Permabanned
- Joined
- 18 May 2003
- Posts
- 4,686
- Location
- Londinium
(shamelessly stolen from another website) 
1: Increase the size of the house so that anyone who applies can enter.
2: Seal the place so that nothing gets in and, more crucially, no-one gets back out into the common gene pool.
3: Everything they take in with them, send burglars in to nick. Leave them in the clothes they stand up in.
4: Bread and water 24/7. No booze, fags or chocolate, just pictures of M&S food on the walls and waft the aroma of bacon butties in every so often.
5: No messages from Big Brother. Get a bit of good old paranoia festering away in there. Nothing like a "Lord of the Flies" vibe to fuel the social dynamic.
6: Don't film it on terrestrial TV. Make it pay-per-view, £50 per hour. And for all those daft enough to subscribe, have it in a corner of the screen with the rest of the screen given to a large sign saying "What The **** Are You Doing Watching These Self-Obsessed Personality-Deficiency Cases Parade Their Pitiful Inadequacies In Public ?". Something for the E4 techy monkeys to think about.
7: By week 8 you’ll have a pretty large collection of half-starved, booze-deprived, nicotine addicts going cold turkey in a way not seen outside Bernard Matthew's freezer. The merest hint of a door being opened will see anyone who hasn't gone into a catatonic trance or been shot while trying to escape (did I mention the armed guards earlier ? No matter) leaping for the chance of breathing sweet, free air in the real world. But NO... you have gazed in wonder on your last dawn, mes amis. For now we dim the lights, power up the infra-red cameras, and unleash the tigers. A dozen or so powerful, stripy killing machines roaming around should add an interesting new factor to the Realpolitisch situation in the house. Ah, but why the infra-red cameras ? Because you film this bit, durr. And you can charge as much as you like, because quite frankly, an endgame like that is something I'd sell a kidney to watch.
Happy viewing...
1: Increase the size of the house so that anyone who applies can enter.
2: Seal the place so that nothing gets in and, more crucially, no-one gets back out into the common gene pool.
3: Everything they take in with them, send burglars in to nick. Leave them in the clothes they stand up in.
4: Bread and water 24/7. No booze, fags or chocolate, just pictures of M&S food on the walls and waft the aroma of bacon butties in every so often.
5: No messages from Big Brother. Get a bit of good old paranoia festering away in there. Nothing like a "Lord of the Flies" vibe to fuel the social dynamic.
6: Don't film it on terrestrial TV. Make it pay-per-view, £50 per hour. And for all those daft enough to subscribe, have it in a corner of the screen with the rest of the screen given to a large sign saying "What The **** Are You Doing Watching These Self-Obsessed Personality-Deficiency Cases Parade Their Pitiful Inadequacies In Public ?". Something for the E4 techy monkeys to think about.
7: By week 8 you’ll have a pretty large collection of half-starved, booze-deprived, nicotine addicts going cold turkey in a way not seen outside Bernard Matthew's freezer. The merest hint of a door being opened will see anyone who hasn't gone into a catatonic trance or been shot while trying to escape (did I mention the armed guards earlier ? No matter) leaping for the chance of breathing sweet, free air in the real world. But NO... you have gazed in wonder on your last dawn, mes amis. For now we dim the lights, power up the infra-red cameras, and unleash the tigers. A dozen or so powerful, stripy killing machines roaming around should add an interesting new factor to the Realpolitisch situation in the house. Ah, but why the infra-red cameras ? Because you film this bit, durr. And you can charge as much as you like, because quite frankly, an endgame like that is something I'd sell a kidney to watch.
Happy viewing...
