Becoming Alf Garnett

adolf hamster · 17 Aug 2018 at 10:47

threads like this make me feel glad the worst we have to deal with is the odd blocked driveway by someone who doesn't understand the neighborhood.

although every time it happens i do feel like i should have fitted bull bars.

dirtychinchilla · 17 Aug 2018 at 12:46

Born2BSlow said:
Race, religion, skin colour is irrelevant, selfish ignorant ***** are selfish ignorant ***** in my experience... I don't judge people on anything other than their behaviour toward me and others.

Completely agree. People are people at the end of the day, we all behave differently.

MookJong · 17 Aug 2018 at 12:48

Thank my blessings by the sound of it. I would be in a constant state of stress if I had to put up with people like that. I think I would be cleaning their gardens and rubbish, it would do my nut in.

We have very quiet neighbours, people say hello, post Christmas cards but generally keep to themselves and look after their properties. if anyone wasn't pulling their weight it would stick out. The old couple over the road even put our bins back on a Tuesday after the bin men have been, they are always back on our drive when I get home from work so they are not an eyesore.

Diddums · 17 Aug 2018 at 12:55

Sounds like you need a drink and some car bashing tbh.

arknor · 17 Aug 2018 at 13:04

my neighbours are annoying as hell.
its apartments with a communal walkway thing going past each door, each door has its own binshed thing.

some clown keeps putting empty bottles or half empty bottles of cider and high strength lager cans on top of my binshed.

No idea why they can't use their own bin or wtf they are thinking

Jean-F · 17 Aug 2018 at 13:09

Mahonyy said:
Still better than my evil lesbians neightbours.

Whenever I read something like that, I’m reminded that God somehow slipped up when he was handing out the rest of my heterosexual credentials.
I would sail into a bar, and come on like gangbusters to any female that gave me the slightest green light, (but I’d stop dead if that light flickered), or if a friend called to say he was at a party, with wall to wall tens, I'd be out hailing a taxi.
Apparently, most straight guys are turned on by two women kissing, or more, Christ knows what went wrong, or right as I see it, with me, but the thought of that makes me want to throw up, the same as if it were two guys.
Sure, I know there are gays and lesbians in the world, good luck to them, long may they thrive, but I get no kicks out of seeing their PDAs, jeez, I avert my eyes politely if a straight couple start to smooch, I’m not a voyeur.

Narj · 17 Aug 2018 at 13:09

Diddums said:
Sounds like you need a drink and some car bashing tbh.

Haha yes, I'll be around later - good plan.

I'm probably coming across as a bit hysterical but this has really yanked my chain. :mad:

Tee Hee Johnson · 17 Aug 2018 at 13:11

Jean-F said:
Whenever I read something like that, I’m reminded that God somehow slipped up when he was handing out the rest of my heterosexual credentials.
I would sail into a bar, and come on like gangbusters to any female that gave me the slightest green light, (but I’d stop dead if that light flickered), or if a friend called to say he was at a party, with wall to wall tens, I'd be out hailing a taxi.
Apparently, most straight guys are turned on by two women kissing, or more, Christ knows what went wrong, or right as I see it, with me, but the thought of that makes me want to throw up, the same as if it were two guys.
Sure, I know there are gays and lesbians in the world, good luck to them, long may they thrive, but I get no kicks out of seeing their PDAs, jeez, I avert my eyes politely if a straight couple start to smooch, I’m not a voyeur.

wut

Mahonyy · 17 Aug 2018 at 13:57

Terminal_Boy said:
Do they keep you up all night with loud fisting noises? Do they throw used lube bottles and broken sex toys into your garden?

Don't tease us like this!

It sounded more exciting than it actually is. Late 40s, grumpy couple, the-world-hate-us-let's-hate-back type.
I've my own theory about it: that the lack of D makes them angry, that's why gay couples are much more friendly.

Diddums · 17 Aug 2018 at 13:58

Diddums said:
Sounds like you need a drink and some car bashing tbh.

Tee Hee Johnson said:
wut

See above ^

Terminal_Boy · 17 Aug 2018 at 14:00

Tee Hee Johnson said:
wut

Methinks he doth protest too much and is secretly down with the D.

Avenged7Fold · 17 Aug 2018 at 14:01

Jean-F said:
Snip

Hilariously imagined this as a 3 am rant from a cabbie that shares too much and has gone off on one.

koolpc · 17 Aug 2018 at 14:03

I would love to live in a wood with no human being around for 100 miles! Lol

Tee Hee Johnson · 17 Aug 2018 at 18:54

Diddums said:
See above ^

That could be an idea!!

rubberduck · 17 Aug 2018 at 18:55

OP playing with fire by parking in front of neighbour's house maybe?

Narj · 17 Aug 2018 at 19:42

Trollvester Trollone said:
OP playing with fire by parking in front of neighbour's house maybe?

Lol there is no drive and no access to their garden from the road. They dismantled the fence to get the car in there in the first place. My car was nowhere near their house and not in front as their garden is side on to the pavement.

Code:

                      road
      _________________________[car__]__
      |             pavement
      |  __________________________________   <--fence
 |    | |   house _|        garden        |
 |    | |_______|_________________________|

Just had a chat with the rest of my immediate neighbours who stopped it and they are all going nuts about it as they don't want the same treatment.

I might buy an old shed and leave it parked in the same spot if this is going to be a recurring theme

Adnams Drinker · 17 Aug 2018 at 20:08

Born2BSlow said:
Race, religion, skin colour is irrelevant, selfish ignorant ***** are selfish ignorant ***** in my experience... I don't judge people on anything other than their behaviour toward me and others.

Absolutely, although after reading this you could be forgiven for thinking that I think differently.

Worst neighbour I've ever had was the prat next door when I lived in the old marital home, although it's nothing compared to some of the horror stories in the rest of the thread. As it happens he was a gay lay preacher with Aspergers, although my dislike of him was nothing to do with either and entirely down to the fact that he was an obnoxious a-hole who'd managed the unique feat of getting up the nose of everyone within a three-house radius within days of moving into the street.

One Sunday morning we were laying in bed and there was a knock at the door. I grabbed my dressing gown and answered the door, to see a couple of very sheepish and embarrassed-looking PCSOs stood there. It transpired that numb-nuts had called the Plod because a few days earlier we had been out in the garden with a stepladder cutting back the climbers on the pergola and some of the clippings had blown or dropped into his garden. I told the PCSOs in no uncertain terms that if this had happened it would have been totally accidental and marked their card about the tool they were dealing with. At that point they apologised profusely and left.

Fast forward a few years and we get home from work to find a letter on the doormat from him, complaining about the height of a tree in our back garden, claiming that it was cutting out light and preventing him from drying washing (both total cobblers). He quoted a couple of local by-laws that we were supposedly in contravention of - by this time he had managed to get himself on the Parish Council which, with him being gay and having Aspergers, I cynically saw as a diversity box-ticking exercise. I was ready to storm round there and chin the [child born out of wedlock], but instead we opted for speaking to his landlord, who was often on the same bus my wife took to work. Basically, the missus told his landlord what he was like to live next door to, told him some of the things he'd done to upset other neighbours and said that any further communication with us was to be via his landlord, not direct to us.

Happily, as of last weekend, he's no longer my problem as I'm now living in a place of my own. He's solely my soon-to-be ex-wife's problem and she's bloody welcome to him, as the plan is for her to buy out my share of the house before we divorce. Have met one of my new neighbours this week and he seems like a top bloke - we were outside comparing tattoos a couple of nights ago!

rubberduck · 17 Aug 2018 at 20:29

Make and model of your car + make and model of the garden car please?

Squark · 17 Aug 2018 at 23:34

koolpc said:
I would love to live in a wood with no human being around for 100 miles! Lol

It's a bit far to go to get a pint of milk though.

Angilion · 18 Aug 2018 at 03:12

koolpc said:
I would love to live in a wood with no human being around for 100 miles! Lol

You might like to check out the house ("tile roof hut") the chap on the Primitive Technology channel on Youtube built. It probably isn't 100 miles from anyone else, but it's certainly isolated. An additional advantage is that it cost precisely £0 to build. He builds everything stone age style from local material. He calls it a hut, but it has solid walls, a tiled roof, an oven, central heating and even a heated bed. It's habitable.

Squark said:
It's a bit far to go to get a pint of milk though.

I was browsing for private islands one day because why not and I found one that would suit me just fine apart from one thing. It's in a big lake in Canada. The nearest settlement is some miles away on the shore and of course the island is only accessible by boat. Just the job - isolation but when I wanted to I could take my boat to the town to do some shopping. The one thing is quite a big thing, though - bears. Well, that and the fact that I don't have the money to retire, buy the island, have a house built on it, etc. Minor details