Advice on the missus needed :/

Jamie1984 · 5 May 2006 at 20:12

Ok....so I was getting some premium rate text dating service and after complaining to icstis I got a letter back saying they werent unsolicited and a someone had texted 'MAN' with the nickname 'Danni' to the premium rate text service. Ok so the texts from nowhere have turned into texts from someone using my gf's name...

So when i got to my gf's I show her the letter (didnt accuse her...just showed her it as i told her about these texts a while back) and she said something along the lines of 'it aint from me'. Now had it been any other nickname I'd not have thought anything of it. But the fact she has access to my phone and the subscriber and her name are the same has me thinking twice.

I know this doesnt seem very of trusting of me and maybe its my problem there, but it just seems a bit too coincidental that someone has subscribed from my phone with her name.

I tell her it looks a bit too coincidental and she goes off on one, which I can understand. What I cant understand is that she has no interest in who could have sent these texts from MY phone.

Well she's at work now and im meeting her in a couple of hours, I dunno what to do to get this sorted.

Id appreciate anyone sharing their thoughts on this.

cleanbluesky · 5 May 2006 at 20:15

How do you want us to react?

Its a phone text, grow a spine and put your partner in place.

If you want the truth try the 'broken record' technique... patiently ask her a question until she gives you the truth. Patiently repeat the question.

Jamie1984 · 5 May 2006 at 20:18

cleanbluesky said:
How do you want us to react?

Its a phone text, grow a spine and put your partner in place.

If you want the truth try the 'broken record' technique... patiently ask her a question until she gives you the truth. Patiently repeat the question.

Ive tried 'putting her in her place' but she still denies shes used my phone and makes the good point of 'why would I use your phone instead of my own' and i feel a bit of a **** to keep going on. But then if thats the case why isnt she interested in knowing why someone would use her name on my phone for dating service texts?

Going to Cali · 5 May 2006 at 20:20

My advice, don't get angry and innocent until proven guilty. Looking back, I was confrontational with my ex and that's partly the reason she's an ex.

cleanbluesky · 5 May 2006 at 20:21

Jamie1984 said:
Ive tried 'putting her in her place' but she still denies shes used my phone and makes the good point of 'why would I use your phone instead of my own' and i feel a bit of a **** to keep going on. But then if thats the case why isnt she interested in knowing why someone would use her name on my phone for dating service texts?

Let me give you a quick guide on how to have a personal argument...

1) ask as many questions as you can, don't be shy of repeating questions...

2) answer as few questions as possible, just enough to remain polite...

3) Be confident that you are right...

Ask her why she used your phone, if she then says "why would I use your phone" say... "that's exactly what I asked, i wanted to know why you used my phone..." broken record, reinforce the point...

But as I said, what do you want beyong the truth?
It sounds like you already know what happened... do you just want an admission?

Jamie1984 · 5 May 2006 at 20:22

Going to Cali said:
My advice, don't get angry and innocent until proven guilty. Looking back, I was confrontational with my ex and that's partly the reason she's an ex.

good advice, thanks.

Going to Cali · 5 May 2006 at 20:23

cleanbluesky said:
1) ask as many questions as you can, don't be shy of repeating questions...

2) answer as few questions as possible, just enough to remain polite...

3) Be confident that you are right...

you trying to get this guy dumped? It very well could have been her, but if she says it isn't, asking her a hundred times isn't going to help. What if she's telling the truth. My personal opinion is that until you have something concrete there's no need to be argumentative and petty, it'll only make things a lot worse.

cleanbluesky · 5 May 2006 at 20:24

Going to Cali said:
you trying to get this guy dumped? It very well could have been her, but if she says it isn't, asking her a hundred times isn't going to help. What if she's telling the truth. My personal opinion is that until you have something concrete there's no need to be argumentative and petty, it'll only make things a lot worse.

I'm sure the OP already knows who used his phone. Its not being argumentative, I didn't say argue - I just said keep asking until you get the truth...

and besides, when someone says something like "why would I use your phone?" you can be pretty sure they are misleading you... and good at it they are too I'd imagine. It doesn't address the question, and it turns the emphasis back on the person whose phone it is

Jamie1984 · 5 May 2006 at 20:27

I think I know what happened, but thats just it i only 'think' i know and cant prove it. I guess im waiting on someone (prolly a woman!) that understand women to shed some light on why shed act this way.

kitten_caboodle · 5 May 2006 at 20:27

Jamie1984 said:
Ive tried 'putting her in her place' but she still denies shes used my phone and makes the good point of 'why would I use your phone instead of my own' and i feel a bit of a **** to keep going on. But then if thats the case why isnt she interested in knowing why someone would use her name on my phone for dating service texts?

star out your sweary dude

I really don't know what to say to help in this case. I suppose it comes down to the question:

Yes or No. Do you think it was her?

Then take your gut reaction and work from there.

cleanbluesky · 5 May 2006 at 20:28

Jamie1984 said:
I think I know what happened, but thats just it i only 'think' i know and cant prove it. I guess im waiting on someone (prolly a woman!) that understand women to shed some light on why shed act this way.

Its because women are aliens. Or maybe not - sounds like she is behving like anyone else in that situation...

Do you want a disclaimer? Someone to tell you that her behaviour is somehow okay, to explain it away so you can accept it?

Ask her why she used the phone, I would...

[TW]Fox · 5 May 2006 at 20:30

She'd have to be pretty damn stupid to sign her BOYFRIENDS phone up to a text dating service if she was after a new man.

It's probably a mate taking the mick.

Mr Spew · 5 May 2006 at 20:31

I thought you wanted us to rate her, never mind, off I go..

Going to Cali · 5 May 2006 at 20:32

Like I say, innocent until proven guilty. Could have been a friend or colleague on the wind up. Anyway, if she has texted this, surely the point isn't so much the whole phone thing, but why she's straying? I really think an honest two way conversation is the best way to approach things. I don't think being a broken record is going to help anyone regardless of whether she did or didn't text anyone. Sounds to me like the OP wants to sort things out, best way to do that is to be relaxed, calm and understanding. Anyway, I hope all goes well for you.

Jamie1984 · 5 May 2006 at 20:34

[TW]Fox said:
She'd have to be pretty damn stupid to sign her BOYFRIENDS phone up to a text dating service if she was after a new man.

It's probably a mate taking the mick.

well could be, so if this is the case is she justified in not caring who subscribed? cos if it was the other way round id be trying to find out whos trying to cause bother.

cleanbluesky · 5 May 2006 at 20:35

[TW]Fox said:
She'd have to be pretty damn stupid to sign her BOYFRIENDS phone up to a text dating service if she was after a new man.

It's probably a mate taking the mick.

That or she wants to cause tension, either way I think the OP knows anyway - he seems to lack confidence more than anything.

Jamie1984 · 5 May 2006 at 20:39

cleanbluesky said:
That or she wants to cause tension, either way I think the OP knows anyway - he seems to lack confidence more than anything.

lack confidence? well I lack the confidence to keep pushing what im feeling cos there could be another explanation. But i know if the roles were reversed id be damn sure id find out who would have used her phone.

anyway, going afk a little but ill check back before i go pick her up from work.

kitten_caboodle · 5 May 2006 at 20:41

Jamie1984 said:
lack confidence? well I lack the confidence to keep pushing what im feeling cos there could be another explanation. But i know if the roles were reversed id be damn sure id find out who would have used her phone.

anyway, going afk a little but ill check back before i go pick her up from work.

That's the thought that troubled me too to be honest. If that was me and I hadn't used the phone, i'd be livid and want to know who was trying to cause us grief. If I had used the phone I might have played it down and pretended it wasn't a big deal while I figured out what to do/how much you suspected.

....but I could be totally wrong.

LynnieLeigh · 5 May 2006 at 20:43

My advice would be to contact the company and try and found out exactly when the initial text was sent. That way you will know who had access to your phone at that time.

kitten_caboodle · 5 May 2006 at 20:46

LynnieLeigh said:
My advice would be to contact the company and try and found out exactly when the initial text was sent. That way you will know who had access to your phone at that time.

that's an excellent suggestion.