Stopped from seeing or speaking to my son on his 9th birthday, today.

[Hellsmk2]

That is not only a remarkably uninformed and foolish observation in terms of the courts but a vile comment about Social Services.

The courts apply logic based on an interpretation of the law and the information before them; they should never be swayed by emotion or to use "common sense"; suggesting anything else makes the law quite meaningless.

Anyone who has a problem with Social Services can always give up their well paid, stress free job, train to be a poorly paid, regularly insulted and frequently threatened Social Worker and improve the service. Until they do so, they would be better advised to hold their tongue (and I am chosoing my words VERY carefully there).

Social Workers are despised by selfish people and a Government that doesn't see them, like Doctors, as being "Wealth Creators" and as a result has no time for or interest in them.


Back on topic, I sympathise with the OP and hope that things work out for his children who are innocently caught up in a maelstrom of illogic and emotion.

Having been through the courts myself, I'd say I'm in a good position to make a fairly valid judgement. The entire experience taught me that an honest approach gets you nothing but mental anguish, hospital visits, and financial hardship. What I did learn is that outright lies are absolutely taken into account as truths, even when cold hard evidence is presented. Logic was most certainly 100% missing

In our case a judgement on another case was made the day before we were due in court. The solicitor told us in no uncertain terms that that judgement would now change the outcome of our case regardless of the strength of the evidence. The reason was very simple - no county court judges would risk their career to rule against the new ruling. We were told it would now take several years before a suitable test case would go through and undo the previous judgment (this has since happened). That was that, the solicitor was right - we were a stroke, a heart attack and around £110,000 down. This is common throughout our courts. Logical? I think not. (This was a probate issue rather than custody).

It's not logical to start from a position that the best place for a child is always with the mother, but that's exactly what we have which is absolutely undeniable. Fathers should not be seen as outsiders. Having to fight to "visit" your children is absurd and completely marginalises a fathers role.

Regarding social services, possibly a bit harsh I agree.

 

[Vidar]

Hello again guys,

Thought I'd give you all a little bit of an update as to what's been going on the past few weeks.

Well good news first, on Wednesday I finally got to see my kids for an hour; supervised by the social worker but it was great. I had my doubts she would turn up with them as agreed and while she was a good 20 minutes late I still got my time.

It was also without a doubt the hardest thing I've ever experienced in my life. The kids and I had a great time together but when it was time to go they became very upset, inconsolable and didn't want to leave. I had to go back into the centre and cried the hardest I ever have. I then made a fast exit out of the area as didn't want any chance of bumping into them again with or without social workers being present as it would have been too much for them that day.

Another plus is that both kids have now said outright to the social worker that they want to live with me! The Social worker has also told me he has absolutely no concerns in me seeing the kids unsupervised and recommends that contact go back to the court order as that's in the best interests of the kids.

So now the craziness from the ex is back in full swing, I may get a little confused with this but try and bare with me as this is how its happened.

I spoke to the social worker on Thursday morning who advised that she has agreed to let me see the kids but that my fiancee and baby can't be there and that it is only for 2hrs, because she doesn't want to jump in at the deep end. He wasn't happy about this and neither was I.

The ex then messaged me saying that if I wanted to see the kids again I would have meet with her face to face alone, I advised I would be happy to meet but under the circumstances only if the meeting would be mediated. She refused.

The ex messaged again this time saying I could see the kids for 1hr after school on Friday and for 2hrs on Saturday but that she would be present for the duration of both visits. That she has residency of the kids and that she's the only one who gets a say not social services or the courts. I told her while I'd be happy to slowly build contact back up to the order, that would be fine but I would not put my kids in such a tense situation. She has refused.

She's now come out and said still the kids are afraid of me but social services wouldn't tell me that, that they're not always going to be there to hold my hand so I need to be a man and grow up. That the social worker has told the kids that I would be seeing them on Saturday and now they're going to be very disappointed and that she would be supervising contact herself at HER HOME, but we'd be in separate rooms. Oh and then the usual rubbish about me apparently bullying and manipulating her etc.

It beggars beyond belief really.

 

[RaohNS]

Sounds exactly like my ex. Exactly.

At least you have seen them. You going court is taking her control and she wont like it. The woman is a psychopath. Pity she doesn't care about the kids.

Keep all messages and hopefully she will hang herself (figuratively just in case thought police are in operation).

Do not accept her offer, take it from experience she has a huge scope of accusing you of things eg assault and then will have a false claim filed against you and you will have a knock on door at 4am from the Police (taking time off from monitoring mean tweets).

Stick to your guns and don't give ground on anything unless its witnessed by a Court.

 

[kindai]

Another plus is that both kids have now said outright to the social worker that they want to live with me! The Social worker has also told me he has absolutely no concerns in me seeing the kids unsupervised and recommends that contact go back to the court order as that's in the best interests of the kids.

Im so happy it seems to be coming for you.

Your ex realizes her world and manipulations are falling down around her, these latest craziness things are desperate attempts to claw it back.

Keep going mate, full custody, with the kids stating they want to live with you, you'll get there.

 

[Schizo]

I really feel for you guys who have trouble seeing there children i really do.

I broke up with my ex about 6 years ago,its been great during that time and she has been good,we even go on holiday together and for days out,i even booked a holiday to spain without asking her and she was fine about it,we both realise what is best for our child and act like adults and good parents i see my daughter every week and she stays with me for 2 days,if my ex was as bad as some i have heard of on here i dont know what i would do to be honest.

 

[Vidar]

It's great to hear that sometimes separated parenting can work with out any drama, I'm deeply envious mate.

 

[FluffySheep]

Vidar,

I'm happily married and have a great 5 year old son so I can't even begin to imagine the **** you have faced, but every time this thread is updated I'm back for a read. I can't give any advice at all as I have no experience, but as someone who lives on the other side of the Wirral from you I just sent a man hug your way fella

FluffySheep

 

[robgmun]

The ex then messaged me saying that if I wanted to see the kids again I would have meet with her face to face alone, I advised I would be happy to meet but under the circumstances only if the meeting would be mediated. She refused.

I'm going to tell you something you probably already know, she's trying to see you alone because she can then run to the courts/SW and say you hit/threatened her and build something against you.

 

[John40]

I'm going to tell you something you probably already know, she's trying to see you alone because she can then run to the courts/SW and say you hit/threatened her and build something against you.

That's right it's a well known tactic he needs to try and see her somewhere with cameras if possible and make sure they're working.

 

[Diddums]

That's proper rough mate, I can't offer any advice sadly other than to keep fighting. Your ex sounds like a proper nutter, good luck with this. Such a shame your kids have to go through this, especially at such a young age

 

[tom_nieto]

Hello again guys,

The ex then messaged me saying that if I wanted to see the kids again I would have meet with her face to face alone, I advised I would be happy to meet but under the circumstances only if the meeting would be mediated. She refused.

Sorry that you're still having all this trouble. I'm glad that you seem to be on the right track and have at least been able to see your children.

You are very sensible to only meet with your ex partner with an independent person there. I wouldn't even speak on the telephone with her, keep everything in writing via text so that you can prove what's going on to a court. If you're having multiple phone calls, record them.

Good luck!

 

[Hades]

Do not meet her unsupervised. It would be short term gain for long term pain. But make sure you have evidence that you agreed to supervised meeting in case she turns it around to say you didn't want to see the kids. Good luck.

 

[Diddums]

On that note, download a recording app on your phone and wear shirts with top pockets. Keep your phone in your top pocket recording all her conversations. I use this one and have done for years, it's brilliant and free. It's come in handy more than once and saved my job on one occasion.

 

[Vidar]

I've absolutely no intention of meeting the ex without an independent witness present and I'm certainly not going to have my time with the kids sullied by her being there, they wouldn't know what to do, and it will be a cold day in hell before I ever step foot inside her house.

I won't speak to her over the phone, everything is done by text so I have a record of it but any phone call or meeting would be recorded.

Thanks guys for your support though it's really appreciated. I'd be lost without these forums sometimes.

 

[Dis86]

Sounds like you're playing it smart. Horrible, spiteful woman.

 

[glenimp617]

It sounds like your going through an utter nightmare. One thing I have learnt after reading many stories on here and speaking with friends and colleagues is that deep down, all women are the same.

 

[Angilion]

It sounds like your going through an utter nightmare. One thing I have learnt after reading many stories on here and speaking with friends and colleagues is that deep down, all women are the same.

You should work hard on unlearning that because it's irrational prejudice.

 

[sideways14a]

You should work hard on unlearning that because it's irrational prejudice.

This is true however if you suffer because of one, and suffer properly hard, its going to sit with you for a long time.
About 15 years back i had a similar thing, not my child but brought up with me for 5 or so years and i lost everything i cared for to a pack of lies and deceit.
The event left its mark on me from then on, i find it extremely hard to trust people and women in particular. Not in like could i trust them to get a cup of coffee or park the car but in a relationship especially a long term one. An irrational prejudice yes, but one that still exists nonetheless.
I wont ever have kids, dont particularly like them very much now - might have been different if not for the events a long time ago - another possible subconscious change made to my personality.
Now i just sit back and watch, with absolutely no sense of pleasure whatsoever, many of my friends and colleagues have there ups and there many downs... and think what the fk is this game all about? Glad i stopped playing.

 

[Angilion]

This is true however if you suffer because of one, and suffer properly hard, its going to sit with you for a long time. [..]

Yes, but why extend it to vast numbers of other people who weren't in any way involved? That makes no sense to me. I realise many people do it, but I don't understand why. I was once mugged by someone with black hair. Should I fear/distrust/whatever everyone with black hair? The last person to threaten to kill me had dark brown skin. Should I fear/distrust/whatever everyone with dark brown skin? I don't get it.

The person I replied to had a position significantly different to yours - they explicitly stated that all women are the same (and very bad). That's just plain wrong. It's grotesquely unfair. Your position is about you and you know that ("left its mark on me", "I find it extremely hard", etc - you are talking about yourself) and you know it's irrational ("An irrational prejudice yes"). TheOracle's position is one they blame on other people for no reason other than an irrelevant biological characteristic, the cliched blaming of the target group, the belief that they're all the same.

 

[Delvis]

Okay let's try not to detail from the OP, were here to support him after all.

Vidar, I'm glad you've had some decent movement. Was it not the ex who originally said you had to meet with a mutual party and the courts system? I can't remember, either way, karma's a bitch and she's going to get it.

Best thing, ignore her, talk over text if she instigates it, and show the court system and social workers you're the better parents, which going by what you've said so far is quite clearly true.