41 and no friends

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where you based OP? if your up Glasgow way give me a shout and pop round for a coffee a natter and if your that way inclined a spot of gaming
 
chaparral said:
Am 48 and I have quiet a lot of friends but I hardly ever see them these days because there all married and have kids...:(
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actually they're,

Funny, I don't have any friends either, I wonder why.



I hate just about everyone by default, I'm a miserable tight fisted so and so, oh and I hate most people.

I don't do small talk at all,

I've got loads of solitary hobbies, I just want to be left alone,

I don't understand why I have no social life or friends.
 
I am 65 and have no real friends but that is mainly because I have never liked people very much. Did not bother me until my partner of 35 years died and then you realised how empty life becomes. It is all very well people here suggesting go and socialise but what if you have always found this difficult?
 
Don't have a huge amount of friends. Don't socialise much as funds are lacking. I do however go on short breaks on my own to attend airshows, visit museums and places of interest etc. Not a great socialiser but have met people while away and spent a few hours with them had a few drinks.
Nowt to stop you OP. Find a hobby and go and enjoy it.
 
Friends are overrated, I try and keep it to a minimum, I have 3 really good friends, which I have known since school for over 20 years, we are all spread out over the country and might see each other once a year, but we just pick up where we left, it's great.

But lots of "friends" I've had just end up needed attention, I think they just want to be friends with you because they are needy etc, I can't stand them. I have made some "friends" over the years which have ended up almost being male stalkers and I've ended up going out of my way to avoid them.

I am married with kids and they take up enough of my time.
 
49 here. I do have enough friends but not many close ones. I used to find socialising really difficult. If the OP is a drinker then I often find the easiest way to break into a social circle is to just casually ask at work whether anyone fancies a beer that evening. After a couple of times you start getting invites back again and widening your social circle both inside and outside. I do this frequently when changing jobs (I appreciate Op isn't changing jobs but it would still work).

If the OP isn't a drinker then do something similar with coffee breaks, or a hobby outside of work.
 
I'm 60 and got no friends and I haven't had any since I was a young man.
If I go out a lot of people talk to me but none are what I'd call friends and when I was 60 earlier this year I had over 500 LIKES on the facebooks thing but again none are friends.
If a friend is somebody you can ring at any time to come and help you or go out for a drink then personally I think friends are a rarity, most people have always taken from me.
 
Angilion said:
I think the first thing to consider is why you're dissatisfied. Is it because your life doesn't suit you or because your life doesn't suit what other people tell you should suit you?

Take me, for example. I'm in a very similar situation to you, although I'm a bit older and I haven't been on holiday for almost 40 years. Other than that, pretty much the same. In the past it bothered me to some extent, but I realised that was because of what other people wanted, not because of what I wanted. I don't conform to what they want for themselves. I realised that's not my problem. If they don't understand, that's their problem. My only regret is that my donor registration will probably be useless because I will probably die on my own and therefore none of the potentially reusable parts will be reusable. Transplants are only possible when someone dies on life support in hospital - the parts have to be functioning to be reused. Mine will probably be downright rotten before anyone notices I'm dead because it will probably be the smell of my rotting corpse that tips people off to my death. A shame for whoever has to clean up afterwards.
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This is ******* brilliant.
 
you are at the age where everyone that would be your friend has kids and families and no time for friends
i tried hard to stay friends with people and they were just not bothered. if i didn't contact them they would never get in touch
i think to have friends at this age it needs to be through a common interest like in a club or something
the one thing i've learnt is you need to make the effort. people will not come to you
 
Sad to read some of these posts but I know the problem exists for many people due to many different reasons. Some are not good in open spaces, some don't have the ability to communicate easily in groups or even face to face, some can't be arsed with all that and some don't know where to begin to find friends, people like them. Mostly, however, in my experience, it's related to depression and I sense depressive tendencies in some of the posts here. Depression is a challenge, it creates negativity first and stops social interaction, at best certainly makes it very hard. My non-medical advice is to seek help to get your head more positive. Then find some social stuff that is going on near you and go and be part of it and break the routine.

I have been lucky. I still see the friends I grew up with from my teens (I am 51) and I make sure I got out with them 2 or 3 times a year and we chat on a WhatsApp group to keep contact as I don't do FaceBook etc. Fact is making and keeping friends takes time and effort. You sometimes have to corral them into going out because you know what, when you do you have a great time.
 
Housey said:
Sad to read some of these posts but I know the problem exists for many people due to many different reasons. Some are not good in open spaces, some don't have the ability to communicate easily in groups or even face to face, some can't be arsed with all that and some don't know where to begin to find friends, people like them. Mostly, however, in my experience, it's related to depression and I sense depressive tendencies in some of the posts here. Depression is a challenge, it creates negativity first and stops social interaction, at best certainly makes it very hard. My non-medical advice is to seek help to get your head more positive. Then find some social stuff that is going on near you and go and be part of it and break the routine.

I have been lucky. I still see the friends I grew up with from my teens (I am 51) and I make sure I got out with them 2 or 3 times a year and we chat on a WhatsApp group to keep contact as I don't do FaceBook etc. Fact is making and keeping friends takes time and effort. You sometimes have to corral them into going out because you know what, when you do you have a great time.
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Great Advice :)
 
I may know lots of people from school, previous jobs, folk who have moved away and lost touch etc, but I only see a couple of friends on a regular basis. I certainly never been one who goes on a "lads night out" with 20 or so "friends" nor would that interest me.
 
You can see why depression is so high in men, men die earlier than women, male suicide rates are high :(

Seeing some people who say "I cant stand people/i dont like to socialize" then say they dont have friends and wonder why?!?!?! What's the point in having a life then? Put on this earth just to grow old and die alone. What a horrible thought.

You need to go out and make an effort. Life doesn't reward those who sit there and do nothing.
 
iamtheoneneo said:
Go to your local college and look for some night courses to get stuck into - they are relatively cheap and your find a lot of people your age there, especially if its a skills based one like woodworking.

You don't need to go on holiday with anyone, I think the value of getting out of your normal cycle is much more beneficial than doing it with someone.

Also instead of work, why not go to the gym?
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This actually great advice.

I found that working and socialising in London for so many years, that actually didn't know anyone local to mix with. At first, it didn't bother me but as time went on and things change, I realised that that it was something i needed. Realising this, I decided to do something about it.

About 7 years ago, I went to my local adult college to learn Photography, meeting new and local and socialising with people with similar interests. I couldn't wait for college nights.. It was so different to mix with people I would have never would have otherwise met. I completed 3 years of college and was gutted when it ended.. but I remained close friends with those on the course since. One of the guys I met lived round the next corner.. I have since gone on to help run my local photography club, mixing with people from different ages and backgrounds but with the same interests. Having a local social life has changed me and my life recognisably.

As for the gym suggestion... i'm not so sure.. I've been going to the gym since I was 20. I find them quite anti-social places today. People have their own agenda and are too plugged into their music and phones to notice anything under their noses. It's like I said in another thread..It's "social avoidance".

Bottom line is.. Don't wait for the world to come to you..It won't. Instead, go find something and somewhere to meet people with a common interest and let things happen naturally. There's no quick fix or .com solution for this.

Angilion said:
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Great post .. worth a read.
 
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