bottled it, and flubbed the speech

Threepwood

Threepwood

Threepwood

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Dad's funeral today, I was a mess at the service, almost bit my lip through from biting to stop totally blubbling from the moment his coffin came out of the hearse
Then came the wake, and, after everyone had finished their dessert I knew that it was time for my speech, so I started tapping the side of my pint glass *gulp*
I'd been building the speech up in my mind for the past week knowing that it was coming,
But I bottled it before I could even begin properly, everyone was looking at me waiting for what I had to say, I shouldn't have looked really


I knew that the moment I said "dad" I was going to explode into keening


so I turned that into my excuse, and said as much.
then I ended up skipping the good parts and rushed into the end which was the 2nd most important thing, thanking my 1/2 sister for sorting the whole funeral out, and how proud dad would be of her, ofc everyone clapped at that, she deserved to be clapped for all the effort that she put into it, though

Now I feel like I let myself and my dad down, for not having the courage of my conviction
what a Berk,

so much for my G. C.S.E 'B' in drama! My dad did say that it would be a bloody waste of time doing that!
turns out that he was right!!!
 
R.I.P. and sorry for your loss.

You didn't let anyone down (definitely not him, or yourself). If there's stuff you missed that you'd still like to say, put it in a FB post, WA group, or even a brief note by post to anyone less inclined to see social media (with a "thanks for coming, he'd have appreciated it" if you feel it necessary).

BUT, whether you do or not, you owe no-one anything, look after yourself first (and other close family next).
 
Sorry for your loss.

I'm slightly intrigued by the idea of speeches at the wake, as I can't recall that happening at any funerals I have attended

Practical tip: Having something prepared in writing to focus on (whether a full speech or just some bullet points/notes) can be very helpful, especially if emotions are running high.

Regarding your experience, chances are that what people will remember about the funeral is that when you spoke it was clear that you loved your dad and were a bit overwhelmed by grief, which is entirely understandable in that situation. So don't sweat it.
 
I've only been to a couple of funerals, but at each one someone tried to make a speech and couldn't finish it. I formed the opinion that when my parents go I wouldn't even attempt a speech.

So in my book what you did was exactly what you're supposed to do.
 
It's not easy . I had to do this at my brother's funeral. I think people understand and will expect you will be emotional.

You didn't let anyone down
 
Don't feel bad, you're 'supposed' to be a wreck at a parent's funeral.

I've, fortunately, not been to all that many funerals really, but generally tend to find the closest family members don't do a speech, because it's super difficult.

I've done readings, not speeches though, at two funerals on my wife's side: no-one on her side of the family felt able to, which was fine.
 
Going to a funeral soon and family members have tried to get the kids involved so they feel they have contributed in some way, like by doing readings and carrying the coffin. I've pushed back on this out of experience of how hard it is to simply function and get through just being at a funeral, and I've been labelled as "over thinking" it and not being compassionate etc. I was basing my decisions on having done a reading before first hand and knowing how hard it is.

You feel the big man saying you will do a reading etc and then when the day comes, you look into a room of people in pain, people crying whom you've never seen cry, and the words won't come out. I feel quite strongly about simplifying the day and allowing the professionals to carry the coffin and do readings etc. I'd rather it go smoothly with less drama for all involved. Also, sod doing any form of speech at a wake personally. I've never heard one at a wake.

You've tried op. That was enough imo.
 
Threepwood said:
Dad's funeral today, I was a mess at the service, almost bit my lip through from biting to stop totally blubbling from the moment his coffin came out of the hearse
Then came the wake, and, after everyone had finished their dessert I knew that it was time for my speech, so I started tapping the side of my pint glass *gulp*
I'd been building the speech up in my mind for the past week knowing that it was coming,
But I bottled it before I could even begin properly, everyone was looking at me waiting for what I had to say, I shouldn't have looked really


I knew that the moment I said "dad" I was going to explode into keening


so I turned that into my excuse, and said as much.
then I ended up skipping the good parts and rushed into the end which was the 2nd most important thing, thanking my 1/2 sister for sorting the whole funeral out, and how proud dad would be of her, ofc everyone clapped at that, she deserved to be clapped for all the effort that she put into it, though

Now I feel like I let myself and my dad down, for not having the courage of my conviction
what a Berk,

so much for my G. C.S.E 'B' in drama! My dad did say that it would be a bloody waste of time doing that!
turns out that he was right!!!
Click to expand...
It sounds like you did well in terrible circumstances. No one let anyone down and a GCSE (even a B grade!) doesn't teach you how to deal with the loss of a parent.

Take care.
 
Stop being hard on yourself during an emotionally difficult time.

I did my dads speech about his life, had it all written out and blabbed out even more, took about 15 mins or so in the end.
People are there to pay respect not just to the gone, but the family suffering the most, you done nothing wrong.
Stop being hard on yourself.

Mine was recorded so I could watch it back, cry but also laugh at myself at times.
 
Never known a speech at a wake, I've only ever seen them at the service (and I've been to quite a few funerals in the last couple of years unfortunately).

I knew I wouldn't be able to give one at anybody's funeral never mind my parents (died within 16 days of each other in 2023) so refused when asked, I did however manage to carry my mum and dads coffins, also a uncle a mate and 2 x grannies so consider I made an effort to be involved.

As many people have said you tried and sounds like as many other people do got overcome by emotion, this proves that you are indeed human and have enough love for your father that you couldn't just ignore it, nobody will remember it honestly and you certainly shouldn't feel that you let your old man down, this part I've quoted it seems like my father he had a sense of humour so would probably joke that you shouldn't have tried to do a speech in the 1st place but would certainly be proud that you tried.
Threepwood said:
so much for my G. C.S.E 'B' in drama! My dad did say that it would be a bloody waste of time doing that! turns out that he was right!!!
Click to expand...

Sending you a virtual hug mate as I've been there and I know it's not nice
 
Sending you some love dude, don't be hard on yourself, you've been through one of the most emotional days you'll ever have and come out swinging. Your dad would be proud <3
 
Blackhawk69 said:
Don't be too hard on yourself. My Father passed away last week, and I've already stated that I'm not going to even try to give a speech at his funeral next week.
Click to expand...
Sorry to hear about your loss. :(

I didn't speak at my dad's either (not that he wanted a funeral anyway, new wife's idea and all that.... anyway....)

I wouldn't have been able to even contemplate it, just getting through the day was hard enough.

Don't beat yourself up @Threepwood , such days are just awful. The only thing people will remember is a son being upset at the loss of his dad.
 
If you ask anyone of the people around me in my life, they'll tell you I'm one of the most emotionless people on the planet. I let nothing show.

But when my dad passed I was a wreck and couldn't get through his eulogy

Nobody will hold it against you. You're allowed to feel.
 
I had great difficulty doing a speech about my grandad at his funeral. I've done a lot of public speaking but that was by far the most difficult and I was all over the place to be honest.

I've also been to a wedding where the best man literally could not do his speech at all because he was so emotional and nervous.

It happens. Don't dwell on it.
 
I went to the funeral of a friend I met through the vaping community - after the service, in the crematorium garden, we stood around waiting to share our condolences with his parents.

One of my mates asked "Anyone know if we can vape here?"

I nudged the chap next to me and said "I guess if we time it just right, no one will notice..."

As we all giggled, the chap I nudged said, "Chris would have found that hysterical..."

You can imagine the look on my face as I realised it was his Dad.

TL;DR - don't beat yourself up about words you couldn't say. It's much safer than regretting the words you shouldn't have said...
 
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