Ex wife kicking off - child maintenace.

Nodiggidy123

Nodiggidy123

Nodiggidy123

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Yesterday I got my final payslip of the financial year through and have been able to work out my gross pay including the occasional bonuses throughout the year.

i've never missed a payment and always paid in accordance with the CMS based on the website.

I used to have my 5 year old son every other weekend but in the last 6 months I now also have him on a Wednesday (pick up and drop to school Thursday). I also have him in the holidays. I provide all his clothes and anything else he needs whilst in my custody

this increased contact has now put me in a different bracket for what I need to pay

I will also be moving in with my girlfriend in April and she has a daughter who is also a dependent.

As my circumstances will be changing and I also have more access to my son the amount I need to pay for cms has reduced from 200 to 160 per month.

My ex has hit the roof saying that she's going to take me court over it. again to court for his surname change( you may remember a old thread I made of this) threatened withholding contact and generally made it all about the money. she also threatened to come to my work as I wont have any communication aside from in writing. I warned her i'd call the police.

I had a message from her this morning (whilst I was at work) that I need to go buy my son his school uniform and shoes because I am reducing my payments. it was a non school uniform day today so he's in his home stuff.

Whilst it is not issue. I do believe this is what I pay my child maintenance for and it is another way of her trying to control me.

Do I buckle and get him uniform or stick to my guns and take him back to school in clothes her came in today?

None of this is fair on my son as i don't want to embarrass him but equally its not fair on me either. just looking for some advice.
 
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Has the reduced maintenance payments been done officially? If so then legally you don't need to pay any more. However if you're only paying £160 month then school uniform isn't every few months isn't going to break the bank and at least it's clothing on your boys back.

The situation I found unfair was a friend who earned the same as his ex wife. He paid a hefty maintenance for his 2 kids despite her leaving him for a bloke who earned 6 figures and him having 40/60 custody
 
VincentHanna said:
Your son should not be penalised by your wife's behaviour or your ongoing dispute with her.
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Yes but handing over money every time she demands it may not be the correct answer. Given her attitude I would be reticent to do anything and everything she orders.

Check with the school to ensure he does require a new uniform, also, and I doubt you do this given her attitude, always buy the clothes/shoes etc and never hand over the money.
 
It's a difficult one as you want what's best for your son but if the money works out to be less due to you having him more often then that, to me, doesn't mean you pay more towards other things as in theory that reduction is going towards the extra days when you have him, if that makes sense.

But! Can you not arrange with her to go 50/50 on things like this and split the cost between you? That way it seems fair to both.

If you're well off and can afford it then go pay for it yourself and keep the brownie points too. But I would want to work out a deal on 50/50 for things like this.
 
The system sucks but you might as well just buy his uniform instead of potentially going to court over something so trivial. If it's all just a power trip from her then you'll soon find out with more frequent requests, then I'd start looking at legal processes, although you'll probably still be the one who loses out.
 
Lady at works partner has gone through all this the money you pay covers her needs when she is sent to you she should arrive with her bags packed for the time i..e clothes and shoes that includes uniform etc, she did all sorts complained to the CSA and due to him having to always pick his daughter up and drop her back off miles away they reduced the payments!
 
I'll say the same thing I say to anyone else who has gone through what I have (bad breakup, custody claims etc). Keep a record of everything, communicate only in writing, get legal advice.
 
Go and buy the uniform yourself with him. Don’t hand her any money.

I pay mantainence and still get my daughter the things she needs and I see her and have her quite often.
 
Don't waste your money on legal advice, just do your own research.

If you want, but the school uniform and take it out of the months money.

If you pay your dues she can't do anything. Obviously she can be awkward but she can do that whether you pay or not.
If she doesn't give you access you take her to court which doesn't cost much and involves a few simple forms.

I'm sure you know all this.
 
singularity said:
Don't waste your money on legal advice
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This. It isn't a divorce - don't waste time and money on legalities.

If you're just communicating in writing, send her a calm and clear explanation of the calculation showing that the payment reduces with the changed circumstances. If she disagrees then you can discuss what it should be. The guidance really is very simple, especially if your income is relatively simple. She won't go to court over it, and if she does she'll get short shrift if it gets anywhere. If a uniform is needed then I'd suggest you buy it. Ask your son if he needs one (in the right way) and, if you must, ask the school but bear in mind that they don't want to be stuck in the middle of these petty squabbles either.

I would not take the uniform money out of the month's money though. That money isn't supposed to be the sole source of support for him - she'll contribute too in some way and it would be excessive to deduct the whole amount. Like it or not, you're going to need a relationship with your ex for years and years to come.
 
£160 per month? Christ, I’d rip someone’s arm off to pay that. I pay £400 :(

The CMS is meant to cover everything for the child. Don’t bow to pressure for uniform and shoes etc.
 
If she would genuinely struggle with a £40 per month reduction, then you're probably just better off giving it to her because your son will in one way or another feel the effect of it. If, however, she would struggle because she has a smoking habit, Sky TV and a £70 per month phone contract then I wouldn't budge.
 
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