40th birthday ideas

[sx_turbo]

Wife's birthday on the 22nd this month, it's the big 40, unfortunately I've no clue what to do.

I've posed the question but she tells me she doesn't really want to do anything... Which I'm sure is woman code for " you need to think for yourself and organise something big for me" .. or suppose it could genuinely mean doesn't want to do anything.

Anyway I feel I should try... Problem is the more I think about it the more I think how boring she is.....

She doesn't really have any hobbies other than telling me and out boy off, usual wife type stuff.

She likes Disney stuff, and does like to go to the theatre, but has recently taken an aversion to going to London by train and tube, so theatre wouldn't really be ideal, she also likes a spa and pamper day, problem is I can't see anything that's worth the hundreds they seem to want, but this is down to perspective I suppose, maybe I'm being tight, but that's pretty much the limit. She told me she definitely does not want a party, too much drama with the families so I defo won't go that route.

I've decided against an ironing board and other household/ housework products/ equipment, gym equipment/ subscriptions probably wouldn't go down so well either.

Fire suggestions I feel I'm at the point where there's no such thing as a bad idea

 

[sx_turbo]

A health spa visit with massage prepaid

I did almost book one of these, but she didn't want to do it, it was a weekend retreat all about de-stressing etc etc, she's had a lot going on this year and is very stressed a lot of the time and finding it difficult to unwind from it all. The place looked stunning, unfortunately it was also about detoxing, and as it was a retreat food was included but it was vegan only menu which put her off and said she wouldn't like to do it.

 

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Definitely a trip away, without kids. We did Rome for my wifes and did Santorini for mine, was fantastic.

She won't have us both get on a plane incase it crashes and we both die leaving our son behind without one of us to see him grow up.

Same reason she won't go anywhere abroad as the pair of us.

She's also **** scared of flying.

We did just come back from Spain as a family, and it took a lot out of her to get on the plane, It was very hard for her took a lot to keep her calm but she done it which I was proud of.

 

[sx_turbo]

Weekend trip to Paris

Michelin Star restaurant

Aqua Sana day at the nearest Centre Parcs

But definitely not

She likes Heston Bloomington and looked at booking the fat duck, unfortunately havnt been able to make the dates work and she found out the cost and said as much as she'd love to babe couldn't justify the cost.

I tried looking for other Michelin star restaurants but just wasn't really sure what I'm looking at.

If anyone has any suggestions in the Essex area this would be a good option.

I'd like to try and avoid London as she doesn't like the tube, when we've visited recently we've used the Thames clippers as they've been near to the places we wanted to go and worked really well.

Bit theatre and dinner don't think Thames clippers be ideal for this which is a pity.

 

[sx_turbo]

Gray2333 is best suggestion. Start with breakfast in bed.

She's told you she doesn't want a big fuss, so listen to her.

I did a trail of 40 wrapped presents, starting at the bedroom door. Quite a few of them were (framed) photos of her me and the kids over the years, others were mostly chocolate bars and little things I knew she liked. The last two or three were more expensive. The final one was afternoon tea at a swanky place she'd mentioned. She was pleased with that.

That's very thoughtful, can certainly look into doing this.

I know she doesn't want a big fuss, but I do know she'd like to feel special/we've done something special, and I'm all up for that.

 

[sx_turbo]

Get your son to make her breakfast in bed, even if you need to do it and he supplies the tray.

After that make a point of spending the day with her, it doesn't necessarily matter what as long as it's something she likes, just focus on you and her hanging out. You know her far better than we do, despite claiming she has no hobbies she clearly has interests. Go to the spa with her, take the hit and make her laugh by getting waxed or whatever the hell they do to people in those places. Look at local theatres, there's bound to be a few that you don't know about on your doorstep.

I'm about to hit 40 myself on the 20th of this month and don't want to do anything either, but when I say that I mean I don't want a fuss made. I want to actually enjoy the day rather than be forced into some draining family event, the only thing I want is a nice quiet day doing things I enjoy with the people I love.

I can't speak for your wife, whether she's some sort of super social party animal or not, but from my own perspective if someone threw me a massive party I'd hate it and feel as though the day became about an event/everyone else and it'd be exhausting. But for the love of god, whatever you do, don't look at it from a "value" perspective.

Yeah I totally get. Not wanting a party and I agree with her on it. Also means I have t got to try and organise the family and friends and try and play peace keeper all evening, it wouldn't be enjoyable for her.

But she says she doesn't want to do anything, but I'm certain she wants to do something, or at least wants to feel like I've put some thought and effort into something for her, of which I want to do, just don't know what.

 

[sx_turbo]

Book a short break… not ‘for her birthday’ just using it as an excuse to do something fun… to get around the ‘I don’t want a fuss’ point.

You mention she likes Disney - a trip to Disneyland Paris could be fun?

We done Disney Paris in November last year, she'd love to go back, but wants to wait for the new area to open in studios.

 

[sx_turbo]

Sounds like she'd like a new husband for her birthday.

This may well be true, and I couldn't blame her tbh, I'm sure there's better out there for her.

That said however the post was written in jest.

She's not really boring, but has recently for some reason suffering severe anxiety and stress which has stopped her from doing a lot of things that she would never used to question.

Which can make things rather difficult.

I've spent the last 6 months trying to get something sorted, I've had family asking what I'm doing (no ones offered to help though), but havnt been able to sort anything as there always seems to be a reason we can't do xyz.

Now it's so close to her birthday I need to bite the bullet and get something booked.

 

[sx_turbo]

A surprise trip to somewhere on the eurostar would be fun.
You mentioned an aversion to London theatre. Whereabouts do you live? You could try a more local theatre.

Live Witham / Braintree area. Colchester/Chelmsford is nearest cities, Ipswich/Suffolk in general isn't too far,

Eurostar is out the question, apparently she doesn't like the idea of being in a tunnel under the sea, it could collapse and there's no way to escape.

She'll do ferry, but won't go abroad without the boy. That said she also doesn't want the boy to be on a weekend break with us, as she needs a break.

Honestly feel I'm smashing my head against a wall some times.

I just been looking at forest holidays for weekend breaks looks ideal for what she would like, problem is getting time off work and logistics with boy and school, they only check in/out Friday and Mondays.

So need to find an alternative that's similar, somewhere tucked away with hot tub

 

[sx_turbo]

Sorry mate, so was my reply although I really didn't make it obvious did I?

Sorry, your right now I've re-read it, sorry for being a ding bat

 

[sx_turbo]

Have you thought about Elveden Forest Center Parcs?

Not too far from where you are so easy to get to after school/work on the Friday (check in from 3pm) and then you can just check out Sunday late afternoon, no need to stay until they kick you out on Monday morning.

Properly tranquil and fancy enough to feel special

I do like this idea, thankyou will check it out, didn't think of centre parks.

 

[sx_turbo]

So a couple of observations here and this is not medical advice - firstly it sounds like you wife needs some professional mental health support, regardless of what you end up sorting for her birthday for both her and your familys sake I would seriously look into this. She will probably resist the idea but that is part of the condition, CBT if done well can be transformational.

Secondly, for every suggestion you immediately have a reason why it wont work. You need to put the negatives to one side, and try to look at it through a more positive lens. Example - cant do a weekend retreat because of Friday/Monday check in/out. There's no reason you can't check in late and check out early, yes you will pay for a bit of time you dont use but isnt that better than doing nothing?

Trying to have a positive mindset and think only of solutions, not problems, is a game-changer for your own mental health and if you wife sees this attitude shift it may well rub off on her too.

I was one of the most skeptical people around what benefits mindfulness, positive thinking and mental health coaching could bring until earlier this year when a close family member suffered a severe mental health crisis and I have seen first hand the positive impact they can have if you really engage with it.

Good luck and I hope your wife has a great birthday.

Thanks, she does see a therapist once a month and helps a lot, I can always tell when she's due another visit.

It's just something we're managing and getting through. It's not helped by me having ADHD either, with a symptom of which is short temper and get in my own head a bit.

 

[sx_turbo]

Thought I'd update this thread.

Ended up taking her and the family out for afternoon tea, both decided we hate having both families together at the same time.

Got her a Winnie the pooh necklace that she loves, and a thermos mug she wanted. Also gave her £100 cash for a tattoo she wants to get on her wrist (a tasteful one with the kids name on) .

Then I whisked her away for a weekend to a lovely little cottage with a hot tub, with a lunch out and a massage at a nearby spa.

She seemed quite happy....

 

[sx_turbo]

“Seemed”…?

You can never be 100% sure with my wife, love her dearly but she is on the glass half empty side of life. Whereas I'm the opposite..