hahaha, good one. There is no one alive that believes this.
OP, the E60 530d (and probably the F10) have a series of requirements that must be met prior to a regen taking place. These are, from memory:
- Operating temperature maintained for a period of time
(this is not going to happen if one of your the two thermostats is faulty, which is a common problem)
- Glow Plugs operational (some believe a percentage of glow plugs)
- Speed
- And I think there was a fuel requirement too.
It's possible to force a regen via INPA BMW software if you have access to it or know someone that does.
Some people declare with complete certainty that they can "feel" a regen. Truth is, you can't, and if you can, you probably have another problem to worry about. The tell tale sign is a ticking noise from under the car after said 'long run'.