Stopped from seeing or speaking to my son on his 9th birthday, today.

[kindai]

Is there some sort of legal action you can bring against the people involved who are stopping you seeing your children, surely it has to amount to some sort of abuse or neglect to be forcibly keeping them away from their father, in a situation when all parties can see it is damaging to the children involved.

 

[Vidar]

Thanks for the concern guys, I really appreciate it.

So there's an update, I'm due to attend a safeguarding conference tomorrow morning. The school district nurse phoned me earlier to give me an update prior to attending the conference.

As she put it, it would be difficult for me to hear so wanted to give me a heads up. My son has now told her that he hates me, that his half sister is going to grow up to be a horrible teenager and go to jail because she has a dad like me.

There was more of course in regards to school and that they don't understand him etc, the main point being that he is a extremely unhappy child. My other daughter talks much along the same vain now in regards to me and their baby sister and me being a bad dad. This is all vastly different of course to what I've been hearing previously, only a few days ago I had a message from social services saying that the kids were happy that I'd asked him to tell them I love and miss them and they loved and missed me too.

This however ripped my guts out, things seem to be ramping up ahead of tomorrow. I've heard the term parental alienation syndrome before and I'm now utterly terrified this is what's happening.

Without legal aid, which I'm waiting to hear about, I have absolutely no hope!

 

[kindai]

God its sickening, and you know its being fueled by your ex.

As difficult as it will be, I guess you just need to remain calm, level headed and put together the argument that this forced separation from your kids is completely the reason for the behavior, after all how can it be caused by you when you have no contact with them.

Your kids need you in their life so they can have some stability from a loving father figure.

I hope it goes well for you tomorrow.

If you have evidence and can show a dramatic decline in the well being of your childrens mental state, maybe something like a emergency protection order could be applied for, to get them put into your care immediately? IANL but there has to be something in place that can help...

 

[dirtychinchilla]

Good luck

 

[Delvis]

Thanks for the concern guys, I really appreciate it.

So there's an update, I'm due to attend a safeguarding conference tomorrow morning. The school district nurse phoned me earlier to give me an update prior to attending the conference.

As she put it, it would be difficult for me to hear so wanted to give me a heads up. My son has now told her that he hates me, that his half sister is going to grow up to be a horrible teenager and go to jail because she has a dad like me.

There was more of course in regards to school and that they don't understand him etc, the main point being that he is a extremely unhappy child. My other daughter talks much along the same vain now in regards to me and their baby sister and me being a bad dad. This is all vastly different of course to what I've been hearing previously, only a few days ago I had a message from social services saying that the kids were happy that I'd asked him to tell them I love and miss them and they loved and missed me too.

This however ripped my guts out, things seem to be ramping up ahead of tomorrow. I've heard the term parental alienation syndrome before and I'm now utterly terrified this is what's happening.

Without legal aid, which I'm waiting to hear about, I have absolutely no hope!

If I was you I'd get this in writing, there's clearly a pattern and the kids mother is poisoning their brain. As said,you've had no contact with them?

A logical person will see what's going on here and hopefully the people you see are the good ones

 

[Hellsmk2]

If I was you I'd get this in writing, there's clearly a pattern and the kids mother is poisoning their brain. As said,you've had no contact with them?

A logical person will see what's going on here and hopefully the people you see are the good ones

Logic doesn't apply to social services or the courts unfortunately.

 

[NiCkNaMe]

Just a thought, why not keep a diary for the kids, not directly relating to what's going on, but how you are missing them, thinking about them, etc.

That way if this does drag out, and drags on to when they're getting older, you'll have something to give them to try and dispel some of the myths the ex has been peddling?

 

[Delvis]

Logic doesn't apply to social services or the courts unfortunately.

Oh I know that, that's why it's infuriating

 

[RaohNS]

Saw this and logged on straight away.

You MUST do everything you can to have this confirmed in a letter from the individual. What a ******* *****.

I'm sorry to say that you are now almost certainly irreversibly down a Court route for protection of your son. This information is very serious and distressing. He is having his mind warped. PAS is a documented thing regardless of if courts and SW think otherwise.

Also with this SW at the meeting I would consider recording the meeting if she is not prepared to write an official letter BEFORE you attend (as she will likely lie and say she will do it, speak to Mum and magically it was never said)

 

[Ayahuasca]

Do the above, or I fear your children have a horrible future ahead of them.

 

[Vidar]

Sorry guys for not coming back sooner and updating you all on the meeting etc. I'm getting it from all angles at the moment with new problems at work, I'm in dire need of a new job but don't know where to start, to add to everything else.

One plus however, the police have been in touch and it's No Further Action.

The safeguarding conference was extremely distressing! My lad is an absolute mess, so much so they're suggesting that this is causing him to develop additional needs and these will now impact on his ability to form and maintain interpersonal relationships in the future... Yeah well no ****! My Daughter has now come out and accused the boyfriend of smacking her, there is also evidence of emotional abuse from him now, making the kids feel guilty for missing me, telling them they're betraying mummy etc. The problem, they still no absolutely nothing about this guy, only his first name.

I have written evidence now of what the kids have said to the district nurse, which is worlds apart from what the kids told social services only a few days earlier. The difference is the ex was informed by the social worker about the accusations my daughter has now made about the boyfriend. A few days after they saw the nurse, something very telling in that report though is the statement from my little girl "Mummy says to say she's not telling us what to say".

Social services have given the ex 4 weeks to provide details of the boyfriend and if not they will be going to see their legal team.

Interestingly the ex contacted me via text the following day, asking me to meet her on the Saturday, I'd spoken to social services who advised he'd gone to see her after the conference as she'd failed to attend. He'd suggested trying to set up a meeting to which she'd initially agreed, but then advised she would contact me directly and without social services being present. Me and the social worker agreed any meeting would benefit from an independent witness being present. I replied saying I'd be happy to meet only with the social worker being present and have so far had no reply. So much for that.

Hopefully hear very soon from my solicitor as to legal aid.

As for the suggestion about doing a diary for my kids or something I'm going to look into maybe a private account on youtube and do some video diaries for them or something.

 

[.Lethal]

As for the suggestion about doing a diary for my kids or something I'm going to look into maybe a private account on youtube and do some video diaries for them or something.

Great idea.

Goodluck with all the drama

 

[horseunderwater]

such a heartbreaking story just keep trying the truth will out

 

[AHarvey]

The safeguarding conference was extremely distressing! My lad is an absolute mess, so much so they're suggesting that this is causing him to develop additional needs and these will now impact on his ability to form and maintain interpersonal relationships in the future... Yeah well no ****! My Daughter has now come out and accused the boyfriend of smacking her, there is also evidence of emotional abuse from him now, making the kids feel guilty for missing me, telling them they're betraying mummy etc. The problem, they still no absolutely nothing about this guy, only his first name.

I have written evidence now of what the kids have said to the district nurse, which is worlds apart from what the kids told social services only a few days earlier. The difference is the ex was informed by the social worker about the accusations my daughter has now made about the boyfriend. A few days after they saw the nurse, something very telling in that report though is the statement from my little girl "Mummy says to say she's not telling us what to say".

Social services have given the ex 4 weeks to provide details of the boyfriend and if not they will be going to see their legal team.

Interestingly the ex contacted me via text the following day, asking me to meet her on the Saturday, I'd spoken to social services who advised he'd gone to see her after the conference as she'd failed to attend. He'd suggested trying to set up a meeting to which she'd initially agreed, but then advised she would contact me directly and without social services being present. Me and the social worker agreed any meeting would benefit from an independent witness being present. I replied saying I'd be happy to meet only with the social worker being present and have so far had no reply. So much for that.

The Truth Will Out! Kids can't lie very well, things that your daughter is saying proves that manipulation is involved, something we all knew. Social services and the courts have seen this time and time again.

You could always arrange a meeting in a public place, like a cafe, and have an unknown social worker sitting within earshot, or a 3rd party recording it.

If there is accusations of smacking can you not put in for some instant custody request for the protection of the child?

 

[John40]

Women who use their kids as weapons which the majority do once they've split up with the father are some of the most despicable scum to infest the earth, they don't deserve oxygen.

 

[stockhausen]

Logic doesn't apply to social services or the courts unfortunately.

That is not only a remarkably uninformed and foolish observation in terms of the courts but a vile comment about Social Services.

The courts apply logic based on an interpretation of the law and the information before them; they should never be swayed by emotion or to use "common sense"; suggesting anything else makes the law quite meaningless.

Anyone who has a problem with Social Services can always give up their well paid, stress free job, train to be a poorly paid, regularly insulted and frequently threatened Social Worker and improve the service. Until they do so, they would be better advised to hold their tongue (and I am chosoing my words VERY carefully there).

Social Workers are despised by selfish people and a Government that doesn't see them, like Doctors, as being "Wealth Creators" and as a result has no time for or interest in them.


Back on topic, I sympathise with the OP and hope that things work out for his children who are innocently caught up in a maelstrom of illogic and emotion.

 

[AHarvey]

Anyone who has a problem with Social Services can always give up their well paid, stress free job, train to be a poorly paid, regularly insulted and frequently threatened Social Worker and improve the service. Until they do so, they would be better advised to hold their tongue (and I am chosoing my words VERY carefully there).

Social Workers are despised by selfish people and a Government that doesn't see them, like Doctors, as being "Wealth Creators" and as a result has no time for or interest in them.

I've several friends working in social services, think I'd rather join the army than do what they do. The horrors you hear and the workload, i've never seen a career with that much work involved. It's a special breed of people that can do that role.

 

[John40]

Logic doesn't apply to social services or the courts unfortunately.

Spot on, family courts continually spout the line that it's the children's interests that come first, of course what they really mean is the children's and mother's.
Anybody who has been down the long and often fruitless route of trying to obtain even the most basic access will know that most of the time the woman's lies and accusations hold infinitely more sway than anything the man can say.

My son has been in a similar situation to the op and can testify that it's ALWAYS, ALWAYS the woman who holds all the cards and seems to have total control of the whole process.
She has continually broken the court access arrangements order countless times and every time my son has been to court for enforcement proceedings nothing has happened except meaningless words because she runs rings around the court with lies.
Anyone who thinks that breaking a contact order can result in any sort of penalty is deluded as unpaid work, contempt proceedings etc are very very rare
The truth is if a contact order is in place and the woman breaks it she knows that the chances of being punished is virtually nil.
A contact order made by a court is hardly worth the paper it's written on.

 

[samurl]

Just a thought, why not keep a diary for the kids, not directly relating to what's going on, but how you are missing them, thinking about them, etc.

That way if this does drag out, and drags on to when they're getting older, you'll have something to give them to try and dispel some of the myths the ex has been peddling?

This is excellent advice.

I would personally ask for the videos to be shown to the kids now so they have the opportunity to see them. Just make sure you keep it about them and don't at any point say something like 'It's such a shame I'm not allowed to see you' and let the emotional flood gate open because that won't be seen as anything other than manipulation and won't go down well.

I really do wish you well my friend. Such a shame this kinda thing happens, and is allowed to continue to happen!

 

[Vidar]

Again, thank you guys. I'm honestly finding having somewhere to vent when I need to really helpful at the moment as I'm trying to keep it together around my fiancee and the baby. Oh we talk about stuff and I'm completely open and honest about everything with her but I don't want her worrying about me all the time.

So I've heard from the social worker today, she's apparently been back in touch and he has a room booked for us to meet next Tuesday at 1pm. This is worrying me to no end now though, the ex is a very good manipulator of people and I'm worried that she's now going to worm her way out of everything somehow. If she allows contact now though it will obviously be beneficial to the children as long as its handled properly, but for me it changes nothing about what I want to pursue. The fact is sooner or later she will come up with something else and stop me from seeing the kids again, no I want those two living with me now so I can make sure they're getting all the love and support they need to thrive.