Xmas cracker joke thread

Merlin5 · 25 Dec 2019 at 14:17

I'm sitting around the dinner table with family pulling crackers and reading the enclosed jokes. Post your most awful cracker jokes here to groan at.

What does a clock do when it's hungry?
Goes back 4 seconds

What do you get if you cross a skeleton with a detective?
Sherlock Bones

What dog can't bark?
A hotdog

With what do you cut through giant waves?
A sea-saw

What lies at the bottom of the sea and shivers?
A nervous wreck

What did one eye say to the other?
Between you and me something smells

What kind of doctor is Dr Pepper?
A fizzician

Flibster · 25 Dec 2019 at 14:32

What did the snowgirl do when the snowboy annoyed her?

Gave him the cold shoulder.

Merlin5 · 25 Dec 2019 at 14:40

Flibster said:
What did the snowgirl do when the snowboy annoyed her?

Gave him the cold shoulder.

That's terrible! Good job

beachBOYken · 25 Dec 2019 at 15:33

What's an ig ?

A snow house without a loo

Angilion · 25 Dec 2019 at 15:50

What's brown and sticky?

A stick.

What's orange and sounds like a parrot?

A carrot.

Derek W · 25 Dec 2019 at 15:52

From today's cracker -

What do you get when you eat Christmas Decorations?

Tinsilitis

Brizzles · 25 Dec 2019 at 16:24

What do you call a deep and crisp and even pizza cooked by good King Wencelas ?

Participant · 25 Dec 2019 at 17:23

What happened when Jesus went to Mount Olive?

Popeye beat him up.

Yadda · 25 Dec 2019 at 18:14

SPG · 25 Dec 2019 at 18:16

What did Cinderella say when her photos didn't arrive on time ?

One day my prints will come!

Merlin5 · 25 Dec 2019 at 19:48

Angilion said:
What's orange and sounds like a parrot?

A carrot.

SPG said:
What did Cinderella say when her photos didn't arrive on time ?

One day my prints will come!

I like these

Flibster · 25 Dec 2019 at 20:21

What did Rudolph want for Christmas?

A pony sleigh station console.

ic1male · 26 Dec 2019 at 11:21

Who never gets hungry at Christmas?

The turkey because it's always stuffed.

Usher · 26 Dec 2019 at 11:31

From an adults only cracker:

why don't Gypsies use condoms?
they have crystal balls and can see themselves coming

secretspy · 26 Dec 2019 at 12:16

(My mum didn't get this one lol)

What's E.T short for?

Cos he's got little legs

MOOGLEYS · 26 Dec 2019 at 12:19

This was in a cracker my 10 year old Daughter had -

What’s the difference between a snow man and a snow woman ?

Snow Balls...

She thought it was brilliant.....

Efour · 26 Dec 2019 at 14:14

Flibster said:
What did the snowgirl do when the snowboy annoyed her?

Gave him the cold shoulder.

You had the same crackers as us.

Were the hats scrunched up instead of folded?

Flaevius · 26 Dec 2019 at 14:15

Superbly random one:

What do you call a group of chess champions bragging in a hotel lobby?

Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.

secretspy · 26 Dec 2019 at 15:13

Flaevius said:
Superbly random one:

What do you call a group of chess champions bragging in a hotel lobby?

Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.

Favourite one so far

Flibster · 26 Dec 2019 at 16:09

Efour said:
You had the same crackers as us.

Were the hats scrunched up instead of folded?

Hats were folded. Just not glued.....