Poll: As a third party, is it okay to cheat?

[Nix]

Leading on from this thread.

Person A is in a monogamous relationship with person B.

Person C is aware of the above relationship.

Person A would like to have sex with person C whilst still in that relationship.

Is it okay for person C to have sex with person A?

 

[Nix]

Why does the seriousness of the relationship have any bearing whatsoever? It's still the same outcome.

 

[Nix]

because someone who has made a lifelong commitment to someone is in a different situation to someone who has been dating someone for a while and might like to date someone else

Being cheated on will still hurt regardless on the severity of the relationship. In this instance, person C is knowingly inflicting pain on person B by facilitating the actions of person A.

There is of course a huge difference between a marriage with mortgage and children than the honeymoon period of a twenty-something due to the extra collateral damage that can be caused. That does not for a second absolve the actions of person A or C just because the relationship is in its infancy, though.

 

[Nix]

If person C wasn't aware of the relationship between person A and B then I don't see a problem. For me, the problem stems when person C is aware and facilitates hurt for their own selfish gain.

 

[Nix]

absolve them of what - exercising free will? A deciding that she might be better off with C?

sure if C was just sleeping with her for a bit and A deceived B into thinking they were still together then that would be wrong... but if A and C hook up and A decides she'd rather be in a relationship with C, tells B that it is over and she has found someone else then... well that's just something B will have to accept

A hasn't made a long term commitment to B and is free to chose who she carries on dating...

So you're essentially saying that as long as it's not a long-term serious commitment, it's not cheating?

 

[Nix]

dowie, until person A has officially broken up with B which usually tends to involve more than a superficial text before getting a seeing to, for all intents and purposes A and B are in a relationship.

However you want to paint it, it is still cheating.

 

[Nix]

people can and do break up by text but that aside if A decides she isn't in a relationship then she isn't in a relationship anymore... that is her personal choice - B can be told it is over at the earliest opportunity

And until that conversation has happened and B is fully aware they are no longer in a relationship, the relationship between A and B is still effectively active.

Even if A dumped B after jumping into bed with C, A still cheated on B as B was not aware. C therefore was party to that.

 

[Nix]

OK supposing A is cold and just sends a text, doesn't want a convo... are you saying the relationship is only officially over when that text is read by B ergo B is aware?

Edit- Mynight is saying it is over when A sends the communication which could still lead to a situation where the SMS isn't read yet and B is not aware.

Personally I think it is over as soon as either A or B decides it is over and it is up to them to tell the other party at the earliest opportunity

Yes. Until B is without doubt that the relationship is over, the relationship contract between A and B is still in effect.

For example, A could message B and jump into bed with C but B hasn't read the message. Although A would have initially absolved themselves of guilt, B isn't aware that the relationship is over yet, therefore A still has obligations to B.

Besides, what sort of person would dump someone as they're climbing into bed with someone else? They don't sound like anyone who deserves to be in a relationship to me.

Yeah just saw me and Nix were in agreement until that point . You've created a divide dowie .

Whilst I think Nix is correct I could expand to include as long as the text was sent at a reasonable time with the expectation they'd receive it then it's been communicated.

However were getting into the realms of the hypotheticals here. I'm about as amoral as they come yet even I wouldn't sleep with another until I know the message has been received. Such a rep would not improve dating prospects.

I'd say in terms of breakups, you should at least have a buffer of a day or two. Ten minutes certainly isn't fair!

 

[Nix]

Well depends on who breaks up with whom. My ex broke up with me and I'd moved on come nightfall(healthy relationship as I'm sure you guessed ).

True but there's still a huge difference between waiting ten minutes, a few days, weeks or months. And of course, this is all relative to what kind of relationship it was and how difficult the breakup itself was!

That said, if A moved on with C -- rebounds aside -- a few days after breaking up with B, although this wouldn't be cheating it would imply that there was at least some emotional betrayal prior to the breakup.

 

[Nix]

it is just a hypothetical to clarify when you considered the relationship to be over

bottom line for me is that A wants to be with C and no longer with B, the fact that B is yet to be told is an irrelevant technicality so long as B is going to be told at the earliest opportunity

IMO the relationship is over when either party decides it is

For me, the relationship is over when both individuals in that relationship are aware that it's over.

 

[Nix]

People are missing the point:

As person C is aware of the relationship between A and B, they know the consequence of their actions by sleeping with A -- although technically not cheating themselves -- will cause trauma and pain for B regardless if they have any responsibility because they 'know' them. Being a stranger doesn't mean that the hurt is diminished, it just means you can pretend it didn't happen; out of sight out of mind.

By sleeping with A, C is hurting B because they are aware of the relationship between A and B.

 

[Nix]

What concern is it of C how/what B feels. C has their own life to lead, the bearing that has on B is irrelevant to C - assuming as per the OP C has no personal connection to B

Because it's called being a decent human being?

 

[Nix]

Frankly, presuming to know the ins and outs of a couple's relationship, and be a better judge of what should be allowed to go on, than one of the people in that relationship (i.e. person A) is a bit odd.

You, a C, has an A wanting to jump your bones, why would you think the relationship between A and B is worth standing aside for anyway? I can't see how you can be morally responsible for killing an already dead relationship.

And here you are playing mental gymnastics to try and justify getting your jollies.

Regardless of the state of the relationship, A and B are in one.

 

[Nix]

The fact that the relationship exists means that I wouldn't get involved. If it really is that dead, person A can end it and then it's fair game.

Exactly. I still feel for person B of course, but in terms of the objective facts, the relationship would then be over and it isn't cheating.

 

[Nix]

Surely morals can't be quite so easily split over technicalities. Seems rather an arbitrary measure, frankly.

It's pretty black and white. If A and B are in a relationship, regardless of the state of that relationship (domestic abuse aside), C has no right to interfere.

If C acts knowing that the consequence of their actions is that B is ultimately hurt, then C is a ****. Just because C doesn't know B does not make it any less of a reprehensible thing to do to someone.

 

[Nix]

how does it make C any less of a decent human being? they haven't committed a crime, they haven't set out to rob B of his partner. they have simply acted upon an opportunity to bring a degree of happiness into their own lives. yes that may be at the expense of B, but they didn't set out to do this. if I was, lets say D and looking at this unfolding I personally wouldn't think any less of C in this situation. and certainly wouldn't think they weren't a decent human being. undoubtedly I'd be thinking A was a tramp, because it is they alone that brought any pain and hurt that comes B's way

Because they are willingly engaging in an action for selfish purposes that will be to the trauma and detriment of another. How is that hard to grasp?

 

[Nix]

Once a cheat...