OcUK Dadsnet thread

[ci_newman]

Heys guys,

Just wondering if you have any advice/ gone through the same thing?

I have literally not talked/seen to anyone outside of work since the baby was born (6months ago).

As soon as i get home from work im handed the baby and my missus buggers off to the gym. I haven been to the gym since the baby was born.

My missus on the other hand goes out with the girls to coffee shops and baby groups all the time.

It just seems like all i do is either work or look after the baby.

Is this normal at this age?

No it's not normal at all. You BOTH need some personal time. If you can't manage that naturally then you need to introduce a rota system so you both get the recovery time you need. Looking after a baby 24x7 is hard work, but so is doing a 9-5 job then looking after a baby in the evenings. There needs to be compromise on both sides.

Does she plan on returning to work?

 

[Liquid_Entity]

I work 8 - 4:30 so I never see my son in the mornings as he’s asleep when I leave. I get home at 5:30 so I then get an hour n a half to play with him, bath him and the put him to bed and read stories until 7pm when he sleeps. It was harder when he was much younger but once in a good routine it works fine. He’s 2.5yrs old now. So after 7pm we’re free to do what we want. I play football on Monday evenings and my partner is free to do whatever she wants in the evenings too but we usually do workouts from home as I go gym in my lunch breaks at work, perks of being a manager so get an extra 20mins otherwise it wouldn’t be worth it.

My partner works Friday and Saturday so I do miss out on any fun adult stuff on a Saturday but I love having a daddy day care too. If I want to have a Saturday for me then I arrange it in advance with babysitters. My partner has been out more times than me but I don’t mind tha. We talk about upcoming events and stuff and arrange it in good time.

Your best advice is to talk about it and discuss plans etc.

 

[robj20]

So the boy is now off the ventilator he went on CPAP for about a day then they felt confident he didn't need that either so he has been on Optiflow for the last couple of days, with a view to take him off that today hopefully he would just be in done oxygen then.

The neurological consultant is going to take his EVD out of his head today as well as long as they're happy as that's been clamped off for the last 48 hours.

A new issue seems to be he isn't keeping much of his milk down. Often throwing up during feeding or soon after. So that's the next problem to figure out.

 

[ci_newman]

So the boy is now off the ventilator he went on CPAP for about a day then they felt confident he didn't need that either so he has been on Optiflow for the last couple of days, with a view to take him off that today hopefully he would just be in done oxygen then.

The neurological consultant is going to take his EVD out of his head today as well as long as they're happy as that's been clamped off for the last 48 hours.

A new issue seems to be he isn't keeping much of his milk down. Often throwing up during feeding or soon after. So that's the next problem to figure out.

I'm glad to hear he's continuing to improve The milk issue is a very common one, especially if he's being bottle fed. The Docs will get you sorted with that issue soon too!

 

[robj20]

I'm glad to hear he's continuing to improve The milk issue is a very common one, especially if he's being bottle fed. The Docs will get you sorted with that issue soon too!

No he's tube fed still. He's started losing weight as well now.

 

[AHarvey]

Heys guys,

Just wondering if you have any advice/ gone through the same thing?

I have literally not talked/seen to anyone outside of work since the baby was born (6months ago).

As soon as i get home from work im handed the baby and my missus buggers off to the gym. I haven been to the gym since the baby was born.

My missus on the other hand goes out with the girls to coffee shops and baby groups all the time.

It just seems like all i do is either work or look after the baby.

Is this normal at this age?

It's certainly not fair. You work all day, come home, get straight onto dad duty and have no free time.

My wife has a better social life than myself, but then, it doesn't bother me as I'm not a social person, I don't crave it but we share responsibility equally with the kids. She does more housework than me as she works part-time.

My brother-in-law commutes 45-60 mins each way, works full time and as soon as he walks in after work he's cooking tea and looking after both kids while she does what she likes. That was before they had their second. She works 2 days a week at a checkout in a supermarket.

I certainly wouldn't accept that but he's a pushover and should have left her years ago. He nearly did 2 years ago but they made up because he was worried about visitation rights, they've since had their second... leverage in my eyes.

if it's not equal you need to raise it now. If you don't, resentment will set in and once that happens, say goodbye to the relationship and to your family life.

 

[haz_pro]

A new issue seems to be he isn't keeping much of his milk down. Often throwing up during feeding or soon after. So that's the next problem to figure out.

Hope this gets resolved ASAP. We struggled with a similar issue for around 6 months with my second child. It turned out she was allergic to milk protein, and had GERD. Hopefully a simple problem for you too.

Heys guys,

Just wondering if you have any advice/ gone through the same thing?

I have literally not talked/seen to anyone outside of work since the baby was born (6months ago).

As soon as i get home from work im handed the baby and my missus buggers off to the gym. I haven been to the gym since the baby was born.

My missus on the other hand goes out with the girls to coffee shops and baby groups all the time.

It just seems like all i do is either work or look after the baby.

Is this normal at this age?

No - not normal at all. I have a friend who is going through the same, and every time he brings it up I tell him the same thing - COMPROMISE.

Parenting, and relationships in general, are all about compromise. You BOTH need a chance to chill out, see friends, do hobbies etc. I urge you to put your food down ASAP - I'm amazed you've put up with it for 6 months quite frankly.

Stay at home parents in my experience seem to down play how hard working for 9+ hours a day is. Yes, I work in an office, no it isn't physically demanding but it is mentally demanding! Don't let your partner make it out like you're off all day having a "break" from parenting - it isn't a break!

Good luck.

 

[ci_newman]

As the others have said, you BOTH have full time jobs during the day. You should be sharing the evening load equally.

 

[Minibiker]

Currently in the delivery room waiting for our little girl to make an appearance... They broke my missus' waters around 11pm, she was 3cm at the time, its now a waiting game with a lot of back rubbing

 

[theone8181]

Just wanted anyone ides on the issue i have with my daughter. Since she turned 4 in jan she keeps coming into our bed early morning. We don't even realise she's there is just when either of us roll over and there's an extra body there. I've asked her numerous times why she doesn't like her bedroom (which we redecorated a few week ago to try and encourage her to stay in there) and she just says she doesn't know. I realise its a phase that she will grow out of, but is there anyway to speed the phase up?

Cheers

 

[mjt]

Just wanted anyone ides on the issue i have with my daughter. Since she turned 4 in jan she keeps coming into our bed early morning. We don't even realise she's there is just when either of us roll over and there's an extra body there. I've asked her numerous times why she doesn't like her bedroom (which we redecorated a few week ago to try and encourage her to stay in there) and she just says she doesn't know. I realise its a phase that she will grow out of, but is there anyway to speed the phase up?

Cheers

Because she loves you and wants to be with her parents?

My 3-year-old has started to do this again and whilst being kicked in the face isn't my favourite way of being woken up, I've given in as my OH is fine with it.

If he comes in too early or is rolling around we'll take him back.
It's not really the end of the world, is it?

 

[Kreeeee]

.

 

[Steedie]

Just wanted anyone ides on the issue i have with my daughter. Since she turned 4 in jan she keeps coming into our bed early morning. We don't even realise she's there is just when either of us roll over and there's an extra body there. I've asked her numerous times why she doesn't like her bedroom (which we redecorated a few week ago to try and encourage her to stay in there) and she just says she doesn't know. I realise its a phase that she will grow out of, but is there anyway to speed the phase up?

Cheers

I'd love my son to want to get in our bed in the mornings. Ever since he's had a proper sized bed at 2, he's loved his own bed too much to ever want to get in to ours. We even bring him up to it some time to try and lie down with us and have a lie in, but nope! He either wants to go straight back to his bed or wants to jump all over us until we get up

 

[ci_newman]

Just wanted anyone ides on the issue i have with my daughter. Since she turned 4 in jan she keeps coming into our bed early morning. We don't even realise she's there is just when either of us roll over and there's an extra body there. I've asked her numerous times why she doesn't like her bedroom (which we redecorated a few week ago to try and encourage her to stay in there) and she just says she doesn't know. I realise its a phase that she will grow out of, but is there anyway to speed the phase up?

Cheers

What do you define as early morning?

If it is before dawn, let her fall asleep and then move her back to her own bed.

 

[SMN]

I'd love my son to want to get in our bed in the mornings. Ever since he's had a proper sized bed at 2, he's loved his own bed too much to ever want to get in to ours. We even bring him up to it some time to try and lie down with us and have a lie in, but nope! He either wants to go straight back to his bed or wants to jump all over us until we get up

Mines like this. He loves his bed but as soon as hes awake at 7am he wants to go downstairs and play, so we dont get any cuddles with him in bed at all which we miss from when he was a baby. No amount of coercion, TV or snacks have helped

 

[Devrij]

Ugh, don't tell me that. Mine is in our bed most mornings around 5/6 and I'm hoping she'll grow out of it, not into it! We just chuck her back in her bed when she falls back asleep if it's really early.

On a positive note, she was 2 yesterday and had an absolute blast with little friends over and was being really good, encouraging the others to play with her fav toys and picking them up when they fell over. I told her it was my birthday today (it is) and she gave me a big smile and a hug and said "happy day daddy!" which was the best present I got.

 

[theone8181]

I would say she comes through about 2ish, however i may try returning her when she's asleep. If i try it when she's up she complains and i'm worried it will wake my 18 month old son who is more tricky to put back down so its a bit of a catch 22. I don't mind her in our bed but she does fidget a bit. Its my birthday on friday (yay 32) and shes looking forward to opening all my presents for me lol. Oh and sometimes shell want to go downstairs at 5 (alarm is set for 6) so that involves us telling her every 5 minutes to wait for the alarm to go off, its almost as if young kids have no patience.

 

[Devrij]

Early happy birthday to you! It's my 32nd today and I'm pretty sure I've gained an extra half inch of forehead for each year I've had my daughter. God knows how you guys managed with multiples

 

[GinG]

I would say she comes through about 2ish, however i may try returning her when she's asleep. If i try it when she's up she complains and i'm worried it will wake my 18 month old son who is more tricky to put back down so its a bit of a catch 22. I don't mind her in our bed but she does fidget a bit. Its my birthday on friday (yay 32) and shes looking forward to opening all my presents for me lol. Oh and sometimes shell want to go downstairs at 5 (alarm is set for 6) so that involves us telling her every 5 minutes to wait for the alarm to go off, its almost as if young kids have no patience.

I wouldn't worry about it...up until around 3 weeks ago by now 4 year old (2nd March) would wake up and shout me anywhere between 11pm - 3am and wouldn't settle unless being in our bed.

Our thoughts on this...it won't be long until we are hoping for them days again and to just enjoy it whilst they want you!!

It was my daughter who wanted to be a big girl and stay in her own bed so she can go on a sleep over to her cousins house...we set up the GroClock and she nows sleeps in her bed from bedtime (around 7pm - 6am), once the sun shows on her clock she can come and cuddle in or just time for wakeup!

The one thing I have learnt is just don't worry/rush things, they will do things at their own pace and by worrying or rushing them it only causes stress for you and your child.

 

[ci_newman]

I would say she comes through about 2ish, however i may try returning her when she's asleep. If i try it when she's up she complains and i'm worried it will wake my 18 month old son who is more tricky to put back down so its a bit of a catch 22. I don't mind her in our bed but she does fidget a bit. Its my birthday on friday (yay 32) and shes looking forward to opening all my presents for me lol. Oh and sometimes shell want to go downstairs at 5 (alarm is set for 6) so that involves us telling her every 5 minutes to wait for the alarm to go off, its almost as if young kids have no patience.

We had very good results with a GroClock. Like an alarm clock, but visual instead of audio for the kiddies.