AM I WRONG

[andy m w]

Ok so i will start from the begining. I got with my partner about 15 years ago.She had two sons aged 5 and 7 from her marriage (divorced about 14 years ago) now i brought these kids up,bought toys,fed them,tought them how to defend themselves,gave them whit,protected them ,and loved them unreservedly and always will and they know that. The eldest aged 22 years now i put him through his apprenticeship. at 19 He was fully qualified as a bricklayer. The youngest now 20 years has no qualifications, Has not held a job for more than 2 month in 4 years (the only job he has had) and will not even look for jobs anywhere. Neither have ever paid any board and do not think it is relevent to them. Now this has been pixxxng me off for quite a few years but my partner keeps saying to me that I am just being selfish and that i am picking on them and that they are just kids, but when i point out that they go drinking three or four times a week and have girlfriends she says that they are adults .Believe me this is only a fraction of what goes on. I would be grateful for any comments especially from the younger members. Thankyou

 

[andy m w]

I think the OP just needed a "/rant" at the end and thread closed.

Just stop feeding them and they will soon whip into shape


or get involved in drugs to pay their way, lukechad accepts no responsibilty if this occurs.

Sorry yes i did need a rant but trust me THEY will not whip in to shape

 

[andy m w]

Because they know they have your missus to back them up!

EXACTLY

 

[andy m w]

Soon as I was in full time employment (which was 2 weeks after leaving school) I began paying rent to my mum, paid £200 a month to here for my digs. Wouldn't have had it anyother way.

How else are they meant to learn the value of money?

tHANKYOU phonemonkey nice to speak to someone with morals

 

[andy m w]

i paid £50 per month between the age of 16 and 18 while i was in full time education and had a part time job (they saved it in a savings account until i was 18 for me, which was pretty cool of them). i now pay £225 per month which is reasonable for what i get (would certainly cost more than that to live on my own down here!). i don't resent what i pay but i make sure they are aware that i don't intend to pay any more than that.

i think your partner is being unreasonable, even if it's a token gesture they need to pay something so they are aware life isn't free and not everything they earn will always be for them to spend how they like, son #2 sounds like a lazy **** to me, kick him in to touch pronto.

Thankyou it is nice to hear that some young people have values in their lives

 

[andy m w]

Cheers Andy, but I'm not the only one here that has the same morals by the looks of things

Perhaps it's worth having a word with your partner about it, explaining like you think it's something which would be benefical to the kids

Been there done that (love is blind )when it comes to being a mother

 

[andy m w]

Have you sat down and spoke to them about this? Maybe if they realised what they were getting for free they'd be happier to contribute.

Done it no go thanks for the input though mavers

 

[andy m w]

From 16 I was given no more handouts and worked full time during the summer. Of that, I paid £50 - £70 a week upkeep to my parents. The rest I saved for trips to festivals etc. and my own enjoyment.

Wouldn't have had it any other way, tbh. 20 years old and lying around sponging is atrocious.

Thankyou Pestilence for your input. I must say that i am impressed by the way younger members on these forums feel about this situation.

 

[andy m w]

They pay rent, or they get out.

If number two (lol) was actually trying to do something, get some money together for a place or some studying, then I may waver. But as he's not, he needs a rocket up his arse.

I see your point, but people aged 20 and 22 are not 'kids'. They are adults.

Heres th punchline,My youngest son has a daughter at 32 month old,split up from his girlfriend .but the thing that grates me is he would rather spend time with his friends and (new girlfriend) than with his daughter

 

[andy m w]

To an extent you are both right. On the flip side when I was that age I wanted to be working and paying my way while my mother wanted to pay for me to go on a round the world adventure. Give them some slack to enjoy being a yooooth but at the same time pressure them some what to learn to be responsible.

At the moment i do not have the funds to pay for them to go to macdonalds let alone a(round the world adventure) so unless you live in the (real world) please keep your unrealistic words to yourself. THANKYOU

 

[andy m w]

Thanks guys i think the question has been answered unanimously.The reason i posted was because my partner had almost convinced me that i was the one who was out of order for even daring to ask the boys to either contribute to their upkeep or even do some chores. Thankyou all.

 

[andy m w]

Show her this thread What age are you if you don't mind me asking?

I am 44 she is 43

 

[andy m w]

So ...... if I understand this ..... the eldest is a qualified bricklayer, with potential earnings of £600+ a week if he's any good and there is work: The second is unqualified except for being able to irresponsibly father kids that he seems not to want, and they both live at home with mum and you and contribute zero to the home, either via chores or £££ ?

Why don't you give 'em all an ultimatum? including mum? they are taking the ****, big time and should have been shown the door a long, long time ago ..... or you should have moved on and left them all to it.

I wish you all the best, whatever you do but DO SOMETHING.

Kind regards, singist.

Thanks for the input singist,to start off the eldest no longer does bricklaying he has a job making granite worktops.The youngest pretends to be a father but would rather be out with his mates at every chance.I have on several occasions given them the ultimatum but get back thrown in my face that i would never see my grand daughter again which to me would be the WORST thing ever as i live my life for her and she is the only thing in the world that i care about. I think they have me by the bxxxs on that one. Thanks