Hey, I have recently completed (or so I believe) a piece of english coursework. It is just an article, nothing difficult, on an investigation we carried out earlier on in the year. The only thing is, it has to be formal. If you're looking for some (hopefully) amusing light reading, could you take a look for me and decide whether or not you think it comes across as a formal piece? The vocabulary might be a bit offish but I am unsure what might need changing.
Any opinions would be appreciated
thanks a lot.
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According to many scientists we only use a fraction of our brain, a miniscule 10% in fact. Despite this, we are expected to force scores of information into this tiny capacity and become living, breathing encyclopaedias of scientific knowledge. From the transition of just GCSEs to GCEs, we are harshly welcomed by books containing hundreds of pages of knowledge and images only depicting the torture of how complex each subject becomes. During our studies at college, sixth form, or even the more modern ‘distance learning’ courses, we are expected to sacrifice a minimum of 15 hours a week for out of hours learning. As well as this, we are expected to juggle a part time job to pay for those taurine injected energy drinks we slosh down our throats with reckless abandon in the days running up to coursework deadlines.
Upon hearing our cries of distress, the older generations tend to look down their nose at us, and project such tripe like, “back in my day, we had to work straight after school!” and “try doing a hard day’s graft!”. How we all tire of these remarks, day in, day out. It does not occur to these folk that more or less 80% of our free time is spent doing homework, coursework, revising and then working for pittance in between, just to pay for that one weeks holiday a year that they can so easily afford after working for a few weeks. We know what a hard day’s work is, contrary to popular belief; our summer is spent working extra shifts. Not getting so inebriated any information we do actually ingest is lost again in the big white telephone at the end of the night.
Nevertheless, many students may realise that the books they acquire once studying college leave a lot to be desired. Students will sling out over 5 hours worth of wages to purchase these books that claim to be endorsed by every which examining body. Upon studying the book briefly, they will begin to believe whoever endorsed this book, were more than likely severely visually impaired. The book in question contains only two images over two double spreads with each page being A4 sized. When did we decide images weren’t fun anymore? I’m sure many people must think the same thing. What happened to Biff, Chip and Kipper? Surely they could have gone to the magic key university and passed down their wisdom on to the knowledge thirsty students of this generation?
Once upon a time we used to look forward to drinking in the imagery produced by story books and educational text books, that told us everything we needed to know in an amusing and efficient way. We were once showered in fun rhymes, ridiculously cheesy puns and awesome alliteration to help us remember every detail of what we needed to know. And you know what? We did, we enjoyed that literacy so much we read it every single day religiously. We could recite every single word, pause and typing error in those books because we adored so much what the content consisted of.
It seems as if reading and learning is now forced upon us, whether we understand the jargon we’re staring at or not seems completely irrelevant. Every student can agree that many an hour can be spent leering at the same mocking sentence in a text book, desperately waiting for that penny to drop. Sometimes it never does, and when it comes to the final crunch that is exam day, we are spending the entirety of our efforts trying not to empty our bowels into what are certainly not incontinence pants.
So, it could be argued that we students are just a group of moaners and whiners, but with the load we have to take on, surely that is understandable? Especially when you take the day to day hardships into consideration, such as; popularity, drugs, alcohol, relationships, hormones... the list really is endless. Are we to blame for developing into the seemingly blatant self-saboteur? Or is this a result of what happens for being given too many choices at the frail and naive age of 16? With our over-active imaginations, we could also perceive that those printing the knowledge in to these text books do it in such a way that they are effectively making information too difficult to take in, therefore completely withholding it from us. Then again, some students fare completely sublimely in these short two years at college, so maybe these burdens are completely fathomed and are not part of a global conspiracy.
Any opinions would be appreciated
thanks a lot.------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
According to many scientists we only use a fraction of our brain, a miniscule 10% in fact. Despite this, we are expected to force scores of information into this tiny capacity and become living, breathing encyclopaedias of scientific knowledge. From the transition of just GCSEs to GCEs, we are harshly welcomed by books containing hundreds of pages of knowledge and images only depicting the torture of how complex each subject becomes. During our studies at college, sixth form, or even the more modern ‘distance learning’ courses, we are expected to sacrifice a minimum of 15 hours a week for out of hours learning. As well as this, we are expected to juggle a part time job to pay for those taurine injected energy drinks we slosh down our throats with reckless abandon in the days running up to coursework deadlines.
Upon hearing our cries of distress, the older generations tend to look down their nose at us, and project such tripe like, “back in my day, we had to work straight after school!” and “try doing a hard day’s graft!”. How we all tire of these remarks, day in, day out. It does not occur to these folk that more or less 80% of our free time is spent doing homework, coursework, revising and then working for pittance in between, just to pay for that one weeks holiday a year that they can so easily afford after working for a few weeks. We know what a hard day’s work is, contrary to popular belief; our summer is spent working extra shifts. Not getting so inebriated any information we do actually ingest is lost again in the big white telephone at the end of the night.
Nevertheless, many students may realise that the books they acquire once studying college leave a lot to be desired. Students will sling out over 5 hours worth of wages to purchase these books that claim to be endorsed by every which examining body. Upon studying the book briefly, they will begin to believe whoever endorsed this book, were more than likely severely visually impaired. The book in question contains only two images over two double spreads with each page being A4 sized. When did we decide images weren’t fun anymore? I’m sure many people must think the same thing. What happened to Biff, Chip and Kipper? Surely they could have gone to the magic key university and passed down their wisdom on to the knowledge thirsty students of this generation?
Once upon a time we used to look forward to drinking in the imagery produced by story books and educational text books, that told us everything we needed to know in an amusing and efficient way. We were once showered in fun rhymes, ridiculously cheesy puns and awesome alliteration to help us remember every detail of what we needed to know. And you know what? We did, we enjoyed that literacy so much we read it every single day religiously. We could recite every single word, pause and typing error in those books because we adored so much what the content consisted of.
It seems as if reading and learning is now forced upon us, whether we understand the jargon we’re staring at or not seems completely irrelevant. Every student can agree that many an hour can be spent leering at the same mocking sentence in a text book, desperately waiting for that penny to drop. Sometimes it never does, and when it comes to the final crunch that is exam day, we are spending the entirety of our efforts trying not to empty our bowels into what are certainly not incontinence pants.
So, it could be argued that we students are just a group of moaners and whiners, but with the load we have to take on, surely that is understandable? Especially when you take the day to day hardships into consideration, such as; popularity, drugs, alcohol, relationships, hormones... the list really is endless. Are we to blame for developing into the seemingly blatant self-saboteur? Or is this a result of what happens for being given too many choices at the frail and naive age of 16? With our over-active imaginations, we could also perceive that those printing the knowledge in to these text books do it in such a way that they are effectively making information too difficult to take in, therefore completely withholding it from us. Then again, some students fare completely sublimely in these short two years at college, so maybe these burdens are completely fathomed and are not part of a global conspiracy.