Anger/Rage issues

AHarvey

AHarvey

AHarvey

Soldato
Joined
6 Mar 2008
Posts
10,085
Location
Stoke area
Hi,

I've dealt with anger myself for many years and have learnt to control it, but one of my younger brothers is 22 and really struggling.

It's effecting relationships and when he's single he's very angry. He's a great lad, and although I know he's chasing a girl he's just broke up with I am trying to get him to understand that another relationship isn't going to help.

Anyone any advice of how to help someone that suffers from it? Things to suggest, groups to point him too.

Local doctors have kind of just wiped him to one side and say it's not an issue but it obviously is and depression is definitely a factor too.
 
http://www.nhs.uk/Conditions/stress-anxiety-depression/Pages/controlling-anger.aspx

Getting help with anger

If you feel you need help dealing with your anger, see your GP. There might be local anger management courses or counselling that could help you.
There are private courses and therapists who can help with anger issues. Make sure any therapist you see is registered with a professional organisation, such as the British Association of Counselling and Psychotherapy.
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The BACP website has a link to find a therapist if you think he needs one.
 
Strife212 said:
Boxing stance
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I'm sure you find it funny, but i honestly find it a little boring now and very unoriginal.

This isn't some keyboard warrior post where it's even fitting, it is a serious post asking for serious advice from vast knowledge of the forum. I want to help my brother and I am sure many on here would be the same with their own.
 
AHarvey said:
I'm sure you find it funny, but i honestly find it a little boring now and very unoriginal.

This isn't some keyboard warrior post where it's even fitting, it is a serious post asking for serious advice from vast knowledge of the forum. I want to help my brother and I am sure many on here would be the same with their own.
Click to expand...

In all seriousness I know people who find boxing to be a very good way of stress relief. Any exercise in general is supposed to be a good way to relieve tension. Does your brother do much in the way of sports?
 
A martial art (boxing, thai boxing etc ) anything full contact is a good way to channel anger, the only problem is he will be trained to hurt people better.
 
I had anger issues when I was in my teens. Grew out of it, after screwing up a relationship with someone I loved to pieces when I was 20. Was mostly just shouting at family and anyone close. Kind Of funny, anyone I loved I would shout at if they did something that annoyed me, and I had a short temper so that was pretty much anything.

As with most things it's really about acceptance. Once I accepted I had issues it didn't take long.
The anger was related to stress and depression, the latter come and go.
 
Growing up helps.

Anger is borne out of frustration and not getting what you want out of a situation usually.
For instance you don't wake up make a cup of tea, have some toast, get dressed and go out of the house then deliver a massive kick up the arse to your dog in furious rage.

But you might do if the kettle goes pop, you burn your toast, tear a nail off putting your socks on, catch your nuts in your zip and come down stairs to find the dog has **** everywhere.
But getting angry won't help solve any of what's just happened, and that's what you have to make people suffer from it understand.

My brother had the same problem, he was 27 FFS, he was depressed, alcoholic, suicidal, bankrupt and furious at everything.
It was only through getting him to start looking at everything objectively that and dispassionately that I helped him get over it all.
 
Something that might help is anything on Mindfulness, be it a book, cd or course. Not sure if your bro is the type of person who would entertain something like that but if he is it might give him some more time between something triggering his anger and the anger coming.

Hope you find something though :).
 
Sayso said:
A martial art (boxing, thai boxing etc ) anything full contact is a good way to channel anger, the only problem is he will be trained to hurt people better.
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A good martial art (and a good instructor) will actually teach more discipline. The point of martial arts is not to be good a fighting but to be good at fighting when it is needed and not a moment sooner...

Firantil said:
Something that might help is anything on Mindfulness, be it a book, cd or course.
Click to expand...

Mindfulness (I used a book) worked wonders for my anxiety. But I'm not a hot headed youth...
 
You say depression is a factor. Therefore, the locals doctors should not be brushing him to one side. There are reasons that someone would be both depressed and angry - he obviously needs help to address what that was. You have anger issues too (controlled) - do they have a common denominator - if so then it needs to be explored together.
 
I'm an angry person but keep it bottled up as much as possible, once i get pushed too far though I snap and see red, luckily it's quite rare these days
 
I was the same when I was that age, really angry and depressed. Hated the world in a what seemed to be a second onslaught of teenage hormones. Like others here I just grew out of it, I felt rather childish and embarrassed after a little self contemplation.

It doesn't take long to realise screaming and shouting at things solves very little most of the time. Personally my anger mostly stemmed out of the inability to put things in the pigeon hole labeled "lifes a bitch sometimes". I would stew over things in that box instead of getting on with life and I was ignoring the good things around me in doing so.

Someone once told me it takes time to get perspective of life, dealing with emotions and feelings/reactions - it's what your early 20s is mostly about. They weren't wrong. Just support him through the family, are you sure you need a therapist. Patience can't be that thin surely?
 
Could try meditation, I remember seeing a video on YouTube, search “meditation big think"

It's been proven scientifically to make the grey matter of the brain associated with stress and worries smaller.

 
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Along with some of the other suggestions, volunteer to help somebody worse off than yourself to develop a perspective.
 
I myself went to see a doctor about my short temper and rage sisues. I was told that I suffer from the symptoms of hypoglycemia without actually being hypoglycemic

in short I get angry when I dont eat, although recently its when I set out to do something and procrastinate instead, lol

its my own fault really.
 
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