Relationships and money

regulus

regulus

regulus

Soldato
Joined
18 Aug 2006
Posts
10,055
Location
ChCh, NZ
Firstly, leave out the willy waving remarks. It's not intended that way.

Me and my GF both have above average paying jobs. Together we pull in around 7k a month...BUT

We're busy building a house in Austria, paying a flat in Greece and are about to sign a mortgage for a place in the Tatras mountains in Slovakia for our ski holidays.

Now, we have quite a lot to pay as you can tell. She feels we have to spend every penny we can spare towards our debts (debts = mortgages) and try and clear them within the next 2-3 years, which is very possible. This is causing quite a few arguments between us if I want to buy something big for myself.
I've been wanting to buy a new gaming PC for 3 months now, she won't let me. I want to replace my tiny 26" LCD with something bigger, again, she won't let me.
We have a shared account and only take about £100 a week for ourselves to live on, the rest goes towards debts. I'm starting to resent that fact that I have to work 70 hours a week and then negotiate money to buy a DVD if I want one.

She is so focussed on the future that she don't even think about the present.
I can see her point of view and she is probably right on some level, but I would really like if we can take it a bit easier and live to a higher standard.

Now, I'm not asking for advice since nobody know the intricacies and mechanics of the relationship. I was just wondering, how do YOU and your partner manage your finances?
 
It largely depends on what you have now, for example you already have a HDTV so i would personally not bother with a better on until the mortgage was paid. Also how good is your current pc? If its a 6800gt with a single core AMD then yeah, i would say an upgrade is in order, but if you've got an 8800 range card which is capable of running everything on the market do you really need an upgrade?

Very few people manage to pay off their mortgages early on in life, think about it, in three years time all of your income will be disposable (and HDTVs/PC components will be far better than they are now), you could buy all sorts of awesome crap.
 
Yes, I want the places. My company is starting a 12 year project in Austria in 2011, so I had to move there anyway. Greece, well, it's nice, same with Slovakia. It's also investments really.

I don't "need" the TV or PC, I said in my post I "want" them since their stronger and bigger counterparts are fairly cheap now.
 
MattandJet said:
lmao you have three houses? No wonder money is going to be tight :rolleyes:
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Tight? Together the mortgages come to 2.8k a month. Nothing tight about that :)

It's spending every last penny to double and triple the payments that is a pain.
I see posts here of people upgrading PC's every 6 months. I get to do it every 3 years.
 
regulus said:
Tight? Together the mortgages come to 2.8k a month. Nothing tight about that :)

It's spending every last penny to double and triple the payments that is a pain.
I see posts here of people upgrading PC's every 6 months. I get to do it every 3 years.
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Yes but people dont upgrade houses every 3 years.. :p
 
regulus said:
I see posts here of people upgrading PC's every 6 months. I get to do it every 3 years.
Click to expand...

But those people dont NEED a new PC every 6 months they choose to do it because they can, more than likely because they dont have all the other things you have.

FWIW I cant even afford a mortgage on a cardboard box, let alone more than one house, and my PC, TV and other electrical stuff are all over 4 years old now.

As someone already said, once youve paid it all off, then you can buy any number of silly things.
 
I was in a similar position to you upto a year or so ago. We've now paid of the the majority of the debts and we now have the disposable income to spend on things that we both like without feeling guilty.

The girlfriend and I went into beginning of our projects knowing that times would be hard and we wouldn't be able to do the things we necessarily wanted to, but we stuck at it and we're now enjoying life.

I think a reality check is needed, you don't need a new PC or TV... put the money toward paying off your debts sooner and, trust me, the fruits of your hardship are sweet.
 
regulus said:
Firstly, leave out the willy waving remarks. It's not intended that way.

Me and my GF both have above average paying jobs. Together we pull in around 7k a month...BUT

We're busy building a house in Austria, paying a flat in Greece and are about to sign a mortgage for a place in the Tatras mountains in Slovakia for our ski holidays.

Now, we have quite a lot to pay as you can tell. She feels we have to spend every penny we can spare towards our debts (debts = mortgages) and try and clear them within the next 2-3 years, which is very possible. This is causing quite a few arguments between us if I want to buy something big for myself.
I've been wanting to buy a new gaming PC for 3 months now, she won't let me. I want to replace my tiny 26" LCD with something bigger, again, she won't let me.
We have a shared account and only take about £100 a week for ourselves to live on, the rest goes towards debts. I'm starting to resent that fact that I have to work 70 hours a week and then negotiate money to buy a DVD if I want one.

She is so focussed on the future that she don't even think about the present.
I can see her point of view and she is probably right on some level, but I would really like if we can take it a bit easier and live to a higher standard.

Now, I'm not asking for advice since nobody know the intricacies and mechanics of the relationship. I was just wondering, how do YOU and your partner manage your finances?
Click to expand...


This is what being married is like! I have an absolute obsession with buying hardware all the time, she likes buying things for the house and trying to hoarde cash in savings accounts. Between us we have £8k a month going into a shared bank account (I take home £6.1k and she takes home £1.9k but all the money is OURS, not "you earn this so you get this" blah blah, its just one pot of money) with a £1000 mortgage, and with the rest of the bills, it costs £3k a month before we travel, eat, buy goodies etc.

Its called compromising. We have a very good understanding here really. I work 50-60 hours a week and if I want something reasonable, then I buy it. If its a £1k+ purchase, we sit down and talk about it because we are equals in our relationship. Then the decision is made. My wife's tastes arn't as expensive as mine, but she likes to buy clothes, stuff for the garden. £30 here, £40 there type purchases. As long as the bills get paid, and some is put in the savings acct, then life is generally harmonious here!!! We no debts other than the mortgage, so we have disposable income.

Sounds to me like youre not equals. Women are different to men when it comes to money. Perhaps you need to assert yourself more in the relationship? My wife sounds very similiar to your bird. Worrying about the future and forgetting the needs/wants of the present. I think thats quite common in relationships. Just tell her the way it is, if she respect you as an equal, a compromise can be reached.

Why don't you just buy the gaming PC? Fair enough, she'll be in a mood, but surely the fall out is worth that shiny new, high powered, FPS pushing new piece of hardware mate? :)

Funny thing is, youre not even married to her, yet youre having "marriage difficulties"!!! LOL

Good luck
 
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Moses99p said:
What computer do you have at the moment? How much would you spend on a new one? How much joy do you derive from gaming?
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8800GTS 640MB
E6600 duo
2gig Ram
etc

Yes I know, still damn good, but something broke and now the damn thing don't even start. I took it apart loads of times, checked every component. It's dead. Power supply still works btw.

Joy? Well, I work from 7am -8pm , the missus even later, I game about 3-4 hours a week. It's fun, I enjoy it.
 
It doesn't really matter if she's "right" or not. Clearly, you're not happy with the situation, so that's something you need to discuss. There must always be a balance between the wishes of both partners and the family's short and long term interests.

Sit down with her and explain that in order to maintain the frugal lifestyle you currently have, you need some sort of encouragement and motivation to keep you going. After all, I'd imagine that you'd both prefer to pay off your debts in 3-4 years and be happy, than pay them off in 2-3 and split up due to arguments.

P.S. All of that said, I do think that your "wishes" are a bit silly, especially if you're looking at what other people on these boards are doing ;) Personally, I upgrade my PC when I start feeling that I can't play every game I want on decent settings. I've had my current one for about a year and a half and I'll probably have to upgrade it within 12-18 months. You don't need to upgrade every 6 months - that's just plain stupid.
 
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