Do you ever feel your kids rule you?

phrases

phrases

phrases

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11 Jul 2011
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755
Our daughter is almost 9 and it feels like mine and the wifes life is owned by her.

What i mean by that is day to day running of things is hellish and the older shes gotten the worse its become. I work stupidly long hours i just about make bedtime which is supposed to be 8.30pm yet the kid is still awake watching youtube at 10.30pm.

She watches too damn much youtube so much so its on in the living room, the bedroom anywhere shes flipping between its on. We try to take her on trips to the park to wear her down and suggest board games and crafts but during the week its pretty hard as we both work full time and my shifts can often mean i am not home often enough to deal with family life.

I've done things such as block internet access that works for awhile then i have to remove it during the holidays and forget to enable it again as work drains my soul.

All we get is answering back (sometimes comical where she makes a valid point!) But it feels like when its time to unwind she is constantly still on one. Up and down the stairs refusing to go to bed for numerous reasons usually revolving around needing a drink or dragging the poor mut up the stairs into her room.

It feels like sometimes me and the mrs aren't on the same page when it comes to disipline and in some cases i can be a soft touch due to being a kid and having a strict upbringing i didn't want to go too harsh on her.

But i just feel lately we have little time to do anything for ourselves. 8.5/10 times we adore her because she is an only child and has moments where she is a good kid and listens and now and then helps by not making the house look like a bomb went off.

Just ranting i guess. But someone tell me it gets better before the dredded tweens happen and she walks around as if the world is about to end.
 
No. But then my wife and I are consistent with discipline so it is basically 2 vs 1. She also knows that no means no and so knows not to bother arguing.

Her YouTube habits are completely in your control, you are just choosing not to deal with it as it is easier not to.
 
Take away her electronic devices and make her read books instead of wasting her time watching Logan Paul make fun of suicides and PewDiePie amplify anti-semitic rhetoric.
 
RDM said:
No. But then my wife and I are consistent with discipline so it is basically 2 vs 1. She also knows that no means no and so knows not to bother arguing.

Her YouTube habits are completely in your control, you are just choosing not to deal with it as it is easier not to.
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Yes this is somewhat true. We get dragged into 10-20min discussions on why she shouldn't be doing what she is doing. Before you know its midnight and shes fast asleep. Rinse and repeat the next night.
 
The only way out of this is to be a great big wall of impenetrable love, do what you need to do in stopping YouTube but tell her why you are doing it and that you want family life to be happier. Be honest but be definitive and completely strict that the rules are the rules because you want a happy house.

Be prepared for a bomb to go off at first, your child is addicted and cold turkey will be a shock to her system. You have to stay loving and encouraging, tell her she has a choice, life can be fun if she wants to engage or it can hard if she chooses YouTube over family. She needs to know you will be unshakeable whichever way she wants to go.

Good luck
 
Work is hard, but then so is raising a family well. If you make it home by 8 - 8.30 and she's trying to stay up two hours later, how about making the extra effort and doing things together in those couple of hours, rather than letting her access YouTube in countless different ways. Even wean her off it by doing your dinner together and then watching something on YouTube together - one for her, one for you - before stopping and then washing and cleaning up together and talking about what you just watched etc. Parenting 101.
 
We sometimes have hissy fits about clothing too. Things are too tight she will have to yank and pull at them to stretch them before she will wear them. Often refusing to change the next day. We spoke to a doctor about this and she has a sensory issue something she hopefully grows out of but i am not so sure about it.

Her behaviour just changed during the last year when she moved up into a new year at school. Just feels like slowly we have slipped and need to start reeling it in. Currently my wife is sleeping in her room as it was a 20min debate about her staying in our bed which she wouldn't move out of until my wife got into her bed. Testing times.
 
The_Abyss said:
Work is hard, but then so is raising a family well. If you make it home by 8 - 8.30 and she's trying to stay up two hours later, how about making the extra effort and doing things together in those couple of hours, rather than letting her access YouTube in countless different ways. Even wean her off it by doing your dinner together and then watching something on YouTube together - one for her, one for you - before stopping and then washing and cleaning up together and talking about what you just watched etc. Parenting 101.
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Parenting 101? feeding a 9 year old kid at gone 9 p.m.??
 
The_Abyss said:
Work is hard, but then so is raising a family well. If you make it home by 8 - 8.30 and she's trying to stay up two hours later, how about making the extra effort and doing things together in those couple of hours, rather than letting her access YouTube in countless different ways. Even wean her off it by doing your dinner together and then watching something on YouTube together - one for her, one for you - before stopping and then washing and cleaning up together and talking about what you just watched etc. Parenting 101.
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Yeah i agree we don't do this often enough. The only real time we get any real family time is meal times. But of course followed by a discussion about turning youtube off until dinner is over. Followed by tantrums and hiding the remote for the tv. Guess i just want to know if anybody else has these family crisis moments and how they deal with them in under 5mins :D
 
MookJong said:
The only way out of this is to be a great big wall of impenetrable love, do what you need to do in stopping YouTube but tell her why you are doing it and that you want family life to be happier. Be honest but be definitive and completely strict that the rules are the rules because you want a happy house.

Be prepared for a bomb to go off at first, your child is addicted and cold turkey will be a shock to her system. You have to stay loving and encouraging, tell her she has a choice, life can be fun if she wants to engage or it can hard if she chooses YouTube over family. She needs to know you will be unshakeable whichever way she wants to go.

Good luck
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That is a great post one i'll show the wife to coax her to be on board more. Thanks.
 
bloodiedathame said:
You need to set some boundaries. She goes against them, she can't have what she wants.
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100% agree with you trouble is those boundaries fall by the way side when i am not around so the kid gets mixed messages. She often heads up to her room to using makeup tutorials on youtube and we are both guilty of not engaging with her enough at times due to be wiped out. Kid is growing up fast. I often wonder where it blipped by so quickly from her toddler years when she was much more managable.
 
phrases said:
100% agree with you trouble is those boundaries fall by the way side when i am not around so the kid gets mixed messages. She often heads up to her room to using makeup tutorials on youtube and we are both guilty of not engaging with her enough at times due to be wiped out. Kid is growing up fast. I often wonder where it blipped by so quickly from her toddler years when she was much more managable.
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It can't happen unless you talk it through and come up with a strategy with your partner. Sit them down and talk it through.
 
Roar87 said:
Just take her tablet off of her and put her to bed, after a few nights of crying she'll learn.
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Done many a time. She doesn't get upset just starts a slanging match from the stairs to living room. We don't give in but it usually takes upto an hour of stomping around trying to wind us up before she quits and nods off.
 
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