Spacky
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Talking 3 Minute Management Course
Maybe a pearoast I couldn't see it
3-Minute Management Course
Lesson 1:
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.
When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbour. Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you £800 to drop that towel." After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands her £800 and leaves.
The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back
upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, "Who was that?"
"It was Bob the next door neighbour," she replies. "Great!" the husband says, "did he say anything about the £800 he owes me?"
Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit
and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure
Lesson 2:
A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest removed his hand.
But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest apologised "Sorry sister but the flesh is weak." Arriving at the convent, the nun went on her way.
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."
Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity
Lesson 3:
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish." "Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." Puff! She's gone.
"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life." Puff! He's gone.
"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, "I want those two back in the office after lunch."
Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say
Lesson 4
An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing?" The eagle answered: "Sure, why not." So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up
Lesson 5
A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but haven't got the energy." "Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. They're packed with nutrients."
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.
Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top
of the tree. He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.
Moral of the story: Bull**** might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there
Lesson 6
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.
As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize
how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all
warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate...
Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
Moral of the story:
(1) Not everyone who ****’s on you is your enemy
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of **** is your
friend
(3) And when you're in deep ****, it's best to keep
your mouth shut!
This ends the 3-minute management course
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Last edited by Spacky : 26th Jul 2006 at 15:27.
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ElRazur
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**Thumbs up** Seen some of it before though.
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crashuk
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Spacky
3-Minute Management Course
Lesson 1:
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife
is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly
wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.
When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbour. Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you £800 to
drop that towel." After
thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel
and stands naked in front
of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands her £800 and
leaves.
The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back
upstairs. When she
gets
to the bathroom, her husband asks, "Who was that?"
"It was Bob the next
door neighbour," she replies. "Great!" the husband
says, "did he say
anything about the £800 he owes me?"
Moral of the story: If you share critical
information pertaining to
credit
and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be
in a position to
prevent avoidable exposure
Lesson 2:
A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and
crossed her legs, forcing
her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an
accident. After controlling
the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The
priest removed his hand.
But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her
leg again. The nun once
again said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The
priest apologised "Sorry
sister but the flesh is weak." Arriving at the
convent, the nun went on her way.
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to
look up Psalm 129.
It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find
glory."
Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in
your job, you might miss a great opportunity
Lesson 3:
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the
manager are walking to
lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and
a Genie comes out. The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish."
"Me first! Me first!"
says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas,
driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." Puff! She's gone.
"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to
be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless
supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life." Puff! He's gone.
"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager. The
manager says, "I want
those two back in the office after lunch."
Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the
first say
Lesson 4
An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing
nothing. A small rabbit
saw the eagle and asked him, "Can I also sit like you
and do nothing?" The
eagle answered: "Sure, why not." So, the rabbit sat
on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared,
jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing
nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up
Lesson 5
A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to
be able to get to
the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I
haven't got the energy." "Well, why don't you nibble on some of my
droppings?" replied the bull.
They're packed with nutrients."
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it
actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.
Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top
of the tree. He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the
tree.
Moral of the story: Bull**** might get you to the top, but it won't
keep you there
Lesson 6
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.
As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize
how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all
warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate...
Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and
promptly dug him out and ate him.
Moral of the story:
(1) Not everyone who ****’s on you is your enemy
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of **** is your
friend
(3) And when you're in deep ****, it's best to keep
your mouth shut!
This ends the 3-minute management course
hehe i like 1 2 and 3
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Spawn
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Haha great stuff, heard some of them before though
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ElRazur
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Did you have to quote the whole thing...lol
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Yeap im El..ElRazur, did i mention im young , black , intelligent, cute, potential millionaire, infamous and God's gift to women. so it can only be right u 8me, Get over it.
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Spacky
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Quote:
Originally Posted by crashuk
hehe i like 1 2 and 3
You don't have to quote the whole thing, you just killed my scrolly finger
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iCraig
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Quote:
Originally Posted by crashuk
hehe i like 1 2 and 3
Why did you quote the entire thing?
*edit, beaten.. twice. *
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Jumpingmedic
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very good
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merlin
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Spacky
Maybe a pearoast I couldn't see it
3-Minute Management Course
Lesson 1:
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.
When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbour. Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you £800 to drop that towel." After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands her £800 and leaves.
The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back
upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, "Who was that?"
"It was Bob the next door neighbour," she replies. "Great!" the husband says, "did he say anything about the £800 he owes me?"
Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit
and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure
Lesson 2:
A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest removed his hand.
But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest apologised "Sorry sister but the flesh is weak." Arriving at the convent, the nun went on her way.
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."
Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity
Lesson 3:
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish." "Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." Puff! She's gone.
"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life." Puff! He's gone.
"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, "I want those two back in the office after lunch."
Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say
Lesson 4
An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing?" The eagle answered: "Sure, why not." So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up
Lesson 5
A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but haven't got the energy." "Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. They're packed with nutrients."
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.
Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top
of the tree. He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.
Moral of the story: Bull**** might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there
Lesson 6
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.
As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize
how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all
warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate...
Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
Moral of the story:
(1) Not everyone who ****’s on you is your enemy
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of **** is your
friend
(3) And when you're in deep ****, it's best to keep
your mouth shut!
This ends the 3-minute management course
heard em before
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hybrid
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hahaha i like those!!
Think i shall have to forward these on to our management at work
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Trifid
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Very funny, but the quoting has ruined this thread.
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vonhelmet
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That's not what Psalm 129 says.
</Bible Nazi>
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Spacky
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Quote:
Originally Posted by vonhelmet
That's not what Psalm 129 says.
</Bible Nazi>
Spacky owns Bible Nazi.
Psalm 129
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Bill101
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on a similar note
HOW TO RECRUIT THE RIGHT PERSON FOR THE JOB
Put about 100 bricks in some particular order in a closed room with
an open window. Then send 2 or 3 candidates in the room and close
the door. Leave them alone and come back after 6 hours and then
analyse the situation.
If they are counting the bricks; Put them in the accounts department.
If they are recounting them; Put them in auditing.
If they have messed up the whole place with the bricks; Put them in
engineering.
If they are arranging the bricks in some strange order; Put them in
planning.
If they are throwing the bricks at each other; Put them in operations.
If they are sleeping; Put them in security.
If they have broken the bricks into pieces; Put them in information
technology.
If they are sitting idle; Put them in human resources.
If they say they have tried different combinations, yet not a brick has been moved; Put them in sales.
If they have already left for the day; Put them in marketing.
If they are staring out of the window; Put them on strategic planning.
And then last but not least, If they are talking to each other and not a single brick has been moved;
Congratulate them and put them in Senior management.
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basmic
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Good read!
Shame the two morons, merlin and crashuk, felt the need to quote the OP.
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Hlebio
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Brilliant.
And would people please stop bloody needlessly quoting!
