Anyone fancy reading a script I wrote?

sent mp3duck

bit nervous now, my mum has said all the previous drafts were really good, this one is pretty different but I can't see how it isn't stronger.
 
Ok... I've had a read and found one thing that I have issue with. Towards the end, BRENDA is sat watching JODIE, whereas earlier it'd been TRACY arranging her breakfast. Was that intentional?
 
VirtualAdept said:
Ok... I've had a read and found one thing that I have issue with. Towards the end, BRENDA is sat watching JODIE, whereas earlier it'd been TRACY arranging her breakfast. Was that intentional?
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Jesus, good job you pointed that out mate. Thanks very much.


1 point for VA, anyone else got a bigger mistake than that?

EDIT: other than that though VA, what did you think? Does it make sense?

I'm fully aware I can't see the wood for the trees or whatever, I know so much more about the characters and the story than is in there but that's sposed to be a good thing, the writer is supposed to be able see all the iceberg. Just whether or not enough is above the water I suppose.
 
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anksta said:
Jesus, good job you pointed that out mate. Thanks very much.


1 point for VA, anyone else got a bigger mistake than that?

EDIT: other than that though VA, what did you think? Does it make sense?
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Oooh, points.

TO be completely honest, I wasn't entirely keen since I tend to shy away from drug culture as much as possible BUT after a page or three I found it very gritty so I went back and started again.
I've gotta say, aside from the brenda bit, I really enjoyed it. Some little things had me wondering what more was gonna develop (if ya wanna know what, I'll email it, save influencing others opinions).

It even got a couple of proper hard laughs out of me, at which point it reminded me, style wise of the film "son of rambo", which I thought was excellent.
All in all mate, very good, I'd quite happily sit and read more.
 
VirtualAdept said:
Oooh, points.

TO be completely honest, I wasn't entirely keen since I tend to shy away from drug culture as much as possible BUT after a page or three I found it very gritty so I went back and started again.
I've gotta say, aside from the brenda bit, I really enjoyed it. Some little things had me wondering what more was gonna develop (if ya wanna know what, I'll email it, save influencing others opinions).

It even got a couple of proper hard laughs out of me, at which point it reminded me, style wise of the film "son of rambo", which I thought was excellent.
All in all mate, very good, I'd quite happily sit and read more.
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cheers mate, it's a good job you pointed out that Brenda bit. When you send stuff out for people to check, you imagine that it's gonna be like "this bit doesn't work" or whatever, but in actual fact, it's things like that that really matter, that was a proper jarring error, really glad you pointed it out.

As for everything else, yeah man definitely send anything you've got over, be glad to hear anything anyone has to say.

I think my reading of that post mirrored your reading of the script, I was sagging a little when you were saying it wasn't your thing but I'm buzzing now.

You're right about it being gritty, that;s what we're going for. I think given the ages of the characters and the setting we're running the risk people assuming it's either an In Betweeners without the jokes or a Shameless rip off whereas we're going for a completely different look at the same age group and a Shameless that can be called remotely realistic.

I like to think that on the In Betweeners, the characters have all the essentials, housing, food, a family that loves them and are just left with the struggles of getting booze and a shag. Whereas our characters have the opposite, they can get booze, a shag and drugs or whatever, their worries are that their house might not be there when they get home.

I'm starting to ramble.
 
anksta said:
You're right about it being gritty, that;s what we're going for. I think given the ages of the characters and the setting we're running the risk people assuming it's either an In Betweeners without the jokes or a Shameless rip off whereas we're going for a completely different look at the same age group and a Shameless that can be called remotely realistic.
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I must admit the shameless thought did pop into my head, but again thats because I dont go in for anything drug related in terms of entertainment.

But yep, enjoyed it very much, and may I commend you for your use of the term "**** your house down".

mp3duck said:
hey anksta... do you know how long email take to arrive via trust? Not got anything yet?
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Took a little while to get to me mate.
 
VirtualAdept said:
I must admit the shameless thought did pop into my head, but again thats because I dont go in for anything drug related in terms of entertainment.

But yep, enjoyed it very much, and may I commend you for your use of the term "**** your house down".



Took a little while to get to me mate.
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hahahaha, thanks so much mate. We debated that scene for so long, way before we even got there, so much so we were just arguing about it for ages and then he went all quiet and moody because I wouldn't put a setup scene in.

But then when we actually got there it just flew out, especially that line you mentioned, that was the one I was gonna ask about in particular.

I'm not sure about "stab him or a kid's balloon" though, I think there is a better comparison to be had somewhere, any suggestions on that are welcome.
 
anksta said:
Na mate I sent yours straight on, your email was in the trust, a hotmail one.
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That's strange... don't use a hotmail email address.
Where do I go to check what email is being used?

I received an email via trust last week on my gmail?

EDIT: Gone to my old hotmail account.. not sure how that got registered.. Not used it for years, and only registered on here April 2011.. Very strange?
Anyways, thanks, I'll take a read and let you know (might be tomorrow now. bit tired now)

EDIT 2: Ahh, I see what happened now.. I have my MSN listed that uses my hotmail.. Email listed correctly however!
 
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mp3duck said:
That's strange... don't use a hotmail email address.
Where do I go to check what email is being used?

I received an email via trust last week on my gmail?
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dunno mate, think you just click it. Well that'll be why you haven't got it then, do you wanna send me an email and I'll get one off that way?
 
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