So I spoke about BPD/EUPD, another little gem for us is the hidden Narcissist,
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Unlike the typical "grandiose" narcissist who is loud, arrogant, and attention-seeking, the covert narcissist is much more subtle. They often come across as shy, sensitive, or even self-deprecating — but underneath, they still crave admiration, manipulate others emotionally, and lack true empathy.
Covert narcissists don’t fit the typical stereotype. Unlike their more obvious, grandiose counterparts — who are loud, arrogant, and desperate for the spotlight — covert narcissists are much more subtle. They often present as shy, sensitive, or even self-critical. But beneath that exterior, they still crave attention, manipulate emotions, and show very little genuine empathy.
Here are some common patterns to watch out for:
Always the Victim
They often cast themselves as the wronged party, even when they’re clearly in the wrong. This tactic wins sympathy and helps them dodge accountability.
False Modesty
They might come across as humble or self-effacing, but it’s often an act. The goal is to fish for compliments or praise without appearing to ask for it outright. “Oh, I didn’t do much,” they’ll say, hoping you’ll disagree and flatter them.
Backhanded Compliments
Their compliments often carry a sting — like “You’re so brave to wear something like that!” It’s a way to undermine others while pretending to be nice.
Emotional Games
They’re experts at using guilt, sulking, or passive-aggressive behaviour to manipulate those around them. The silent treatment is a classic weapon.
Gaslighting
They twist the truth, deny things they’ve said or done, and leave you doubting your own memory. Over time, this can really mess with your head.
Undermining in the Shadows
Instead of open confrontation, covert narcissists often operate behind the scenes — gossiping, excluding, or subtly sabotaging others while keeping their hands clean.
Playing the Martyr
They’ll go out of their way to “help” or sacrifice for you — only to bring it up later as emotional blackmail. “After everything I’ve done for you...” is a phrase you’ll hear more than once.
Chameleon Behaviour
They often mirror your personality, interests, or emotions to gain your trust. But once you’re no longer useful to them, their mask drops, and you might barely recognise the person they become.
Fragile but Vengeful
They might seem delicate or easily hurt, but underneath lies simmering resentment. Criticise them, and they’ll often retaliate — subtly, but with intent.
Triangulation
They love to involve third parties in conflicts, creating tension or jealousy between people to maintain control and feel superior.
The damage they cause can be just as harmful, if not more so, because it’s harder to recognise — and easier to doubt your own instincts when dealing with them. They are often a master of gaslighting and are probably worse than normal narcissist as its often hard to spot them from the outside.
If you are in a relationship with someone with any sort of PD, learn about the issues and how to cope. There are lots of youtube videos around
More info here
Edit by AI to make it easier to read.
Unlike the typical "grandiose" narcissist who is loud, arrogant, and attention-seeking, the covert narcissist is much more subtle. They often come across as shy, sensitive, or even self-deprecating — but underneath, they still crave admiration, manipulate others emotionally, and lack true empathy.
Covert narcissists don’t fit the typical stereotype. Unlike their more obvious, grandiose counterparts — who are loud, arrogant, and desperate for the spotlight — covert narcissists are much more subtle. They often present as shy, sensitive, or even self-critical. But beneath that exterior, they still crave attention, manipulate emotions, and show very little genuine empathy.
Here are some common patterns to watch out for:
Always the Victim
They often cast themselves as the wronged party, even when they’re clearly in the wrong. This tactic wins sympathy and helps them dodge accountability.
False Modesty
They might come across as humble or self-effacing, but it’s often an act. The goal is to fish for compliments or praise without appearing to ask for it outright. “Oh, I didn’t do much,” they’ll say, hoping you’ll disagree and flatter them.
Backhanded Compliments
Their compliments often carry a sting — like “You’re so brave to wear something like that!” It’s a way to undermine others while pretending to be nice.
Emotional Games
They’re experts at using guilt, sulking, or passive-aggressive behaviour to manipulate those around them. The silent treatment is a classic weapon.
Gaslighting
They twist the truth, deny things they’ve said or done, and leave you doubting your own memory. Over time, this can really mess with your head.
Undermining in the Shadows
Instead of open confrontation, covert narcissists often operate behind the scenes — gossiping, excluding, or subtly sabotaging others while keeping their hands clean.
Playing the Martyr
They’ll go out of their way to “help” or sacrifice for you — only to bring it up later as emotional blackmail. “After everything I’ve done for you...” is a phrase you’ll hear more than once.
Chameleon Behaviour
They often mirror your personality, interests, or emotions to gain your trust. But once you’re no longer useful to them, their mask drops, and you might barely recognise the person they become.
Fragile but Vengeful
They might seem delicate or easily hurt, but underneath lies simmering resentment. Criticise them, and they’ll often retaliate — subtly, but with intent.
Triangulation
They love to involve third parties in conflicts, creating tension or jealousy between people to maintain control and feel superior.
The damage they cause can be just as harmful, if not more so, because it’s harder to recognise — and easier to doubt your own instincts when dealing with them. They are often a master of gaslighting and are probably worse than normal narcissist as its often hard to spot them from the outside.
If you are in a relationship with someone with any sort of PD, learn about the issues and how to cope. There are lots of youtube videos around
More info here
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