It's all just a bunch of **** swinging. Obama has been swinging his **** all over the world for a while. Smashing his **** here and there and killing innocents with his **** shaped drones etc etc. Just generally showing everyone how massive his **** is.
All this Ukraine stuff starts with Viktor Yanukovych deciding not to suck European **** but to give Putin a Hand-Job instead.
300,000 Ukrainian protesters decide to slap Viktor around his face with all their ****'s. From which he runs away from his gold plated mansion, leaving behind his gold plated picture of himself as a Roman Emperor, and flees to Russia.
SO while 300,000 protesters are running around, getting their ****'s shot off (like from the **** shooting scene in 'Our Robocop Remake') by Police and Ukrainian snipers, Pro-Russian ****'s are organising in Crimea. From what I've read, Crimea was a very Russian area anyway. They hold a referendum. Join Russia. Legal? Who cares? Some people say 'yes' some say 'no'. Putin See's all these 300,000 small **** swinging people and calls them terrorists and starts unzipping while stating he will protect the Russian speaking people in Ukraine.
During this, Ukaine gives power to some guy who ask for loads of money from the west (Or maybe is offered loads of money from the west). Putin doesn't like the fact that Obama is getting involved in another world affair, trying to control everything by swinging his **** and balls around. Putin doesn't like being told what to do by anyone so eventually whips out his **** and moves his **** shaped tanks and guns near the **** shaped Ukraine border. Obama Threatens this-that-and-the-other and Putin tells him to shut up. This reveals that Obama doesn't quite have the massive **** he thought he had. Europe and Obama start hacking tiny bits off of Putin's **** with sanctions. If sanctions start getting any worse, my job becomes potentially unstable, from which point I won’t be able to feed my cat((s) If my missing cat decides to show up) and I’ll be pretty annoyed.
TL;DR Version: The Obama – Ukraine – Putin situation may eventually mean I can’t feed my cat((s) If my missing cat decides to show up).