Argument on train

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anything I don't mind

anything I don't mind

anything I don't mind

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There I was sitting on the slow train on the way to work when some guy gets on playing music from his mobile phone. I said to him just like this "excuse me is that you", he said "yes". I said that is annoying. He responded by saying that i should have asked him nicely. I thought what i said was quite polite, i could think of many ways to say it a lot worse. We ended up having this big argument about it. I said that he was inconsiderate first and thus not deserving of politeness. He said that he didn't think it was bothering anyone, i said that it was being inconsiderate is. He ended up getting me worked up enough for me to start swearing at him. OF course he was muslim/indian and ended up asking if i speak to my family like that. So i asked him if it is was a cultural thing which got him all worked up and he twisted it in to me being racist because he had a beard.

What do you think. Should i have asked him very politely or should he have been more considerate in the first place?
 
I do think it was a cultural thing. Not a racist way. In his culture the way they speak is overly polite. With my culture we speak to other very abuptly and it is not intended to be non polite., its just the way we speak. I let him know that it was annoying it is up to him whether he wants to do anything about it after that. I don't see why i have to say, excuse me kind sir, but if you don't mind if you could please turn off your music because it is disturbing my train ride to the station.

For the record, i only asked him if it was a cultural thing about 5 mins of arguing.
 
I thought i was quite polite when i asked him. If i had said, aye mate shut that ***** *** **** thing off. then i think he would have grounds to moan. But as i said excuse me is that you. Then let me him that it was a bit annoying. I thought i was being polite. But he didn't seem to think so.
 
I was not trying to to be polite but i don't think it was rude. I was being abrupt because he was being inconsiderate.

How does it go from him being inconsiderate to me asking him to be considerate being a bigger issue than him being inconsiderate.

I asked him if it was what i said or how i said it and he said both.
 
At the time i was not interested in an argument or making a point. I was in a bit of a mood due to missing the fast train. But i honestly thought i said it in a polite way at the time and was surprised when he got all up tight about the way i asked him to turn it off.
 
anticonscience said:
No it doesn't.

You took your frustration out on him and tried to involve cultural differences.

If you would have just said "excuse me, would you mind just turning that down a bit?" then you would probably have avoided the whole sorry situation.
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I didn't take my frustration out on him at all. I merely let him know that his music was annoying. Barely taking frustration out at all. I said it in a very calm and polite way as far from my perspective. I am starting to think it wouldn't have matter how polite i said it this guy would have moaned about something. He was just not happy that he couldn't do what he wanted.
 
Metalface Mark said:
Why didnt you just say " excuse me, could you turn that down" - rather than " is that you?" from what you said you didnt actually ask him to turn it down, just to confirm that it was him playing music.
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Well i wanted to make sure it was him before i let him know that it was annoying. I didn't want to ask the wrong person to turn it down.
 
TheLegendOfMart said:
Since when was "It's annoying" a polite way of saying "can you turn it down please?"


I am white british, born by two white british parents and my "culture" is nothing like yours, I would never be so rude towards a stranger, let alone bring their religion/ethnicity into it.
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You think it is not polite to let someone know that them playing music on their phone is annoying?

The thing is that I was never trying to be polite in the fisrt place. But I don't think what i said was not polite. IF someone said that to me that something i was doing was annoying them. I would not say that what they said was not polite what i would say sorry for annoying them or i don't care if annoy you.
 
The cultural comment was about the way in which he thought what i said was not polite and how i thought what i said was not impolite. It was not about him playing music but the way in which he interpret what i said. It wasn't racist, it was a comment about his culture and what he thinks is polite. For example he doesn't swear and thought me swearing (which i do all the time without thinking like a lot of non muslim english people do) was offensive and rude. While if someone used swearing in the same context towards me i wouldn't think much of it.

So in some ways i was actually complimenting his culture by saying that he has a higher level of acceptable discourse than my culture. To which burnsey replied that i was wrong and can not speak for all english culture. I think he is right, english culture would be not say a thing out of fear of upsetting the apple cart and before you think i was attacking minority i can assure that i was a minority on that train carriage.
 
MeEsH BaKkA said:
One day someone will hurt you for doing things like that, especially on a train of all places where its so easy to get away. As annoying as someone is it better to not be gobby and racist and not have to deal with someone battering you as the train pulls into a station.



I have a feeling you don't grasp social situations too well.
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The day i am scared to tell some that they are annoying me on public transport is the day i would have turned in to you.

Thanks for sharing you feelings with us, I hope you continue to do so because it has been valuable so far.
 
How is saying " that is a bit annoying" gobby and racist?

Should I just apolgized and looked at the ground in fear, hoping the guy 8 years younger than me doesn't hurt me?

I am not quite sure realy with some of these comments.

I thought thread would be laugh and it has been great, but no need to tell me i am being gobby and racist when i was clearly not.

Anyone who gets violent over such an insignificant thing is pathetic imo.
 
I already said it was after 5 min argument about whether what i said was polite or not. This is when I asked him if it is a cultural thing and he said why because i have beard you think that. Well after he moaned about a bit of swearing this led me to think that it was an actual cultural difference between us that made him think me letting him know that it was annoying in a calm and imo polite way was from his perspective not polite.

I don't mind if you don't want to understand that part and if you happy to think its about racism then go ahead. May be i should have said is it a religious thing instead of culture.
 
I work with an indian a patel and a hindu jay who is muslim. They have explained the difference. But I call hindu people indian because they look the same and from the same region and so on. Its probably laziness on my part. Just like i call all people from uk english sometimes without thinking.

But you do get muslims from india so technically not impossible.
 
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