Anybody with good english fancy reading over something for me?

Soldato
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As per title really, expanding my business and ive written a few paragraphs to send onto people that i know have a company. Im hoping to make some good money from this but i aint sending out this word doc until i know it looks good as i think my english is crap :)

Anyways if your willing to give up 5 mins reading time and maybe 15 mins altering time then let me know :)

Cheers

James.
 
@ James07

A few thoughts.

1. Is the document a follow-up to those who have shown an interest or is it a mail-shot?
2. Is your objective to sell the product/service or to sell an appointment (i.e. gain a meeting/sales opportunity)?
3. Do you already have clients in the target audience's industry?
4. Do you already operate in industries other than that of the target audience?

If the answer to (1) is to sell the appointment and the answers to (2), (3) and (4) are all 'Yes' then there is a short and powerful telephone approach that typically results in an appointment around 75% of the time.

If that sounds of use to you then post and I'll explain it.
 
@ James07

A few thoughts.

1. Is the document a follow-up to those who have shown an interest or is it a mail-shot?
2. Is your objective to sell the product/service or to sell an appointment (i.e. gain a meeting/sales opportunity)?
3. Do you already have clients in the target audience's industry?
4. Do you already operate in industries other than that of the target audience?

If the answer to (1) is to sell the appointment and the answers to (2), (3) and (4) are all 'Yes' then there is a short and powerful telephone approach that typically results in an appointment around 75% of the time.

If that sounds of use to you then post and I'll explain it.

I dont want to ring around, plus people who see my name are more likely to look at the message and take it seriously, but my answers are 1) both 2)both 3) yes a few 4) yes this is going to be a sister company to my main company
 
Fair enough. If you don't wish to telemarket then what I would have suggested is irrelevant.

Good luck with the mailing.:)

I dont have the available funds to do something like that at the moment.

But the more knowledge i have for the future the better?
 
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OK. In the past I have worked my way across a very significant percentage of certain industries in the following fashion; the Car Manufacturing, Office Equipment and Pharmaceutical Industries especially. But it works also with all industries where competition is fierce and where there are a large number of suppliers.

First, one needs a couple of clients in a given industry plus one needs to have a number of clients in other industries. That's why I asked you the questions I did earlier. Once you are armed with those two tools you have some very attractive bait in order to get appointments.

What you basically offer to your targets is an opportunity for them to learn what their competitors are up to. Indeed that is exactly what you pitch to them. Along the lines off, "We work for a number of other companies in your industry and I'd like an opportunity to come along and show you the things we have been doing for your competitors."

This approach appears at first glance to be a bit of a double edged sword. On the one hand its very attractive to the prospect and gains appointments. On the other hand it suggests you have no respect for confidentiality so how could they ever trust you. Don't worry, the latter can be easily dealt with at the appointment. That's where having clients in other industries comes in.

At the appointment the approach is to say that while you can show the prospect the type of things you are doing for their competitors, you obviously can't, because of confidentiality, show them exactly what you are doing for any specific competitor. However, the types of things you are doing are identical to the things you are doing for clients in other industries and obviously you can explain those. You then proceed to show the prospect those things whatever they are, that is to say how you can reduce their costs, improve their productivity, etc., etc., or whatever the benefits of your product/service are.

Once you get the hang of the approach you will find that appointments are very easy to come by indeed. Very few prospects turn down an offer to learn what their competitors are up to. Better still it means that you do not need an army of telemarketeers. Just one afternoon on the phone yourself usually results in one heck of a lot of appointments booked. With a bit of practice you'll find that it is possible to get as many as three appointments for every four decision makers you pitch to.
 
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