Am i right to be concerned?

[SideWinder]

I feel as though i'm the only one in my house - 5 guys including myself - to be worried about a housemate's behaviour when drunk.

Last night was a textbook example...he got very drunk, it mixes with his antidepressants and he goes all crazy. He was actually scaring one of the girls in an after party in Halls as he was sitting cross legged and sort of, rocking backwards and forwards, face full of animation and acting erractic. Ie, body movements spasm and things like that. It took us 40 minutes to get down a 15 minute road home and he promptly smashed a few glasses. A few nights before he smashed a lightbulb, took a mate's bed stuff outside the house and threw a housemate's chair down the stairs.

Don't get me wrong...sometimes its funny to see and "people do silly things when they are drunk" but surely there is a line? He is an intelligent guy when sober but he is 32. He has never had a job, lives with his parents who do everything for him and can't seem to look after himself. He lacks motivation to get up and sometimes he wakes up at 9pm and stays awake for 24 hours, other times he doesn't emerge for a couple of days. It's just very erractic. He IS a good mate when he wants to be and we do just go along with how he is because sometimes the benefits can outweigh the cons.

Anyway, just looking for other opinions hopefully showing i'm not being "boring" by worrying and stuff. My housemates are quite submissive and seem to take it in their stride but then again, i live with quite a mixture of guys. We all love to go out, get wrecked and whatever. But sometimes there is a line surely?

Can answer any questions etc.

 

[SideWinder]

I'd be worried if I knew someone well who was mixing drink and pills. So you are right on there, I'd talk to him and try and get him to stop taking both together.

Problem is, he won't ever stop. He is a 32 year old man who has gone to University for god knows what reason. He is intelligent. That's the annoying thing. He is sitting on a good 2:1 for doing not a lot of work. He wants to get with women, have fun and whatever because he's never done it before. And he has never done it before because he can't summon the motivation to do anything about it - hence why he has never had a job besides a week at a supermarket and a few other random things he quit after a few days. He doesn't remember a single thing last night or many of the nights and predictably, he is going back to his parents tonight for a few days who will feed him and whatever and then he'll come back and do it all over again.

Seems like he is attention seeking?

It does sound like that...he says a lot of things when he is wrecked, especially last night. Something about his Dad being a 'proper man' and he isn't. I might suggest he should go back to counselling as he seems to be a very troubled guy.

 

[SideWinder]

"he is 32. He has never had a job, lives with his parents" enough said in my opinion.

This! Sounds like he needs help getting his **** together, which is admittedly easier said than done.

Yup. I know. It's quite sad.

I won't be living with him next year as he won't be able to afford the rent because he won't get a job. He would actually rather retire now and leave it at that. Don't get me wrong, he has a tiny amount of ambition but it's just a thought. He would be an amazing counsellor but he can't be bothered and everything will "happen next week" if you get me.

 

[SideWinder]

Sorry for the late reply.

Let me clear something up. Before he went to University, he hadn't moved out of his parent's home. He hadn't really worked besides a bit of on the side stuff for his Dad such as removals but never held down a job longer than a week. So sometimes when he has had a heavy night out, he runs back to his parent's home and gets sorted out. He'll return a few days later.

SideWinder,

Your friend needs to get help. He is 32 and waking at all sorts of hours, and staying up for days on end, something is not right with that for a start. Some geeks do this in their late teens and early 20's.. but not at 32.

What is his background?

How long have you known him?

All at University, 3rd year students. I've known him 'properly' for almost 2 years now. I didn't see much of him in 1st year in Halls even though he lived 2 floors above me. Sometimes his flat mates thought he had gone home for the weekend because he never emerged from his room. Even living where he does now, with myself and others in a student house, it is not uncommon to assume he is out until he emerges from bed around 10pm.

I don't know much about his background except i know he has been on AD for the majority of life, he left school as he never turned up so no GCSEs. But i also know he went on an Access course and certainly did enough to end up at University. He CAN do well because he is naturally intelligent enough but he doesn't seem to want to. He does get frustrated at himself but that's where it ends.

It's his life, why interfere?

He's still a mate and although there are downsides, he is a great laugh and someone you can chat to.

 

[SideWinder]

Antidepressants and alcohol might not interact with each other, that in no way makes them all completely safe. Both have significant effects on your brain chemistry, its rather stupid to blindly think taking one drug to drastically change your brain chemistry in one direction then taking another to swing it the other way is a safe thing for your brain.... it's not.


The guy need's help, get him to talk about it when sober, tell him he has to stop drinking. Ask him to think about if his life is really improved when he drinks, can he remember anything or is he getting black out drunk. Is he just happier to be black out drunk than just being unhappy, thats a pretty big reason for a lot of depressed people to drink. Better to feel nothing, than depressed. however get him to see that he might feel better when drunk, but he's actively hurting his friends and his relationships with people. He might not feel so bad when drunk, but he's going to feel worse when sober till it gets to the point no one will talk to him when sober.

Hopefully he'll see sense and realise drinking doesn't help him and also doesn't give his brain a chance to "normalise" which is what anti-depressants try to do. Assuming he's not feeling any better on them, and has erratic sleeping and by the sounds of it no improvement on the pills he needs to speak to his doctor about it, maybe get a different pill that could turn his life around, or combine a certain anti-depressant with some therapy. IN the end he need's help, and he need's friends to help him with that.

Amazing post and ironic user to post it, so thankyou.

I will certainly try and speak to him about it and use the questions you have suggested. I ended up video-ing him being drunk and weird in the hope it might make him realise it isn't healthy or normal to do some of the things he does. However, it is going to be tricky to say whether its a case of "Oh he's drunk!" to "Wait, something is not right". The majority of my housemates believe its the 'drunk' thing but i know something isn't right. And knowing it's near the end of the year, i don't think it'll improve. He says he doesn't want to move back in with his parents but we know he will.

 

[SideWinder]

I dont really see how he 'lives with his parents' if he was in Halls at Uni and then house shared at Uni for the next 2 years. It's like you are expecting to him to have a mortgage and a house somewhere which he doesnt occupy as he's at Uni or something

Of course not. But he is 32. You would have expected someone to have done something with their life by that age. Don't get me wrong, i know many people who have decided to go to University later on in life but he hasn't done anything before it. He has lived with his parents, lived off them and it has got to the point where his parents have done everything for him including cooking, buying his clothes and generally telling him how to live. A person of that age 'normally' has done something before deciding to go to University.