A Joke

So three rabbis and a leprechaun are trekking across the desert. So they trek all day, then they camp out for the first night, and they're camped out, and a tarantula makes a move on the leprechaun. So the first rabbi picks up a canteen of water and throws it at the tarantula, and knocks the tarantula out, so they're all safe and everything's cool.

Then they get up the second day and they trek all day, then they camp out for the second night, and they're camped out, and a rattlesnake starts going after the leprechaun. So the second rabbi picks up a box of matzoh and throws it at the rattlesnake and knocks it out, so they're safe and everything's okay.

Then they get up on the third day and trek all day, then they camp out for the third night, and on the third night, a scorpion starts attacking the leprechaun. So the third rabbi walks into a bar and orders a double scotch and a milkshake. He drinks the double scotch and pours the milkshake in his pants. Then he gets a second set of drinks, and this time he drinks the milkshake and pours the double scotch in his pants.

Then he gets a third set of drinks, and this time when the bartender turns his back, the elephant just takes off, running down the highway, knocking over telephone poles and smashing cars and small trucks, and by the time he gets to the tollbooth the first duck asks, "Hey, would you pass the soap?" But before the second duck can even answer, the cop BURSTS into the bathroom carrying the monkey.

But the monkey gets loose, right? And he runs into the kitchen and starts smashing all the dishes and bending all the forks and spoons. And by the time the dentist catches the monkey again, the leprechaun shoves the scorpion up the third rabbi's backside.​

Haha, I haven't laughed that hard in a while.
 
So three rabbis and a leprechaun are trekking across the desert. So they trek all day, then they camp out for the first night, and they're camped out, and a tarantula makes a move on the leprechaun. So the first rabbi picks up a canteen of water and throws it at the tarantula, and knocks the tarantula out, so they're all safe and everything's cool.

Then they get up the second day and they trek all day, then they camp out for the second night, and they're camped out, and a rattlesnake starts going after the leprechaun. So the second rabbi picks up a box of matzoh and throws it at the rattlesnake and knocks it out, so they're safe and everything's okay.

Then they get up on the third day and trek all day, then they camp out for the third night, and on the third night, a scorpion starts attacking the leprechaun. So the third rabbi walks into a bar and orders a double scotch and a milkshake. He drinks the double scotch and pours the milkshake in his pants. Then he gets a second set of drinks, and this time he drinks the milkshake and pours the double scotch in his pants.

Then he gets a third set of drinks, and this time when the bartender turns his back, the elephant just takes off, running down the highway, knocking over telephone poles and smashing cars and small trucks, and by the time he gets to the tollbooth the first duck asks, "Hey, would you pass the soap?" But before the second duck can even answer, the cop BURSTS into the bathroom carrying the monkey.

But the monkey gets loose, right? And he runs into the kitchen and starts smashing all the dishes and bending all the forks and spoons. And by the time the dentist catches the monkey again, the leprechaun shoves the scorpion up the third rabbi's backside.​

Haha, I haven't laughed that hard in a while.


that hurts my brain.
 
A guy dies and goes to hell. He's led to a big cave to receive his punishment. While he's waiting he sees some guys in a corner masturbating furiously. He thinks, "Well, this can't be all that bad if we still get to do that."

A demon judge walks in and sits down on a throne and says to the guy, "Hi, I'm Phil, I'll be assigning your punishment today. Let's start by your telling me the worst sin you ever committed."

The guy hesitates, thinking, "Well if they don't know the worst thing I've ever done then I certainly shouldn't tell them! Oh, but wait, maybe they do know what I've done and this is a test, and if I lie then I get an even worse punishment? What to do, what to do...?"

He's lost in his thoughts so the demon snaps his fingers and says, "Hey! Buddy, we don't have all day here!" And gesturing to the men in the corner, he continues, "Speak now or forever hold your piece!"​
 
A guy dies and goes to hell. He's led to a big cave to receive his punishment. While he's waiting he sees some guys in a corner masturbating furiously. He thinks, "Well, this can't be all that bad if we still get to do that."

A demon judge walks in and sits down on a throne and says to the guy, "Hi, I'm Phil, I'll be assigning your punishment today. Let's start by your telling me the worst sin you ever committed."

The guy hesitates, thinking, "Well if they don't know the worst thing I've ever done then I certainly shouldn't tell them! Oh, but wait, maybe they do know what I've done and this is a test, and if I lie then I get an even worse punishment? What to do, what to do...?"

He's lost in his thoughts so the demon snaps his fingers and says, "Hey! Buddy, we don't have all day here!" And gesturing to the men in the corner, he continues, "Speak now or forever hold your piece!"​

Me likey :)
 
A guy is walking down the street and he hears someone saying, "13, 13, 13...." He ignores it but it gets louder: "13, 13, 13..." Then it starts getting quieter, so he figures he must have passed the source. Curious, he turns around and tries to find it. The voice gets louder: "13, 13, 13,, 13..." He sees a small hole in the bottom of a fence, so he kneels down and looks in the hole, and as he does so a finger comes out and pokes him in the eye. He says, "Ow!" Then he hears, "14, 14, 14, 14..."
 
So three rabbis and a leprechaun are trekking across the desert. So they trek all day, then they camp out for the first night, and they're camped out, and a tarantula makes a move on the leprechaun. So the first rabbi picks up a canteen of water and throws it at the tarantula, and knocks the tarantula out, so they're all safe and everything's cool.

Then they get up the second day and they trek all day, then they camp out for the second night, and they're camped out, and a rattlesnake starts going after the leprechaun. So the second rabbi picks up a box of matzoh and throws it at the rattlesnake and knocks it out, so they're safe and everything's okay.

Then they get up on the third day and trek all day, then they camp out for the third night, and on the third night, a scorpion starts attacking the leprechaun. So the third rabbi walks into a bar and orders a double scotch and a milkshake. He drinks the double scotch and pours the milkshake in his pants. Then he gets a second set of drinks, and this time he drinks the milkshake and pours the double scotch in his pants.

Then he gets a third set of drinks, and this time when the bartender turns his back, the elephant just takes off, running down the highway, knocking over telephone poles and smashing cars and small trucks, and by the time he gets to the tollbooth the first duck asks, "Hey, would you pass the soap?" But before the second duck can even answer, the cop BURSTS into the bathroom carrying the monkey.

But the monkey gets loose, right? And he runs into the kitchen and starts smashing all the dishes and bending all the forks and spoons. And by the time the dentist catches the monkey again, the leprechaun shoves the scorpion up the third rabbi's backside.​

Haha, I haven't laughed that hard in a while.

Best so far.... only 1 to really make me laugh. Platypus for the win.
 
So three rabbis and a leprechaun are trekking across the desert. So they trek all day, then they camp out for the first night, and they're camped out, and a tarantula makes a move on the leprechaun. So the first rabbi picks up a canteen of water and throws it at the tarantula, and knocks the tarantula out, so they're all safe and everything's cool.

Then they get up the second day and they trek all day, then they camp out for the second night, and they're camped out, and a rattlesnake starts going after the leprechaun. So the second rabbi picks up a box of matzoh and throws it at the rattlesnake and knocks it out, so they're safe and everything's okay.

Then they get up on the third day and trek all day, then they camp out for the third night, and on the third night, a scorpion starts attacking the leprechaun. So the third rabbi walks into a bar and orders a double scotch and a milkshake. He drinks the double scotch and pours the milkshake in his pants. Then he gets a second set of drinks, and this time he drinks the milkshake and pours the double scotch in his pants.

Then he gets a third set of drinks, and this time when the bartender turns his back, the elephant just takes off, running down the highway, knocking over telephone poles and smashing cars and small trucks, and by the time he gets to the tollbooth the first duck asks, "Hey, would you pass the soap?" But before the second duck can even answer, the cop BURSTS into the bathroom carrying the monkey.

But the monkey gets loose, right? And he runs into the kitchen and starts smashing all the dishes and bending all the forks and spoons. And by the time the dentist catches the monkey again, the leprechaun shoves the scorpion up the third rabbi's backside.​

Haha, I haven't laughed that hard in a while.


This is completely fantastic. 5 stars :D:D:D:D:D
 
A man spends his first day in prison talking to his cell mate. His cell mate gives him a few tips on surviving maximum security in his first weeks there, and then pauses to look outside the bars of the cell.

"I got an escape plan", says the man's cell mate.

"What is it?"

"Put this blanket over your head, and I'll tell you what to do when the guard comes back."

The man puts the blanket over his head, and his cell mate begins to rape him.

Savagely.


So wonderfully written. I haven't laughed so hard in ages. :D:D:D
 
Why do undertakers wear ties?


Because their profession is very serious, and it is important that their appearance has a degree of gravitas.
 
The charpy test is for checking the toughness of the material and has nothing to do with the dutile behaviour of it. Its normally only applicable for tool material (drill bits/hammers) and not standard beams.

KaHn

I'm just going to give up now. You win:(
 
You **** off. Who do you think you are? It's no wonder that Yank and Jerk mean the same thing ;)

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