Tate Brothers - Round 2

a1ex2001 said:
So we are going with the undefined 'common sense' is it so hard to define what's acceptable? Maybe it's ok if it doesn't leave a mark? Maybe it's ok if the mark isn't to bad when they really deserved it? The notion that you need to hit a kid to teach them how to behave is bizarre, I assume you would at least agree the use of shoes, canes and belts is out even though our grandparents 'turned out fine' when they were battered?
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People know where the line is. If you don’t, then you shouldn’t be a parent.

I don’t go into my martial art gym and start punching my opponent so they end with a bloody nose and missing teeth. We punch and kick hard enough to cause pain so the opponent knows if they don’t keep their guard up then the consequences are they will feel pain. Now they know not to make the same mistake again. Same can be applied to disciplining your kids.

We don’t go in there to leave marks on each other or end up in hospital. We all know where the line is.

That's common sense.

Everyone goes over board with their silly assumptions. How you should and shouldn’t disciplining your kids.

Next I be reading "You shouldn’t shout at your kids because its verbal abuse and traumatising" :rolleyes:
 
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Grab and restrain and get right in their face and shout loudly.

Is that classed as child abuse?
Genuine question.
 
malachi said:
People know where the line is. If you don’t, then you shouldn’t be a parent.

I don’t go into my martial art gym and start punching my opponent so they end with a bloody nose and missing teeth. We punch and kick hard enough to cause pain so the opponent knows if they don’t keep their guard up then the consequences are they will feel pain. Now they know not to make the same mistake again. Same can be applied to disciplining your kids.

We don’t go in there to leave marks on each other or end up in hospital. We all know where the line is.

That's common sense.

Everyone goes over board with their silly assumptions. How you should and shouldn’t disciplining your kids.

Next I be reading "You shouldn’t shout at your kids because its verbal abuse and traumatising" :rolleyes:
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People clearly don’t know where THE line is because it isn’t defined, teaching you kid to behave because they are scared is a parental failure for me. I try not to shout at my kids and they are both well behaved.
 
malachi said:
Next I be reading "You shouldn’t shout at your kids because its verbal abuse and traumatising" :rolleyes:
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Just limit their mobile data to 1GB/month and make them use an iPhone that's more than 3 generations out of date, that'll teach 'em!

Seriously though, we (my family) weren't at all well off when I was growing up, but a small amount of positive re-enforcement went a lot further than beating/shouting ever did
 
a1ex2001 said:
teaching you kid to behave because they are scared is a parental failure for me
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Not long after my youngest was born my own father said to me something along the lines of ‘don’t raise them to be scared of their dad, like I did with you - you’re doing something wrong son if you have to resort to fear, trust me’ - actually helped our relationship, but anywho.
Personally I just can’t see any scenario where smacking your child is required, (short of maybe walking in on them disembowelling the neighbours dog or something equally as mental and at that stage it’s probably self defence anyway :p )
 
OK, actual incident. My step daughters 3 YO was asked repeatedly not to use felt pens on the walls. She picked one up and deliberately scribbled on a wall. My step Daughter took her hand and slapped it (not hard, no red mark etc). And told her how disappointed she was. It was the disappointment that caused my grand daughter to cry. She's not done it since (now 6), and colouring in is one of her favourite things to do.

Was this 'physical violence'? Did it alter my grand daughters behaviour for the worse? What would you have done?
 
Nigel Kingdon said:
OK, actual incident. My step daughters 3 YO was asked repeatedly not to use felt pens on the walls. She picked one up and deliberately scribbled on a wall. My step Daughter took her hand and slapped it (not hard, no red mark etc). And told her how disappointed she was. It was the disappointment that caused my grand daughter to cry. She's not done it since (now 6), and colouring in is one of her favourite things to do.

Was this 'physical violence'? Did it alter my grand daughters behaviour for the worse? What would you have done?
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So by your own admission, talking to her worked more effectively than the hand slap. I don't think your step daughter is a bad person for doing that, but I question if it's necessary.
 
"So by your own admission, talking to her worked more effectively than the hand slap"
Read it again. She was asked (nicely, after a couple of previous near misses) not to so it. She still went ahead and did it.

"is just minging."
So what would you have done?
 
Nigel Kingdon said:
OK, actual incident. My step daughters 3 YO was asked repeatedly not to use felt pens on the walls. She picked one up and deliberately scribbled on a wall. My step Daughter took her hand and slapped it (not hard, no red mark etc). And told her how disappointed she was. It was the disappointment that caused my grand daughter to cry. She's not done it since (now 6), and colouring in is one of her favourite things to do.

Was this 'physical violence'? Did it alter my grand daughters behaviour for the worse? What would you have done?
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Basically manslaughter
 
Nigel Kingdon said:
Read it again. She was asked (nicely, after a couple of previous near misses) not to so it. She still went ahead and did it.

"is just minging."
So what would you have done?
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I dunno, a proportional punishment like making her see how hard it is to clean off by helping her clean up her mistake? like i dunno, teaching that sometimes we can fix a mistake with some work, not to fear angering grown ups because they might hurt you.
 
I was there, there was a definite gap between getting her full attention and being told off and how disappointing she was. It was definitely that that triggered the tears.
"a proportional punishment like making her see how hard it is to clean off by helping her clean up her mistake", this was tried (after the event) with washing up liquid and water, but it required Methylated Spirits to remove.

(genuine q)Is this how you've dealt with your children's misdemeanours in all cases?
 
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