TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM:
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
You sell them and retire on the income.
AMERICAN CAPITALISM:
You have two cows.
You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
You are surprised when the cow drops dead.
You threaten to invade the country the cow came from.
FRENCH CAPITALISM:
You have two cows.
You go on strike because you want three cows.
JAPANESE CAPITALISM:
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
You then create clever cow cartoon images called Cowkimon and market them
worldwide.
GERMAN CAPITALISM:
You have two cows.
You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk
themselves.
BRITISH CAPITALISM:
You have two cows.
Your cows are both mad.
You burn them.
ITALIAN CAPITALISM:
You have two cows
You don't know where they are.
You don't care where they are.
You break for lunch.
RUSSIAN CAPITALISM:
You have two cows.
You count them and find you have five cows.
You count them again and find you have 42 cows.
You count them again and find you have 11 cows.
You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.
SWISS CAPITALISM:
You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you.
You charge others for storing them anonymously.
HINDU CAPITALISM:
You have two cows.
You worship them.
CHINESE CAPITALISM:
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim full employment, high bovine productivity.
You arrest the journalist who reported that you only have two cows.
WELSH CAPITALISM:
You have two cows.
You fancy the cute one on the left.
ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM:
You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, You then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. Your annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public buys your bull.
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
You sell them and retire on the income.
AMERICAN CAPITALISM:
You have two cows.
You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
You are surprised when the cow drops dead.
You threaten to invade the country the cow came from.
FRENCH CAPITALISM:
You have two cows.
You go on strike because you want three cows.
JAPANESE CAPITALISM:
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
You then create clever cow cartoon images called Cowkimon and market them
worldwide.
GERMAN CAPITALISM:
You have two cows.
You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk
themselves.
BRITISH CAPITALISM:
You have two cows.
Your cows are both mad.
You burn them.
ITALIAN CAPITALISM:
You have two cows
You don't know where they are.
You don't care where they are.
You break for lunch.
RUSSIAN CAPITALISM:
You have two cows.
You count them and find you have five cows.
You count them again and find you have 42 cows.
You count them again and find you have 11 cows.
You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.
SWISS CAPITALISM:
You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you.
You charge others for storing them anonymously.
HINDU CAPITALISM:
You have two cows.
You worship them.
CHINESE CAPITALISM:
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim full employment, high bovine productivity.
You arrest the journalist who reported that you only have two cows.
WELSH CAPITALISM:
You have two cows.
You fancy the cute one on the left.
ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM:
You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, You then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. Your annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public buys your bull.
