Am I being unreasonable?

ken1307

ken1307

ken1307

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sorry for another relationship thread but I just want to ask if I am being unreasonble :(

well, basically me and my gf of 5 years are current on a break. I felt there is somethign different about us the minute Im back (from holiday) but couldnt quite figure out what it was then 1 day later we had a fight and she wanted to have a break (so that she can figure things out). Anyway, its been a week since and we had a little chat this moring and turned out while we were on a break, she had a crush on one of her friends :eek: :(. I dont normally give a crap about crush because I know its nothing but IMO, its definately not OK when you are on a break So I asked her to stop seeing that guy for now but she went ballistix and started saying how I control her and stuffs, how important her friendships (in general, not just with this guy) and basically refused to do so.

now, what do you guys think is a reasonable reactions if you were me? also, is there anything wrong with asking that guy name? not like I would do anything to him but I just want to know :rolleyes:
 
What difference would knowing the guys name make if you aren't going to do anything? It seems like it would only be something to torment yourself with further or you would do something with the information.

Also what would you like her to do about the crush? You would be happy with it if you are together but somehow think that she should be able not to have the same feelings while you are on a break? Being realistic while you are on a break you don't have that much in the way of 'rights' to dictate or even suggest how you want her to behave.
 
I forgot to add that she said she has already over that crush
and definitely dont want to be with that guy :rolleyes:

@Immsy: I really hope not :(
@AcidHell2: I complete agree with you but Im willing to give it a try...
@Tombstone: just google it :p
@Monkey Puzzle: apparently yes and they have been friends for a while.
@semi-pro waster: I just wanna know, is it wrong?
 
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ken1307 said:
@semi-pro waster: I just wanna know, is it wrong?
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Not necessarily but I personally don't see the point unless you either want to do something with the information or alternatively like to torment yourself with the guys name. Knowing doesn't seem like it would add anything beneficial to the situation for you so for myself I just wouldn't bother to ask unless I was thinking about doing something. Then of course there is always the potential for it to be used in any arguments in the future.

Anyway good luck getting it sorted, I don't envy your position at all.
 
I know what a break and a crush is, at least in my terms. I wondered what you were defining them as.

For me, a break is when the relationship is over (usually, but not always, temporarily) and a crush is simply when you fancy someone.

If that is your definitions too, then yes, in my opinion you are being unreasonable. Predominately because you were on a break, and thus its no business of yours who she sees (and vice versa), had you been together it would be more of an issue, but by being on a break you arent together.

You could ask the guys name if you want, cant see what the point of knowing it is though.
 
Tombstone said:
I know what a break and a crush is, at least in my terms. I wondered what you were defining them as.

For me, a break is when the relationship is over (usually, but not always, temporarily) and a crush is simply when you fancy someone.

If that is your definitions too, then yes, in my opinion you are being unreasonable. Predominately because you were on a break, and thus its no business of yours who she sees (and vice versa), had you been together it would be more of an issue, but by being on a break you arent together.

You could ask the guys name if you want, cant see what the point of knowing it is though.
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no, by "on a break" I meant we just taking some time off from seeing each other, its not a break up :) Am I still being unreasonable if thats the case?

about finding out the name, is it just me or you guy would also want to know the name of the guy who your wife/gf had a crush on?
 
david.n.c said:
Both quoted for truth.......mate its over. Sorry, but its all the classic signs. Even down to the you control me aspect.
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I get that too :( but still, I will give it a shot and hope for the best. Our situation is abit complicated and the break is because of some other things as well (namely she already has a job offer while I havent so we might end up in different countries from September)
 
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ken1307 said:
no, by "on a break" I meant we just taking some time off from seeing each other, its not a break up :) Am I still being unreasonable if thats the case?

about finding out the name, is it just me or you guy would also want to know the name of the guy who your wife/gf had a crush on?
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Depends by what we mean by "not seeing each other", are we talking simply not physically seeing each other, or are we talking not seeing each other as not being "an item" for a bit. Kind of like the difference between a seperation and a seperation

Regarding the name, nope, cant say I would want to know. People get crushes all the time, I see people at work that I quite fancy, I regularly see a woman on the way to work each morning who I think is hot. I am sure my wife is no different. Its natural to still be attracted to other people (its just whether or not you do anything about it which is important). If its no more than a crush, simply fancying some guy, I really wouldnt care whether I knew their name or not, wouldnt bother me.

ken1307 said:
(namely she already has a job offer while I havent so we might end up in different countries from September)
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That puts a different spin on things though, in my experience long distance relationships rarely work.
 
Tombstone said:
Depends by what we mean by "not seeing each other", are we talking simply not physically seeing each other, or are we talking not seeing each other as not being "an item" for a bit. Kind of like the difference between a seperation and a seperation

Regarding the name, nope, cant say I would want to know. People get crushes all the time, I see people at work that I quite fancy, I regularly see a woman on the way to work each morning who I think is hot. I am sure my wife is no different. Its natural to still be attracted to other people (its just whether or not you do anything about it which is important). If its no more than a crush, simply fancying some guy, I really wouldnt care whether I knew their name or not, wouldnt bother me.
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you confused me there with the denifition of "break" but I guess its the former. we are still couple (as of now) and just not seeing each other for a while.

about the name thing, maybe I just have some trust issues (because my ex cheated on me) :o

Tombstone said:
That puts a different spin on things though, in my experience long distance relationships rarely work.
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its just a possibility, nothing concrete yet.

Gimpymoo said:
Quoted from past experience.

Breaks are for those who dont want to admit the truth. I know it sounds harsh, but why go on a break? Was it her idea?
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yes, it was her idea. She wants some space to figure things out :S
 
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ken1307 said:
I get that too :( but still, I will give it a shot and hope for the best. Our situation is abit complicated and the break is because of some other things as well (namely she already has a job offer while I havent so we might end up in different countries from September)
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Knock it on the head champ, I've tried what you're probably about embark on. I was totally drained after 3 months of devoting my life to fighting for/ trying to save what was a terminal relationship.

Walk away now, before things get bloody and you risk losing diginity/repect.

You sound like me mate, and usually we come off worse. No relationship is worth fighting for if she's not willing to fight for the relationship too. It sounds like she has already tossed the towel in.
 
Hmm..well as harsh as it sounds, and I hate to say it, but I think its probably doomed. Lets face it, if you do have trust issues, and the trust, or lack thereof, is causing problems when she is nearby imagine what kinds of problems the trust will cause when she is thousands of miles away in another country. God only knows what kinds of thoughts will be going through your head :)
 
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