AUSTRALIAN BRICKLAYER'S REPORT

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Possibly the funniest story in a long while. This is a bricklayer's
accident report, which was printed in the newsletter of the Australian
equivalent of the Workers' Compensation board. This is a true story.

Had this guy died, he'd have received a Darwin Award for sure.......

Dear Sir,

I am writing in response to your request for additional information in
Block 3 of the accident report form. I put "poor planning" as the cause
of my accident. You asked for a fuller explanation and I trust the
following details will be sufficient. I am a bricklayer by trade. On the
day of the accident, I was working alone on the roof of a new six-story
building.

When I completed my work, I found that I had some bricks left over
which, when weighed later were found to be slightly in excess of 500lbs.
Rather than carry the bricks down by hand, I decided to lower them in a
barrel by using a pulley, which was attached to the side of the building
on the sixth floor. Securing the rope at ground I went up to the roof,
swung the barrel out and loaded the bricks into it. Then I went down and
untied the rope, holding it tightly to ensure a slow descent of the
bricks.

You will note in Block 11 of the accident report form that I weigh
135lbs. Due to my surprise at being jerked off the ground so suddenly,
I lost my presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope. Needless to
say, I proceeded at a rapid rate up the side of the building. In the
vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel, which was now proceeding
downward at an equally impressive speed.

This explained the fractured skull, minor abrasions and the broken
collar bone, as listed in section 3 of the accident report form. Slowed
only slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until the
fingers of my right hand were two knuckles deep into the pulley.
Fortunately by this time I had regained my presence of mind and was
able to hold tightly to the rope, in spite of beginning to experience
pain.

At approximately the same time, however, the barrel of bricks hit the
ground and the bottom fell out of the barrel. Now devoid of the weight
of the bricks, that barrel weighed approximately 50 lbs. I refer you
again to my weight. As you can imagine, I began a rapid descent, down
the side of the building. In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the
barrel coming up.

This accounts for the two fractured ankles, broken tooth and several
lacerations of my legs and lower body.

Here my luck began to change slightly. The encounter with the Barrel
seemed to slow me enough to lessen my injuries when I fell into the
pile of bricks and fortunately only three vertebrae were cracked.

I am sorry to report, however, as I lay there on the pile of bricks, in
pain, unable to move, I again lost my composure and presence of mind
and let go of the rope and I lay there watching the empty barrel begin
its
journey back down onto me.

This explains the two broken legs.

I hope this answers your inquiry.




:) :)
 
Unknown said:
Paddy's Song

Dear Boss,
I write these words to you, to tell you of my plight. And At the time of writin', I am not a prety sight. For my body is all black and bruised, and my face a deadly grey. So I hope you'll under stand why Paddy's not at worK today...
Well, I was workin' on the castle tower and some brick I had to clear. But throwin' 'em down from such a height was not a good idea. And my forman bein' unpleasant (he bein' an awful sod!), he said I'd have to take 'em down the ladder in me hod.
Now carrying down these bricks by hand it was so awfully slow. So I hoisted up a barrel and secured the rope below. But in my haste to do the job I was to blind to see that a barrel full of building bricks is heavier than me.
So, as I went down to cut the rope, well the barrel fell like lead. And clingin' tightly to the rope I started up instead. I shot up like a comet and to my suprise I found that halfway up I met the bloody barrel comin' down.
Well, the barrel struck me across the shoulders as to the ground it sped. And When I reached the top I hit the pulley with my head. I spun around all shock and dazed from the almighty blow, while the barrel spilled out half it's bricks... forteen floors below.
Now when these bricks had spilled out from the barrel onto the floor, I then out weighed the barrel, so I started down once more. Still clingin' tightly so the rope, I headed for the ground and I fell upon the building brick that were all scattered 'round. (And they were pointy side up too!)
Now when I reached the bottom there I thought I'd pasted the worst. But the barrel hit the pulley and it's bloody bottom burst! A shower of bricks fell down on me, I hadn't got hope. And as I was loosing consciousness, I let go of the blood rope!
So, the barrel now being heavier it started down once more and it struck across me smartly as I lay there on the floor. It broke three ribs and my left arm, so I can plainly say "I hope you'll understand why paddys not at work today."

Sincerly,
Patrick Murphy
 
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