Friend online I've known for 1+ year hates me because I spoke his first name

Malt_Vinegar said:
His response is perfectly relevant.
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Yeah, no. Wanting to understand why this guy melted over his name being using isn't even remotely close to the OP having an obsession with denying this guy his anonymity.

That's complete and utter arsetalkery and fabrications.

You should try reading what the OP actually types, instead of responding to what you think they've typed when you've read it cross-eyed and upside-down
 
spoffle said:
Yeah, no. Wanting to understand why this guy melted over his name being using isn't even remotely close to the OP having an obsession with denying this guy his anonymity.

That's complete and utter arsetalkery and fabrications.

You should try reading what the OP actually types, instead of responding to what you think they've typed when you've read it cross-eyed and upside-down
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If I tell you that you have a problem processing information and it's corrupting your thoughts would it matter.

Or are you happy to harangue me on the basis that you don't and can't make the connections.
 
Angilion said:
I'll throw in a different opinion that might shed light on the situation for you:

You badgered him into revealing personal information you knew he didn't want to reveal.
Eventually you defeated him and he gave you that information.
You then gave it to other people. Without his consent. Against his will as well, since you knew he didn't want that information revealed.

You'll probably be thinking that you're not in the wrong because the information isn't important. I can think of 3 problems with that counter-argument:

1) The information isn't the only issue. There's also, perhaps more importantly, the issue of consent. Or, more accurately, the lack of consent.

2) The information might not be important to you, but it obviously is to him and you know that. It's fine for a person to choose to reveal information about themself as they please. It's not fine to do it to someone else against their will. Making a choice for yourself is very different to making that choice for someone else, especially if you know that your choice is the opposite of theirs and you're imposing your choice on them.

3) If the information isn't important to you, why did you go to such lengths to obtain it? ("You have no idea how hard it was to get this information.") Either the information was important to you (which nullifies the whole "not important information" argument) or bending him to your will was important to you (which is much worse than revealing personal information).

If you still don't understand his position, try this thought experiment:

Think of some personal information about yourself that you would not want spread about. Something not directly harmful to you, but something you want to keep private or known only to a certain circle of people. It could be anything - an odd but harmless sexual preference, an unfashionable liking for 1950s musicals, whatever.

Imagine that someone badgered you into revealing that information to you.

Imagine that they then told other people.

Imagine that they didn't even understand what they'd done wrong because they genuinely didn't care about your choices for yourself and so saw it only in terms of their own choices - if they don't mind the information being spread, then they don't see anything wrong in the information being spread.



It's probably best to leave it alone and find other friends, but it would be polite to tell them that you won't ignore their lack of consent and give out that information to other people in the future. I'll assume you didn't do so in the OP for this thread and instead gave a fake name for them.
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J...Johan?
 
GF has a friend who really hates her name to the point that we'd met IRL with other mutual friends several times and she insisted on being called by an online handle. It was really weird.

One of our friends had to make a bank transfer to her so ended up with her name(which was a perfectly normal name) and mentioned it to everyone else like he'd won a grand prize. She went absolutely crazy.

So it is possible that Johan just really doesn't like his name.
 
spoffle said:
Yeah, no. Wanting to understand why this guy melted over his name being using isn't even remotely close to the OP having an obsession with denying this guy his anonymity.

That's complete and utter arsetalkery and fabrications.

You should try reading what the OP actually types, instead of responding to what you think they've typed when you've read it cross-eyed and upside-down
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Sometimes when people post oddly, I take a moment to look through their history. I looked through yours and it became a lot clearer, as you have a consistent background of behaving like this.

Please, let's keep this on topic.
 
Angilion said:
I'll throw in a different opinion that might shed light on the situation for you:

You badgered him into revealing personal information you knew he didn't want to reveal.
Eventually you defeated him and he gave you that information.
You then gave it to other people. Without his consent. Against his will as well, since you knew he didn't want that information revealed.

You'll probably be thinking that you're not in the wrong because the information isn't important. I can think of 3 problems with that counter-argument:

1) The information isn't the only issue. There's also, perhaps more importantly, the issue of consent. Or, more accurately, the lack of consent.

2) The information might not be important to you, but it obviously is to him and you know that. It's fine for a person to choose to reveal information about themself as they please. It's not fine to do it to someone else against their will. Making a choice for yourself is very different to making that choice for someone else, especially if you know that your choice is the opposite of theirs and you're imposing your choice on them.

3) If the information isn't important to you, why did you go to such lengths to obtain it? ("You have no idea how hard it was to get this information.") Either the information was important to you (which nullifies the whole "not important information" argument) or bending him to your will was important to you (which is much worse than revealing personal information).

If you still don't understand his position, try this thought experiment:

Think of some personal information about yourself that you would not want spread about. Something not directly harmful to you, but something you want to keep private or known only to a certain circle of people. It could be anything - an odd but harmless sexual preference, an unfashionable liking for 1950s musicals, whatever.

Imagine that someone badgered you into revealing that information to you.

Imagine that they then told other people.

Imagine that they didn't even understand what they'd done wrong because they genuinely didn't care about your choices for yourself and so saw it only in terms of their own choices - if they don't mind the information being spread, then they don't see anything wrong in the information being spread.



It's probably best to leave it alone and find other friends, but it would be polite to tell them that you won't ignore their lack of consent and give out that information to other people in the future. I'll assume you didn't do so in the OP for this thread and instead gave a fake name for them.
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^ This guy gets it

+1
 
Its an "online friend" and you already know he has issues re: his name.

I would't worry too much about it, maybe he'll be annoyed for a bit, maybe he's not worth your time. You're going to have to keep in mind that for people who don't exclusively socialise online then they probably don't view random people they've met playing games in the same way they view friends they met offline.

On the other hand, if he's also someone who only socialises online (which I guess is quite possible if you're spending every day playing computer games together) then he might well have some social issues/be on the spectrum/other mental health etc.. etc.. and perhaps has some big issue about anonymity, using his name etc..
 
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Angilion said:
I'll throw in a different opinion that might shed light on the situation for you:

You badgered him into revealing personal information you knew he didn't want to reveal.
Eventually you defeated him and he gave you that information.
You then gave it to other people. Without his consent. Against his will as well, since you knew he didn't want that information revealed.

You'll probably be thinking that you're not in the wrong because the information isn't important. I can think of 3 problems with that counter-argument:

1) The information isn't the only issue. There's also, perhaps more importantly, the issue of consent. Or, more accurately, the lack of consent.

2) The information might not be important to you, but it obviously is to him and you know that. It's fine for a person to choose to reveal information about themself as they please. It's not fine to do it to someone else against their will. Making a choice for yourself is very different to making that choice for someone else, especially if you know that your choice is the opposite of theirs and you're imposing your choice on them.

3) If the information isn't important to you, why did you go to such lengths to obtain it? ("You have no idea how hard it was to get this information.") Either the information was important to you (which nullifies the whole "not important information" argument) or bending him to your will was important to you (which is much worse than revealing personal information).

If you still don't understand his position, try this thought experiment:

Think of some personal information about yourself that you would not want spread about. Something not directly harmful to you, but something you want to keep private or known only to a certain circle of people. It could be anything - an odd but harmless sexual preference, an unfashionable liking for 1950s musicals, whatever.

Imagine that someone badgered you into revealing that information to you.

Imagine that they then told other people.

Imagine that they didn't even understand what they'd done wrong because they genuinely didn't care about your choices for yourself and so saw it only in terms of their own choices - if they don't mind the information being spread, then they don't see anything wrong in the information being spread.

It's probably best to leave it alone and find other friends, but it would be polite to tell them that you won't ignore their lack of consent and give out that information to other people in the future. I'll assume you didn't do so in the OP for this thread and instead gave a fake name for them.
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This to be honest. Some people prefer anonymity and weather you believe it or not, in his eyes you jeopardize it for him. It broke a trust he had in you.
 
It’s personal preference, some people are happy to give out their name, I know some
on here their gamertags are their names, however some people are more private. You would have to say if it was that hard to get his real name then he has some issue with giving it out. It doesn’t matter what it is or how valid you consider the reason. However slips up and accidents happen and you have to accept that occasionally they may be big enough for people to fal out with you.

I’ve never really had a problem with people knowing my real name. Though do tend to still go by my gamertag simple because at any given time there can be 3+ people in the party with the same name.
 
"Or I'll delete you" Sounds like something I'd expect from a kid in primary school.

I have a big discord with a mixture of real life friends and friends we've met on games. All on a first name basis.

Sometimes we argue and disagree but we deal with it like adults. Life's too short to put effort into people like that.
 
When I play multiplayer games with randoms I'd much rather them call me by my first name rather than my obscure username.

Drop him mate and find someone else to play with.
 
Malt_Vinegar said:
He might not like his IRL name. It could be as simple as that!
The adult thing to do (if you feel the need to know why he is being like that) would be to ask why it bothers him one to one and then just simply acknowledge his request. Then apologise, saying you did not know it was such a big thing for him.
Or just acknowledge his request, apologise and leave him to his name foibles and get back to how things were.
Clearly you would like to get back to normal, so just do what is required to get back there.
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this really, apologise and say you didn't realise it was so important.

You don't really know this guy or what his problems are - it sounds like he has strong personal feelings for why he wants people not to know his real name - you can either respect that and continue to be his friend, or not, your choice.
 
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