A short, terrible lockdown story

Soldato
Joined
19 Nov 2011
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As I was eating my Skyr yogurt, my bottom started to tremble. Whilst I carried on monching, the trembles became noxious gas. The trembling stopped, it was too quiet. Something was going to happen, but when? Or how I thought.

Until suddenly, stomach cramps threatened the diabolical creation of unwanted dingleberry stew. While still eating, I faltered to the deep stomach groans from deep within. I ran for my life, making sure to firmly clench my cheeks while doing so, there was no letterbox in sight.

Upon planting on the throne, I released the dankest snelling turd that was laid to rest within the inner bowls of the toilet. Yet, required no wipes, utterly unheard of.

Myself, a rather relieved man, or I would even argue a very light man took to the sink. When someone walked in....

Sniffing. His nose was being bestowed upon by my stinky Eden mess smell. Small talk was inevitable.
Apparently the weather was nice as the unwanted guest slowly closed the cubical door presumably wishing he brought a gas mask.

I endured further sniffing sounds and coughing, my hands where finally clean in the longest 30 seconds of my life. Without any hesitation, I released a further root a toot while drying my hands with absolutely no regard to the air around me.

Fin.
 
Turns out the person that walked in was a hallucination from the fumes and the OP is now dead, posting from beyond the grave.

WHAT A TWISSSSST.
 
Haha :D One wipe wonders are the best.

The one that always gets me is when you go into a bog and find a massive un-flushed Richard the size of a cucumber fully 2" in diameter just sitting there looking up at you.

Quite apart from how it is even physically possible to generate and expel such a Poopedo and live.

I find myself wondering whether the reason why it is still there is because the person who fired it was either so proud of his achievement that he felt it should remain on view for all to see or whether he just crawled off to die in agony leaving it unflushed.
 
I find myself wondering whether the reason why it is still there is because the person who fired it was either so proud of his achievement that he felt it should remain on view for all to see or whether he just crawled off to die in agony leaving it unflushed.
Are you Ben Elton?
 
Turns out the person that walked in was a hallucination from the fumes and the OP is now dead, posting from beyond the grave.

WHAT A TWISSSSST.

Retro!

I once had a phantom poo.
After I got up, nothing was there. But I heard a splasg
 
The one that always gets me is when you go into a bog and find a massive un-flushed Richard the size of a cucumber fully 2" in diameter just sitting there looking up at you.

Quite apart from how it is even physically possible to generate and expel such a Poopedo and live.

I find myself wondering whether the reason why it is still there is because the person who fired it was either so proud of his achievement that he felt it should remain on view for all to see or whether he just crawled off to die in agony leaving it unflushed.

Hahahaha, that has made my day :D
 
aLZHaFo.mp4
 
The one that always gets me is when you go into a bog and find a massive un-flushed Richard the size of a cucumber fully 2" in diameter just sitting there looking up at you.

Quite apart from how it is even physically possible to generate and expel such a Poopedo and live.

I find myself wondering whether the reason why it is still there is because the person who fired it was either so proud of his achievement that he felt it should remain on view for all to see or whether he just crawled off to die in agony leaving it unflushed.

Ah but the best ones are where it loks just like that - but where did the toilet water go?
Like some sort of submersible faecal sponge just sitting right in the bowl. Two flushes sometimes isn't enough for a monstrosity like that.
 
You should always take a bread knife with you to the toilet - If you get a sticker you can cut it up into chunks.
 
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