How many DINKs here?

Diddums said:
See this is my dilemma. I do genuinely worry if I'm going to regret it later in life, but then I also look at the state of humanity and the planet and wonder if I do actually want to bring kids in to this world. The answer is a resounding no, but my primal instincts are telling me to keep porking as the clock is ticking.

Dunno, it's a tough call and one that I could live to regret, but I justify it with copious amounts of touring, holidays, fancy toys and partying instead.
Click to expand...

Oh come on thats nonsense. The world has never been a paradise so don’t use that excuse.
 
Single currently, no kids and didn't ever want them (in part for economical/societal reasons), but my last partner had 3 and it was fun to be around them a lot of the time, started to think maybe I'd change my mind but tbh still don't think I'd cope well with the baby phase.
 
I’ve always said I don’t want kids. I don’t like kids, they annoy me, I don’t think they are cute, I like having my own time and my own money.
My friends are having kids, and I have no interest in playing with them or interacting with them. I don’t like babies, I don’t want to deal with crying, being sick and poo. However, I’m beginning to think I’d quite like to raise a child. That is, I think it’d be awesome once they were ten or something. Take them on adventures, share life together, that sort of thing and then watch as they hopefully become a decent adult. However, I definitely don’t want to adopt.

She doesn’t want kids at all. I suspect I’ll regret not having them in ten years time.

So, I guess I’m a DINK that will regret it. A DRINK perhaps?
 
Last edited:
Bassmansam said:
Oh come on thats nonsense. The world has never been a paradise so don’t use that excuse.
Click to expand...
What needs excusing? It's a valid concern - Kids these days have such terrors to face, that no previous generation could even imagine...
They'll be on puberty blockers by the time they're 10, fully trans-non-binary-fluid by 12, cancelled by the Woke Left on social media by age 13, attacked by American-Pit-Bully-Terrier-type dogs before they're 16, unable to afford the cost of living, sat renting a dingy hovel with nothing but a corner sofa and a Gucci belt to their name, and likely at the mercy of whatever the New Laboural-Democrat government dreams up in advance of the economy collapsing.... and Star Citizen still won't have been released!!!

Haggisman said:
Thanks for the insight Captain Obvious - that goes for everything! :p
Click to expand...
And thus not missing out on anything.
It sounds like you and several other posters are really trying to sell us on having kids, as if it's totally ******* unacceptable to not want them...
 
I would like a family, but also a time machine to go with it so that I could give them a similar childhood to what I had.

You could be the best parent in the world but I see too many negative forces exerting control over kids now, not to mention divorce statistics.

The thing to remember is when you're regretting not doing something, it's a fantasy you are regretting. The actual scenario can be very different.
 
Couples should not be forced to have children by others - friends, family etc. Or if they have just one child, not be forced into having another.

It’s a sad state of affairs when you hear people having a child months after their friends have them. See this at work, customers walking around in groups of 3 with one child each and the others are a few months younger.
 
mattx4 said:
The way I see it I'm doing my bit to prevent this

Click to expand...
I waited 142 posts for someone to point this out!

We are a SINK couple for now, in that my partner has her own business but it's been on hold for a few years due to a combination of Covid, mental health, living situation and now buying/moving house.

She's fairly anti-kids and I'm fairly pro (but always go with life's flow so wouldn't force having kids), and recently her brother had his first kid and I think we both went further to our extremes. I'm 35 now and TBH have less and less interest in life, I'd very much like to be moving into a phase of dedicating my time and energy to being a good dad. I've got a few more years to see if I can learn to enjoy the idea of having more cash and time for myself, but mostly seeing how it pans out with the partner. Hopefully I don't end up old and regretful.
 
Last edited:
Ahleckz said:
I’ve always said I don’t want kids. I don’t like kids, they annoy me, I don’t think they are cute, I like having my own time and my own money.
My friends are having kids, and I have no interest in playing with them or interacting with them. I don’t like babies, I don’t want to deal with crying, being sick and poo. However, I’m beginning to think I’d quite like to raise a child. That is, I think it’d be awesome once they were ten or something. Take them on adventures, share life together, that sort of thing and then watch as they hopefully become a decent adult. However, I definitely don’t want to adopt.

She doesn’t want kids at all. I suspect I’ll regret not having them in ten years time.

So, I guess I’m a DINK that will regret it. A DRINK perhaps?
Click to expand...

DINK leads to a DRINK spiral? :p

But yes, you’re alluding to what I find attractive. You do sort of have to think long game. Worst case… it’s an experience *shrug* probably one of the most significant ones you can have.

A few people have drunkenly spouted to me that kids are crap and they regret it. But I sense that’s just a part of them speaking. In the sort of way someone might say “I hate my wife!!!” but once that’s expressed it’s really “I really need and love my wife!!!”

People are complicated and conflicting feelings lead to a suspicion that the ‘repressed feeling’ is the absolute truth, when it’s more likely just a small part of the whole.

I also think I’m a person that’s prone to indulgent and unhelpful thoughts. Life is generally too ****ing easy and if you get into that space, it’s potentially easy to lose purpose. Maybe children is a good way to keep the mind on the straight and narrow?

As you can probably tell, I don’t really have a clue what I’m doing in life :D but I figure I can’t be the only one… and maybe there’s merit in accepting that ‘agonising over the optimum path’ stifles opportunity and experiencing the unknown. Maybe :p
 
Last edited:
I don't think anyone has a clue but some raise kids at the same time not having a clue their either and sometimes luck is on your side.
 
LuckyBenski said:
I waited 142 posts for someone to point this out!

We are a SINK couple for now, in that my partner has her own business but it's been on hold for a few years due to a combination of Covid, mental health, living situation and now buying/moving house.

She's fairly anti-kids and I'm fairly pro (but always go with life's flow so wouldn't force having kids), and recently her brother had his first kid and I think we both went further to our extremes. I'm 35 now and TBH have less and less interest in life, I'd very much like to be moving into a phase of dedicating my time and energy to being a good dad. I've got a few more years to see if I can learn to enjoy the idea of having more cash and time for myself, but mostly seeing how it pans out with the partner. Hopefully I don't end up old and regretful.
Click to expand...

Couldn't handle this.
If I was aware my partner wanted kids I don't think I could do it for exactly how you ended your post. This would be the same if I wanted kids and my partner didn't.

My gf knows and I believe she would tell me if she changed her mind. It would allow us to break up and still persue what we wanted.

The fear of regret and bitterness creeping in is very real possibility. Don't sleep walk into it.
 
413x said:
Couldn't handle this.
If I was aware my partner wanted kids I don't think I could do it for exactly how you ended your post. This would be the same if I wanted kids and my partner didn't.

My gf knows and I believe she would tell me if she changed her mind. It would allow us to break up and still persue what we wanted.

The fear of regret and bitterness creeping in is very real possibility. Don't sleep walk into it.
Click to expand...
The thing is, I'm not set on kids, and I very much have the doubts and concerns my partner does - would we be bad parents, would our own mental health cope, would we end up regretting it, etc. She's also concerned about passing on genetic mental health stuff and I can understand that.

But as you say - don't want to sleep walk into being too late and wishing I'd done it. I like to think I'll step up and become a better person if/when the time comes to have kids, but who can bank on that? Who's ever "ready"?

Someone earlier said "I don't envy those on the fence" - No, it's not too fun. I need to draw a line in the sand in the next few years and get busy enjoying myself, or get busy enjoying a family.
 
Last edited:
LuckyBenski said:
The thing is, I'm not set on kids, and I very much have the doubts and concerns my partner does - would we be bad parents, would our own mental health cope, would we end up regretting it, etc. She's also concerned about passing on genetic mental health stuff and I can understand that.

But as you say - don't want to sleep walk into being too late and wishing I'd done it. I like to think I'll step up and become a better person if/when the time comes to have kids, but who can bank on that? Who's ever "ready"?

Someone earlier said "I don't envy those on the fence" - No, it's not too fun. I need to draw a line in the sand in the next few years and get busy enjoying myself, or get busy enjoying a family.
Click to expand...

That was me about being on the fence.

I don't know if it's a blessing or a curse as a guy. Technically the biological clock is a lot longer. But not having that dead line could easily mean just leaving it and leaving it.

I suppose the only plus in your position is, if you're partner does get to 40 and still doesn't want them. You'll know its unlikely to happen, but you still can. However would have to be with someone else.


Its hard not being able to try before committing. And yeah, I don't envy your on the fence position.
 
413x said:
Couldn't handle this.
If I was aware my partner wanted kids I don't think I could do it for exactly how you ended your post. This would be the same if I wanted kids and my partner didn't.

My gf knows and I believe she would tell me if she changed her mind. It would allow us to break up and still persue what we wanted.

The fear of regret and bitterness creeping in is very real possibility. Don't sleep walk into it.
Click to expand...

Generally I agree that if there is a real ‘conflict of wants’ it’s worth thinking about the end game, but life necessitates ‘a **** tonne of missing out’ and that applies whether you have kids or not. You could play your cards 100% correct and still end up regretful of ‘what ifs’ if you indulge in those sort of thought patterns.

The only way to 100% avoid the chance of regret if to indulge in pizza, porn and drugs until the death. Keep the easy immediate needs stimulated until the very end!

@LuckyBenski you have a really good phrase there that applies to all of us: “get busy”. Wise words.
 
Last edited:
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top Bottom