23 and not sure what to do with my life.

ash_scotland88 · 10 Feb 2011 at 17:55

Basically I am resitting 3rd year this year at uni, refailed the first semester as I hate the work and couldnt bring myself to do it, also doesn't help my doctors suddenly stopped my antidepressants due to an other problem.
This semester I finally do what I thought I wanted to do but seem to be also hating it.

Now taking a year or two out is kinda out the question as I already started an architecture course and found the education/attitude from the lecturers I was receiving laughable.

Being at this course is killing me, I am not sure how I've already not attempted to do it myself. But telling my parents I want to quit I'll get the whole "what you going to do with your life."

Now my parents claim they want me to go to uni so I can do better than them, and it's for me they want it. But I think it's all for selfish reasons. My dad stopped talking to me after architecture cause, as my mum said, he couldn't tell the other dads that I was going to be an architect, obvious a bragging right.
I wanted to take a year out last year, but my parents saw it as dropping out, and my mum said to me "what am I suppose to tell poeple, that my son dropped out of uni and is currently doing nothing?!" again, only thinking about her own pride and health.
They also claim the stressfull situation doesn't do anything for my dad's blood pressure, stomach ulcers etc, but with suicidal thoughts on my mind what about my health?!

Sorry this has turned into a huge rant.
Just looking for advice, comfort etc.

I know it's only a few months more, to possibly receive an ordinary degree, but with with first semester to resit and this semester to somehow do, it's basically an entire year again.

Nix · 10 Feb 2011 at 18:04

Have you been capped?

Clearly, they're already disappointed with you 'coming out' and no longer love you. The only pride they had left was hoping you'd amount to something.

I jest of course.

Ignore what they want. You're the one struggling at the moment. Be honest with yourself, if you haven't got the energy to do yourself justice at university at present, take the time out and get your head wired again. Your mother should know better, but she's obviously one of those people fully taken in with status anxiety. She's still your mother though, if you 'drop out' - or that is, take some time out for mitigating circumstances - she will have to understand one way or the other.

Just remember though, the job market at the moment is terrible. You could well find yourself on JSA for some time with your parents constantly uttering disapproval your way. If you can muster the strength to stay on and complete, then do that. If it really is futile, then take the time out and reassess.

ash_scotland88 · 10 Feb 2011 at 18:05

As said I would need to finance the course myself, so would require savings etc.

I recon what I thought I wanted to do (3d visualisation) if I wasn't pressurised so much after architecture to find a new course I would have found a better uni, rather than this general crap course of digital media.

Nix · 10 Feb 2011 at 18:05

Moses said:
My point is that you can drop out and turn it around, and you can start (again) at the age you are now, or later! Only do a uni course you want to do... if that means dropping out, fine... if that means waiting a few years until you really know what you want to do, fine.

Problem is, money becomes a huge factor if you're going to do this. Not something to be taken lightly.

ash_scotland88 · 10 Feb 2011 at 18:06

Nix said:
Have you been capped?

Clearly, they're already disappointed with you 'coming out' and no longer love you. The only pride they had left was hoping you'd amount to something.

I jest of course.

Ignore what they want. You're the one struggling at the moment. Be honest with yourself, if you haven't got the energy to do yourself justice at university at present, take the time out and get your head wired again. Your mother should know better, but she's obviously one of those people fully taken in with status anxiety. She's still your mother though, if you 'drop out' - or that is, take some time out for mitigating circumstances - she will have to understand one way or the other.

Just remember though, the job market at the moment is terrible. You could well find yourself on JSA for some time with your parents constantly uttering disapproval your way. If you can muster the strength to stay on and complete, then do that. If it really is futile, then take the time out and reassess.

What do you mean capped?

And also came out during the summer, so sort of after all this started.

MrMoonX · 10 Feb 2011 at 18:08

go to different docs or if your feeling really bad CMHT and get your mental health sorted then worry about life

ash_scotland88 · 10 Feb 2011 at 18:09

MrMoonX said:
go to different docs or if your feeling really bad CMHT and get your mental health sorted then worry about life

Basically it was stopped due to having a problem with my liver and thoughts were it could be the drugs I was prescribed. I was asked if I wanted to go back on them, but declined thinking I was doing much better.

Showboat · 10 Feb 2011 at 18:44

What realm are you playing on?

Seriously though, your parents are only trying to give you a better start in life than they had, give them a break.
Perhaps if you said why you need to be on antidepressants and why they were stopped, as you come across as a lazy spoilt teenager. You seem to be blaming everyone but yourself (Not saying you are to blame but you are in a rut). What would you even do with a year out?

Parsifal · 10 Feb 2011 at 18:45

Follow your heart.

I hope you get well soon.

Brian8bit · 10 Feb 2011 at 18:50

Baz Luhrmann - Sunscreen said:
Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you wanna do with your life; the most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives; some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still don’t.

InvaderGIR · 10 Feb 2011 at 18:51

ash_scotland88 said:
What do you mean capped?

Retakes of exams/taught units/semesters are often capped at a base rate if you are repeating. For example. I've had to repeat my final year's taught semester and once all the marks are in, it'll all be capped at 40% despite getting 60% or so on some parts.

Nix · 10 Feb 2011 at 18:55

InvaderGIR said:
Retakes of exams/taught units/semesters are often capped at a base rate if you are repeating. For example. I've had to repeat my final year's taught semester and once all the marks are in, it'll all be capped at 40% despite getting 60% or so on some parts.

This. Some universities 'cap' the marks for retakes. Once you pass - at 40% - they simply stop marking or at least, do not award you any higher than the pass-rate.

I just assumed this may be the case regarding what you said about the ordinary degree.

MrMoonX · 10 Feb 2011 at 18:57

ash_scotland88 said:
Basically it was stopped due to having a problem with my liver and thoughts were it could be the drugs I was prescribed. I was asked if I wanted to go back on them, but declined thinking I was doing much better.

maybe speak to them about a new type, as surely it cant be doing u any good to just stop

dowie · 10 Feb 2011 at 18:58

If you're half way through the third year then it would be best to finish it and gain a qualification. Its only a few more months of your life, you've already put a fair bit of effort into it so I'd try and get something to show for your efforts. I'm not sure how it all works with architecture (long course?) but presumably you can get a 3 year BSc if you decide its not for you - I'm sure medics are able to get some biomedical sciences degree if they decide part way through that its not for them.

I doubt that starting something new now or starting something new in the summer will make much difference so you might as well complete what you've already put some effort into.

InvaderGIR · 10 Feb 2011 at 18:59

Nix said:
This. Some universities 'cap' the marks for retakes. Once you pass - at 40% - they simply stop marking or at least, do not award you any higher than the pass-rate.

I just assumed this may be the case regarding what you said about the ordinary degree.

All of mine mark as if nothing is out of the ordinary, then the exam board change it once all the marks are in at the end of the year. So I can pass both exams and coursework both at 60% or so, but when the exam board meet it becomes 40%.

matthab · 10 Feb 2011 at 19:03

Man up finish your 3rd year and then enjoy your life. You parents are doing what every parents do. There wanting you to be succesful in life and enjoy your life. Shame to waiste 2 years studying and nothing to show for it.

radderfire · 10 Feb 2011 at 19:13

Life can be a balance between what you want to be doing, and what's expected of you. However, you have the responsibility of keeping yourself happy, which is an important responsibility.

My advice career wise is to try and find something you enjoy doing and that pays enough, simple as that. If you enjoy doing something it will never be a chore, and that's important.

Rgds

Nix · 10 Feb 2011 at 19:16

radderfire said:
My advice career wise is to try and find something you enjoy doing and that pays enough, simple as that. If you enjoy doing something it will never be a chore, and that's important.

Rgds

Not that I disagree, but such a humble aspiration was difficult enough pre-recession. It's next to impossible at the moment without a huge dose of good fortune.

blueshift · 10 Feb 2011 at 19:16

learn to play guitar, join a rock band, see the world smash a few teles, drugs booze, hookers, etc, and end up as happy as Keith Richards.prob wont make your parents happy( good), well not until the cash comes rolling in, and you can buy them some big s****y house, they can brag about.

Kaiju · 10 Feb 2011 at 19:21

Travel the world and teach English.

I failed my third year resits and left the UK with just a Higher Diploma (2 years completed study) basically due to the same reasons as you.

I could not stand the course anymore and wanted out. If I studied more, I could have easily had my degree, but my attendance was something below 40% each year.

In the end I was lucky to even get out with a Higher Diploma.

My Dad was also a big influence as he convinced me I.T was money. At the time I was naive and agreed it was the best thing for me.

In actuality, my lacklustre disposition towards the course was a blessing in disguise.

It stopped me from getting a degree in the I.T field and getting a crappy desk job in the UK.

I would have then spent 40 years doing menial crap and paying back a mortgage.

I'm now 27 and have been abroad for the last four years. Travelled most of Asia, had countless adventures and now comfortably living in Hong Kong.

Best decision I ever made.