2018 you can discern which particular populations have far higher cultural acceptance for marrying their relatives by their drastically elevated levels of congenital defects compared to others.

Slavery didn't seem so out of the ordinary as well for most of that time as it was a quite common practice widely utilised.

Most of that time, by contemporary standards, was quite often extremely brutal with humans having a far lower life expectancy and with a much increased risk of death due to pregnancy.

So it made some sense to have (many) children when women were younger *(when the risk of complications was sometimes lower) and so the mother was likely to be around a while with her offspring....

*(although being a very young mother drastically increases the risk of death vs being in your later teens or early twenties)

The avergage age at which a woman becomes biologically 'fertile' did not develop in the human species driven by the welfare considerations of the individual women concerned but as a response to evolutionary pressure which was just directed towards preserving the species as a whole....

So while a 14 year old female may have devolped biological maturity sex wise its recognised that they may not be best placed mentally or societally to deal with sex and its likely outcomes.

Old men marrying rather younger females was quite common practice in places like Europe to the middle East and beyond (cue now potentially awkward stories about a 53 year old prophet and his 6 or maybe 7 year old bride) ... Should this still be considered acceptable?

In answer to the Op post..... it's mostly pointless to try and stop this relationship just make it clear what the law says about the age of consent and point out that the boyfriend can find himself a sex offender on a register if he makes a bad decision.....hopefully your daughter has aspirations of makimg something of her life and realises that its best to delay the possibility of childbirth at 14 and has the self confidence not to go along with something out of pressure be it peer or any other sort.

 

[rubberduck]

Replace the ages in the title of this thread with and races and QED you realise OP is ageist.

 

[Angilion]

Are you sure about that, I assumed they were older than the 19th century as I remember seeing some during a tour of Hohensalzburg Castle/Fortress in Salzburg?

I'm as sure as it is possible to be. All references prior to the 19th century (and there aren't many) are in a humorous context. Some make fun of the husband for his distrust and excessive suspicion. Some appear to be satire on the idea of a chastity belt and/or a way of sneaking porn past censorship (you can, for example, find a couple of images of a woman completely nude except for a very small chastity belt which looks like a shiny bikini bottom). Some Christian texts might (depending on how you translate them) make a reference to them as allegory, but not as an actual item. Another approach is to consider the practical aspect - such a device would be unwearable to the extent of being downright dangerous and likely fatal sooner or later unless there was extensive padding underneath, which would make it impossible to go to the toilet without removing the chastity belt in order to remove the padding, and would hinder movement. Protecting the groin was a significant problem for armorers for that reason. The chastity belts on display are about as practical as the cliched plate armour bikini that crops up in fantasy art. In addition to that, they wouldn't have been much use for the stated purpose because medieval locks weren't very good or very small. It wouldn't take a great deal of skill or specialised tools to pick the lock.

There are lots of things in castles that are useful in attracting visitors (and their money) but which aren't historically accurate. Iron maidens are another example. It's also possible that they were put there by someone who thought they were historically accurate. There used to be chastity belts in museums (but not any more, unless it's a section on much more recent history).

There was a great deal of fuss about chastity...but no chastity belts. There was torture...but no iron maidens.

Quite a lot of what has become "common knowledge" about medieval Europe is bunk made up centuries later. Everyone was stinking and filthy unless they were rich, in which case they were merely quite dirty and a bit smelly. Everyone who wasn't rich wore dull brown clothes and everyone who was poor wore rags. Flaming torches were all over the place outdoors, often lit even during the day, and candles were all over the place indoors. Armour was so encumbering that someone wearing it couldn't get up from the ground if they were knocked over and needed a crane to hoist them onto a horse. Everyone always used a sword for fighting unless they were dirt poor (and probably going to be killed by someone with a sword) or an archer. All wrong.

 

[Richie]

This thread would be completely different if the ages were reversed i.e. boy was 14 seeing 16 year old girl....