Looking for advice...

I get why you might pay, because it's about opting out of the stress and drawing a line under it. Can't give in to this type of behaviour though, I could get over the short term stress of making a stand but not caving to this guys nonsense.
 
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Shep_Cobain said:
After I made it clear that I was at work, would not be paying, and would not be discussing this any further, I received the following message:

“I will just come to yours. I’m not going to let this rest until it’s sorted.”

At that point, I replied:

“I’m at work until Wednesday and can’t answer calls.
I’ve already made my position clear — I won’t be paying and I’m not discussing this, or the reasons why, any further.
Do not come to my house.
I’m not spending any more time or energy on this.”

The response to that was:

“It’s gone way past the money. Trust me.”
“Trust me, it isn’t done.”
“Can’t say what you have. See you Wednesday.”

I then replied once more, solely because of the implication of turning up at my home:

“If you come to my house when I am spending time with my family, I will be ringing the police. This is the last time I will message or reply.”

Following that, I received the following messages in quick succession:

“Ring them.”
“Fine by me.”
“What are you going to say? You’ve done me over for £100 and won’t answer the phone?”
“Could have been sorted weeks ago, but you’ve left it.”

“You’re not just a friend — you’re the godfather to my son. Clearly none of this means anything, or you would have sorted this before any of this mess.”

Later that same day, I then received this longer message:

“Not the way I thought my year would end for us. I can tell from how you’ve been that this is nothing to you, but to me I’m hurt. I’ve thought about it a lot and it’s upset me when I think about the whole thing and how you’ve been for so long — forgetting a birthday, the list of things I’ve done and not done, the damage to the vehicle that you forgot about. I think maybe this is what you wanted to happen. No other reason for it.

Friends simply don’t treat friends this way. You have the ability to just turn it off and that’s fine. I’m gutted I’ve lost my best mate. You played a big part in our lives for years, main man at my wedding, but more importantly I’m heartbroken for my child. I’ll get accused of blackmailing if I mention my child, but I know how much he adores you. He and the girls ask to see you, FaceTime you again — you never come to see him, never nip in when you’re on the estate, never FaceTime to see him, and that makes me cry. Not for me, but for him. You don’t care about any of this, but I want you to know we do.

Have a good Christmas.”
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This is quite frankly shocking behaviour from a friend. In much of this he needs to eat his own words "Friends simply don't treat friends this way". He's so wrapped up in his narcissistic views that he can't even see how this would look from your side, or even a third party. Then to basically use his children as weapons to say that he's heartbroken for them - there's nothing stopping them from seeing you without their dad present.

Not to have a dig, but I don't think you've handled the situation very well at all. I get the not wanting confrontation with a friend, but burying your head in the sand and hoping it just goes away has probably riled up the guy further. It should have been made clearer that there was no offer of payment for services at the beginning, and that his behaviour isn't something that a friend would do to another friend.
 
Shep_Cobain said:
After I made it clear that I was at work, would not be paying, and would not be discussing this any further, I received the following message:

“I will just come to yours. I’m not going to let this rest until it’s sorted.”

At that point, I replied:

“I’m at work until Wednesday and can’t answer calls.
I’ve already made my position clear — I won’t be paying and I’m not discussing this, or the reasons why, any further.
Do not come to my house.
I’m not spending any more time or energy on this.”

The response to that was:

“It’s gone way past the money. Trust me.”
“Trust me, it isn’t done.”
“Can’t say what you have. See you Wednesday.”

I then replied once more, solely because of the implication of turning up at my home:

“If you come to my house when I am spending time with my family, I will be ringing the police. This is the last time I will message or reply.”

Following that, I received the following messages in quick succession:

“Ring them.”
“Fine by me.”
“What are you going to say? You’ve done me over for £100 and won’t answer the phone?”
“Could have been sorted weeks ago, but you’ve left it.”

“You’re not just a friend — you’re the godfather to my son. Clearly none of this means anything, or you would have sorted this before any of this mess.”

Later that same day, I then received this longer message:

“Not the way I thought my year would end for us. I can tell from how you’ve been that this is nothing to you, but to me I’m hurt. I’ve thought about it a lot and it’s upset me when I think about the whole thing and how you’ve been for so long — forgetting a birthday, the list of things I’ve done and not done, the damage to the vehicle that you forgot about. I think maybe this is what you wanted to happen. No other reason for it.

Friends simply don’t treat friends this way. You have the ability to just turn it off and that’s fine. I’m gutted I’ve lost my best mate. You played a big part in our lives for years, main man at my wedding, but more importantly I’m heartbroken for my child. I’ll get accused of blackmailing if I mention my child, but I know how much he adores you. He and the girls ask to see you, FaceTime you again — you never come to see him, never nip in when you’re on the estate, never FaceTime to see him, and that makes me cry. Not for me, but for him. You don’t care about any of this, but I want you to know we do.

Have a good Christmas.”
Click to expand...
Should've blocked his number a week ago. You are letting him continue to send emotional sob story's to you to manipulate you.
Block him immediately. And stop replying soo nicely. You're like a fish he's caught and he's slowly reeling you in. Cut the line.
 
Nutty667 said:
Should've blocked his number a week ago. You are letting him continue to send emotional sob story's to you to manipulate you.
Block him immediately. And stop replying soo nicely. You're like a fish he's caught and he's slowly reeling you in. Cut the line.
Click to expand...

Yes, time to move on. If the OP has presented an accurate version of events, he can be grateful this has happened now and given him an out from a toxic relationship that would have only brought more problems in the future.
 
That's good to hear OP. A bit of space for you to decompress after him breathing down your neck and you'll be fine.

His last messages were pretty sad, he moved from threatening behaviour to trying to get sympathy.
 
His behaviour is very immature. You’re better off without friends like him. I mean, if it were 10k then it’s a bit different. He’s jealous of you there’s no other reason, £120 is an excuse.
 
Chris344 said:
His behaviour is very immature. You’re better off without friends like him. I mean, if it were 10k then it’s a bit different. He’s jealous of you there’s no other reason, £120 is an excuse.
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It probably is £10K by now if you hear the story from his mate.

The amount of money is no longer the issue anyway. Yes it appears to have started out with a "misunderstanding" about payment, which could have been resolved. But instead of accepting this, it seems his mate has ramped things up to the point where it's clear that he has issues and is no real friend at all.
 
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HoneyBadger said:
So what’s the morale of the story?

Don’t have friends ;)
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I'm am quite wary now. I'm also not desperate to make friends, never have been if I'm honest.

I'm lucky I got 3 very good mates, they'd never ask but I'd give them money, let alone lend it if they ever need it, but they would never ask.

We grew up together in London and went through quite a erm, interesting times as teenagers.

We've all moved away from London now (just like basically anyone I've known who grew up there) and we don't catch up as often as we should buy when we do it's like it was yesterday.

I've also had the opposite with some guys who I've been friends with and ended up right ******* weirdos, I'm vary wary of anyone who seems "to keen"
, maybe I'm cynical sure, but I've managed to avoid any now for maybe 10 years.
 
BUDFORCE said:
I'm am quite wary now. I'm also not desperate to make friends, never have been if I'm honest.

I'm lucky I got 3 very good mates, they'd never ask but I'd give them money, let alone lend it if they ever need it, but they would never ask.

We grew up together in London and went through quite a erm, interesting times as teenagers.

We've all moved away from London now (just like basically anyone I've known who grew up there) and we don't catch up as often as we should buy when we do it's like it was yesterday.

I've also had the opposite with some guys who I've been friends with and ended up right ******* weirdos, I'm vary wary of anyone who seems "to keen"
, maybe I'm cynical sure, but I've managed to avoid any now for maybe 10 years.
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Some people seem really keen to make friends.

One time I was heading off on holiday with a longstanding mate. In the airport bar this guy got chatting to us who was heading to the same destination. Evidently he was travelling on his own and was clearly keen to make friends and seemed to be one of those people who just throw themselves at you. It turned out we were staying in a different area and we declined his offer of arranging to meet up. Part way through the holiday we bumped into him again and he was with a group of people that he proudly introduced as his new buddies, who I believe were staying at the same accommodation as him. He acted like they were the best people in the world and he was having the time of his life with them.

Next time we saw him was at the airport for the flight home. He was in a bad way, depressed and all bandaged up, which he said was due to a moped accident. He was also ranting about his new mates, who had apparently ripped ripped him off and as well as taking his money had even stolen the food from his apartment, leaving him with nothing to eat on his final day. I have no idea whether he learned anything from the experience.
 
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