Bloody evil Spider!!!

Caporegime
Joined
20 Sep 2006
Posts
27,983
I got the shock of a lifetime this morning, and thought I'd share it with you guys and girls to see what your reaction would have been. First a little background...

For over a year now Ive had a large spider living in the top corner of my conservatory, and he is without a doubt the most evil looking NO SWEARING Ive seen this side of a camel spider. Completely black with visible fangs,a shiny dark Grey arse end, he sits there in his little gap in the wall with his thick black legs poking out and murders anything that comes near him. He is the most aggressive little NO SWEARING Ive ever seen too. He wont back into his hole if you approach, and will attack anything you offer up to him. Ive actually seen him chase a house spider the size of the pint glass base across the wall onto a ledge where he lept on it and finished it off in seconds, before dragging it back to his hole. Like I said, evil little swine, but he has earned my respect for his prowess at killing every bug that dares to enter my house, and thus I have allowed him to continue living in his little corner earning his keep by keeping the conservatory bug free. Then about two weeks ago he suddenly went missing, and his hole sat empty for days. I assumed he'd either popped his clogs, or had finally picked a fight with something bigger and more aggressive, like a cat or something in his case. Anyway, I thought I'd seen the last of him. Wrong...

Gets out the shower this morning, gets dried and opens my drawer pulls out clean socks and a pair of Calvin style jockey shorts. Puts the shorts on and sits down to pull on me socks, and I notice that things seem uncomfortable downstairs. The meat and two veg just don't seem too happy nestled in the tight confines of my normally comfy shorts. A few tugs at the material still don't sort it out, so I stand up for a proper cabinet re-shuffle. Still no joy, and now there is some serious irritation. So I grabbed hold of the waist band and pulled it forward to look down into my underwear to see what the problem is. You know whats coming don't you? As soon as the waist band comes forward out screams the little swine at what seems like mach 3 straight up my stomach towards my chin. I was like something outta Alien. I don't normally mind spiders, but I don't mind telling you I jumped a NO SWEARING mile, so much so that I fell backward and hit my head on a shelf! The little swine disappeared over my shoulder onto the floor and under the bed, where I couldn't find him for looking. Now Im sat here with a cut on the back of my head, and having checked me twig and giggles it seems the swine has bitten me several times there too!

And the worst part is he is now somewhere in my room where Ive gotta sleep tonight, spoiling for a fight, and with a newfound taste for nutsack! Evil NO SWEARING
 
Permabanned
Joined
24 Jul 2003
Posts
30,259
Far, far, far, far too many references to your underwear arrangements and comfort factor.
 
Caporegime
Joined
20 Sep 2006
Posts
27,983
Solari said:
Pics please.... (of the spider when you find it, not your old chap).

Kthxbye.

Hmm, if you don't mine mobile phone pics? My Digicam is out of the equation as I can't find the bloody charger for it!
 
Caporegime
Joined
20 Sep 2006
Posts
27,983
mp3kla said:
We'd have a REAL Spiderman if this guy had kids! :eek:



edit - possibly an alternate way of how spider man was created?


Me in a couple of days:

Misc-SpiderSense.jpg
 
Don
Joined
17 May 2004
Posts
12,643
Location
Telford, Shropshire
MilanoChris said:
Cheers mate, just spat my Tea all over my G15!

No worries man, clean that up when you can.

Have you killed the spider yet? If not... why not? The spider has bit you on your you know where... and is still living. Surely something is up

In other meat and two veg related talk, lost a bet at work today. Friend said he had a tattoo on his meat and two veg, i called BS, he proved it, and showed a panther tattoo on you know where..

Unleash the beast has never become a truer said phrase.
 
Caporegime
Joined
20 Sep 2006
Posts
27,983
No clue where he is mate, must be somewhere. Probably at the back of my PC case where it's nice and warm!
 
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