41 and no friends

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bigdunc

bigdunc

bigdunc

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How have I got to 41 years of age and got no friends? I have family that I hardly see but that doesn't bother me too much, I have people I know but no one that actually contacts me for days/ nights out. I find myself doing work of an evening just to pass the time and I'm basically fed up. I haven't been on holiday for 4 years due to illness and having no-one to go with. I just feel stuck in a rut!
 
Go to your local college and look for some night courses to get stuck into - they are relatively cheap and your find a lot of people your age there, especially if its a skills based one like woodworking.

You don't need to go on holiday with anyone, I think the value of getting out of your normal cycle is much more beneficial than doing it with someone.

Also instead of work, why not go to the gym?
 
Take up a hobby which involves socializing / interacting with others regularly?

Poker?
Remote controlled things?
Cars?
Amateur sports?
Bike riding?
Cooking courses?

Hell I think there are even groups set up just for people like yourselves who want to meet others and make some friends.
 
Stop working on evenings, take up a social hobby and in regard to travelling why not take some extended time off when you can and travel a bit on your own, you’ll benefit far more from it than going with someone else who keeps you in somewhat of a comfort zone.
 
Find the subreddit for your town/city.

You will almost certainly be able to post in it and find people who also want to just meet up and chill with new friends.

Failing that, hobby/sport/club etc as mentioned above.

I actually made some of my closest friends from people at work. So if you get on well with certain people at work, then try engaging with them more often, but not in a weird breathing on their hair kid of way.

Obviously!
 
I think the first thing to consider is why you're dissatisfied. Is it because your life doesn't suit you or because your life doesn't suit what other people tell you should suit you?

Take me, for example. I'm in a very similar situation to you, although I'm a bit older and I haven't been on holiday for almost 40 years. Other than that, pretty much the same. In the past it bothered me to some extent, but I realised that was because of what other people wanted, not because of what I wanted. I don't conform to what they want for themselves. I realised that's not my problem. If they don't understand, that's their problem. My only regret is that my donor registration will probably be useless because I will probably die on my own and therefore none of the potentially reusable parts will be reusable. Transplants are only possible when someone dies on life support in hospital - the parts have to be functioning to be reused. Mine will probably be downright rotten before anyone notices I'm dead because it will probably be the smell of my rotting corpse that tips people off to my death. A shame for whoever has to clean up afterwards.

Anyway...

If it's genuinely the case that you're dissatified with your lifestyle, you have to change something about it. A good approach would be a hobby. Find something you find interesting. If there's nothing you find interesting, it might be worth seeking medical advice about depression because everyone should find something interesting. It doesn't matter what it is, what matters is that it interests you. Painting, pottery, ancient Greek poetry, carpentry, rock climbing, Klingon, whatever. Not as a means of making friends, but as a thing in itself. You may well also make friends with people you meet with the same interest, but that's not the point. The thing itself must interest you because your life is about you, not about other people.

I haven't been on holiday for 4 years due to illness and having no-one to go with.
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Unless your illness is one that means you require a carer, having no-one to go with is irrelevant. You're an adult. You can go on holiday without a parent or guardian.
 
the meetup.com comment is perhaps useful, find something to do in your spare time, you tend to make friends through shared experiences i.e. school, university, work, hobbies

I guess you've lost touch with school/uni friends and aren't sociable at work?

You could always try to get back in contact with school or uni friends via Facebook. Did they all have kids etc..? You can still find ways to keep meeting up with friends who have kids and don't go out on a Friday/Saturday anymore, you've just got to adjust the things you organise - still possible to go to gigs every so often if planned in advance (I certainly still do with my mates, babysitters just need arranging) or you sort out more family friends activities - some of my school friends are quite happy to go to say local festivals in the summer - spending the afternoon/early evening there with the kids. Or just going for walks + pub lunch in the countryside etc..

Why not try reaching out to any lost connections, see how they're getting on and mention meeting up - perhaps organising a catch up of old school friends around Christmas.

Likewise with new friends, granted it isn't the same as a new school, or freshers week, or the induction period of some grad scheme etc.. but you can still make friends though hobbies/interested - find something to do a couple of evenings a week, or perhaps find a bunch of different things to try over several evenings initially and then drop/keep those activities based on both how much you enjoy that thing and the friendliness of the local group/class related to it.

most places in the UK should have some local amateur drama group, a judo club, yoga classes, a boxing gym, people looking to form bands, some sort of walking group etc..etc.. all sorts of diverse things you could get into. And for other things you can probably find a relevant group online organising regular meet ups.
 
Being one of life's boring and uninteresting people you should accept your place in the pecking order,
and knuckle down, accepting meekly that you will remain alone for your remaining time on this earth.

Buy a cat ?
 
Find a local mma gym and pick one of the disciplines. Keep going don't give up. The rest is natural, you'll make friends and look better naked.
 
Jesus this got a bit dark in the middle. There's rotten corpses and all sorts.

Imma go ahead an suggest you're not too old to make friends, take it slow and work it out.

I can't help with corpses.
 
How did you get into this position? Did you not have friends in your early 20's? Have you never made friends at work or in any other area of your life? School friends?
 
I agree it's all about getting out of the house and doing something you find interesting, friendship opportunities will come along if you're upbeat and out there getting involved in something.
 
Angilion said:
Take me, for example. I'm in a very similar situation to you, although I'm a bit older and I haven't been on holiday for almost 40 years. Other than that, pretty much the same. In the past it bothered me to some extent, but I realised that was because of what other people wanted, not because of what I wanted. I don't conform to what they want for themselves. I realised that's not my problem. If they don't understand, that's their problem. My only regret is that my donor registration will probably be useless because I will probably die on my own and therefore none of the potentially reusable parts will be reusable. Transplants are only possible when someone dies on life support in hospital - the parts have to be functioning to be reused. Mine will probably be downright rotten before anyone notices I'm dead because it will probably be the smell of my rotting corpse that tips people off to my death. A shame for whoever has to clean up afterwards.

Anyway...
Click to expand...

That has to be one of the funniest paragraphs I've read on here in a long time! Proper dark humour!

As for the op as has already been mentioned get a hobby, night classes or personally I'd go on meetup.com or something similar.
 
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